Recently I was chatting with my husband in our kitchen. He was sharing his frustrations from his workday and revealed the insecurities he has felt as a leader. We reflected together on how the past few years had brought us new challenges that we felt incapable of overcoming on our own. The pandemic hit, roles in work have grown, our family has grown through foster care, our marriage has struggled, parenting has become more taxing, and generally, we feel in over our heads.
During this frank conversation, I wondered aloud if God has a purpose in this place of discomfort. My husband and I are pretty high-achieving people (him more so than me). Up until the past few years, we hadn’t faced much that we couldn’t problem-solve our own way out of. We believed in God but had yet to experience a situation in which we needed him. Where we were forced to rely on him. Where trusting him with all our hearts was a daily practice and not a pretty verse.
But now we are in need of miracles, wisdom beyond our years, healing that can only happen when the supernatural touches us, and patience that exceeds our standard capacity. Through simple obedience, God has slowly drawn us out into deep waters.
It started with the desire to live life in light of eternity. To view work as a place we are called to serve with grace and shine God’s light, not to just earn a paycheck. To grow a marriage that just barely made it, but find a way to break down walls that have held us back from being a true couple. To say ‘yes’ to foster care, allowing God to shape our family in whatever way he sees fit, and growing a heart in us for birth families, adoption, and redemption. To shepherd our children through homeschooling. Simple obedience has brought us to a place where we need God to live, not just hope he will help if we happen to ask him.
We Learn to Trust Him
The thing is, being in a place where you are dependent on God’s grace, is uncomfortable. It’s a place where if we are honest, we don’t want to stay long. We all hope for control more than we seek out chances to have faith. It’s scary not to be the one in the driver's seat of your life.
A critical junction approaches us all when we step into the deep end, we have the opportunity to wade back to the places that feel more comfortable, or we can learn to float. We take our feet off the ground and experience weightlessness in the water. We check out this new view, where God’s hand at work becomes just a little more apparent than it was at the shore. This is the place where miracles start happening.
Here is the place where we learn to trust God. We see him make a path straight for us that was only destined for failure if not for him (Proverbs 3:5-6). He shows us how to trust him with every need. The beauty of it all is that the discomfort we feel when we don’t have all the answers is for our good.
We Get a Better View
Just when I feel I am truly now enough. When I really just can’t handle one more thing on my plate, there is a moment of utter beauty that stops me in my tracks.
It could be my husband hearing that I’ve felt unloved and taking the time to say I want to end that today. A miracle for us.
It’s our youngest daughter, whose brain and body have been deeply impacted by trauma, chasing us around like a silly monster and laughing hysterically on the floor once she captures us. We get a front-row seat to a child who has lost it all finding healing and joy.
It’s my older daughter embracing her younger, new sister, and swinging her, asking her how her day is going. God gifted my daughter a sister, something she relishes.
It’s our youngest son, singing songs, chasing chickens, and kicking balls. The Devil did all he could to steal from this boy's future in the womb, but he thrives because of God’s protection.
My middle son is now reading his first chapter books! We almost gave up on homeschooling because it felt too hard to make it here.
My oldest son is studying God’s word because he wants to. God has met him where he is, using that logic-loving brain and giving him a heart to seek Truth.
It’s my husband going from teaching to leading! God knew we’d need more to give more, he has provided in abundance.
It’s a house with the space we needed to foster. Bed’s to add a fifth child that showed up at our door. Friends that have lifted us up when we’ve been discouraged. It’s medication, when I felt I would never be free of my anxiety. It’s connections made with birth families. And the list of God’s miracle-working power that exists only here, in the place that feels like more than we can handle on our own.
When we step out of the boat and fix our eyes on Jesus, we get a better view. We get to participate in the miracle of walking on the water, with Him (Matthew 14:22-23). Your water experience may be different from mine. Maybe you're called to start a business, begin a ministry, pray for a loved one, beat addiction, end generational curses, give in big ways, or whatever other creative story God has placed on your heart! Either way, I know that once you begin to question, am I in the right place? This feels hard, uncertain, and more than you know how to handle. That’s when God does what only he can do through you. Wait and see, you will begin to know that the Lord is good (Psalm 34:8)!
Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/ Gobal Moments
Amanda Idleman is a writer whose passion is to encourage others to live joyfully. She writes devotions for My Daily Bible Verse Devotional and Podcast, Crosswalk Couples Devotional, the Daily Devotional App, she has work published with Her View from Home, on the MOPS Blog, and is a regular contributor for Crosswalk.com. She has most recently published a devotional, Comfort: A 30 Day Devotional Exploring God's Heart of Love for Mommas. You can find out more about Amanda on her Facebook Page or follow her on Instagram.