When my big kids were little, I felt so much pressure to savor every moment. I could feel the time passing through my hands like sand. It all was moving too fast. The idea that we often hear from well-meaning strangers that we need to ‘enjoy them now because they will be big before you know it' plagued me! Was I enjoying them enough? Loving them enough? Being intentional enough?
As time has continued to fly by, I’ve begun to embrace a grace that takes the pressure off of the moment. I want to be present and do my best, but I am also a human. A flawed Mom who sometimes gets mad when the dishes are left unwashed, when rooms turn into dirty dungeons, and when the crying feels endless. I need grace for me to be me, quarks in all, as a parent. While I will forever try to learn and grow as their mom, I don’t have to live in shame that I wasn’t perfect enough for my kids. There are no perfect parents on this Earth. They all will have things to talk about in therapy because of me.
As we carry the calling to shepherd our kids. As we work to enjoy them and point them to Jesus, we have to also remember to embrace grace upon grace for our days. There are going to be good days, great days, terrible days, and everything in between. Parenting is a lifelong journey; we keep growing in this role all the way up to the end.
Here are some ways to embrace grace as a mother:
1. Embrace Grace for Your Home
I don’t think it is possible for me to walk more than a few feet in my house without seeing another toy to put away, a pile of laundry that is waiting for me, or a spill that needs attention. It can feel like everywhere I go, there is something I need to be doing. I feel like I’m the only one that sees what is required to keep our house intact. My kids are never bothered by the pile I expectantly lay at the bottom of the stairs for them to take to their rooms. My husband, while very helpful, is much more content with untidy rooms than I am. Mom is the one to keep the mental chore list filled up.
Mostly I don’t mind caring for our home. I have been called to learn to love and be present in the seemingly smaller moments of life, and I strive to do that well. Yet, inevitably there are days, weeks, and even months where the endless nature of this role can leave me burned out. Sometimes the voice that says my mothering, my space, my love, and my all are not enough crowds out the joy waiting to be had in this season. When I get too focused on my ability, I stop trusting God’s power as the way to love and serve others well.
When we tire of folding another pile, cleaning up another mess, and looking at the undone spaces in our home, we have to go back to Jesus and ask him for renewed strength. When we get weary, with him, we will not faint because he renews our strength (Isaiah 40:31). God cares about our homes, and he cares about our hearts. We are to give cheerfully, and if we find ourselves bitter by that to-do list, it’s time to step away (2 Corinthians 9:6-7). Take a break and let God speak rest into your heart so you serve with love again.
2. Embrace Grace When Your Patience Runs Thin
I once said I would stop homeschooling my kids if I lost my temper with them during the school day. I had an impossible expectation that being in proximity with my kids, all day, every day, plus trying to teach them and run our home plus make time for work, would be something I could do without ever feeling frustrated. Needless to say, I have lost my temper with my kids, and we are still homeschooling.
I’ve had to let go of my idea that I should be presenting some sort of perfection for my kids rather than the reality of the human condition. Every human relationship will experience a wide range of emotional interactions. As a primary caregiver and teacher, I had to grow comfortable with the fact that I would experience positive and negative emotions toward my kids.
More than that, I’ve had to learn how to model forgiveness and grace to my kids when I fail them. When I inevitably reach a limit and speak out of anger, I later have to apologize so my kids see what it looks like to reconcile when things have gone wrong in a relationship. Embracing grace when we lose our cool is a chance to learn together and model to our children how to apologize and forgive.
2. Embrace Grace When You Need Time To Recharge
The other day I wondered to myself, how many people would stay in their jobs if they had to listen to their co-workers cry and scream for a good portion of the day? I imagine there would be a lot more in-office conflict if this was how we behaved in our workplaces. As a stay-at-home mom, there is always a large amount of crying, quarreling, complaining, and general disobedience that has to be handled on a daily basis. Basically, this is a very hard and unseen job. Burnout can sneak up fast. Sometimes just making it to dinner is a tiny miracle all on its own.
This isn’t every day as a mom, but it probably will be some of your days. Even if you work full-time, there are nights, weekends, holidays, and more in which your role is to negotiate with a completely unreasonable toddler or teen. It’s one of the most frustrating things you will ever live to do.
To not grow weary in this tough role, we have to take time to recharge. Mom guilt is a real force. I still battle it often, but it’s not a voice of truth. Truth is God has called you to steward and shepherd your kids, not to be their everything. Only God is meant to be their all-in-all. Get comfortable expressing to your people your limitations. Admittedly, this is easier with older kids. My toddlers have absolutely no regard for my emotional state of being. With them, I just have to give myself physical space from them so I am able to let my stressed-out mind unwind. With my older kids, I can express that mom needs some space; she is overwhelmed. This helps us all not interact in a way that causes us pain in the aftermath.
Mothering is a crazy job that inspires intense joy and sorrow. Our hearts are in the world, living separate lives, that we are so very invested in. This journey is more than we can handle on our own. We need Jesus and his power to stay in the fight for our children’s future. Embrace his loving grace as you imperfectly seek to love your family with his perfect love.
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/The Good Brigade
Amanda Idleman is a writer whose passion is to encourage others to live joyfully. She writes devotions for My Daily Bible Verse Devotional and Podcast, Crosswalk Couples Devotional, the Daily Devotional App, she has work published with Her View from Home, on the MOPS Blog, and is a regular contributor for Crosswalk.com. She has most recently published a devotional, Comfort: A 30 Day Devotional Exploring God's Heart of Love for Mommas. You can find out more about Amanda on her Facebook Page or follow her on Instagram.