Parenting is hard work. I think most parents have this innate desire to give their kids the best of us. We want to shield them from the evil of the world. Our goal is to do better than those that came before, change the narratives of trauma, loss, and brokenness that follow generations. Yet, in the midst of all our good intentions is our own brokenness. As parents, our patience is tested, our bodies are fatigued, and our minds are often overloaded by the needs that seem to continuously be presented to us. The bottom line is, even on our best days, we can’t live up to the perfection we desire. We fail. Sometimes we yell, are impatient, or just break down in tears.
It’s the reality of family. Of living in close proximity and needing each other. Every human relationship is a mix of joy and failure. Grace is required for us to remain connected to each other. This is especially true as parents. We cannot let our less-than-perfect moments deter us from continuing to strive toward the goal of creating a home that is marked by love, peace, and joy. Learning how to move past failures and embrace reconciliation is a key skill that we all need to master. Thankfully, our children are so eager to forgive! Just when I think I’ve failed them one time too many, I realize that their love for me is not conditional. They still want me to be with them.
Embrace This Statement: Please Forgive Me
As a mom, I need to embrace the statement, "Please forgive me." With five kids under our roof and two toddlers in the crew, I often feel I am not enough for everyone. At some point in the day, a child is on the receiving end of my shortened fuse. While the enemy would want me to be discouraged and feel that I am not the right Mom for these kids (especially the ones placed in my care through foster care and adoption), my kids don’t need a perfect mom; they need a committed and loving one. A Mom that embraces saying sorry when things didn’t go just right. That goes back and speaks of grace and how it helps us stay connected to each other and our creator when our sinful nature gets the best of us.
Not long ago, my daughter was throwing a fit, and rather than meeting her in her despair, I yelled at her. I was unable to show compassion because I was tapped out. Normally, my response to my failure is guilt. I am stuck in the idea that I’m not measuring up. Thankfully, that still, small voice reminded me that one of the best tools I have as a mom is to ask for forgiveness. Once her storm of emotions passed, I got down to her level and said I was so sorry. Mommy should not yell and just like she was feeling overwhelmed in that moment, I was too.
My daughter is young, so I’m not sure if she could understand what I was saying fully, but what I do know is that she felt that I was trying to connect with her again. Anger, stress, and our sin nature had created a rift between us, but forgiveness was working to pull us back together again. I pray that my continual practice of humility as a parent helps cover the moments that life goes wrong and in the end, my kids feel loved and safe.
God Made You Their Parent for a Reason
The Creator of the Universe is the maker of families. He gave me each of my kids for a reason. Even the ones that have joined our home out of necessity due to deep tragic losses, God knows their story, and while this may not be the best first choice for them, God is not surprised that I am their Momma. He will be faithful to help me learn how to be theirs. He is molding and shaping both me and them as we embrace being a family that looks a little different than the norm.
Even for the birth parents that my children have been disconnected from, they will never not be a part of my kid’s stories because God gave their birth moms the honor of bringing these precious ones into this world. Even though they can’t raise their children, they will always matter to our kids. They will forever have their birth Mom’s red streaks in their hair or blonde highlights in their curls, along with a million other things we will never fully be able to know. God’s decision to co-create life in these women’s bodies was no mistake.
When we start to doubt our value and competency as parents, the reality that our homes are shaped by God can give us comfort. He knew the parenting journey that lay ahead and intended to help us love each of our kids well. Our grand parenting goals are met through God’s power at work in our lives!
Modeling Asking Forgiveness Teaches Our Kids How to Reconcile with Others
Kids tend to fight a lot, especially siblings. These disagreements are a part of their brain development. They are working out how to have relationships with their brothers, sisters, friends, and more. When we take the time to say sorry to our kids, we are modeling for them reconciliation.
Things will never always go just right. Sometimes, you hit your brother by accident (or on purpose), you lose at a game, or you just are in a grumpy mood. Our minds and bodies don’t always respond graciously to those moments of frustration. Yet, those moments don’t have to define us. Jesus told us that if we ask for forgiveness, we get it (1 John 1:9). Demonstrating how to live a humble life that embraces forgiveness is a huge gift for our kids. Let them see that we all need the gift of forgiveness from each other daily!
This week, when things start going from peaceful to chaotic, my goal is to embrace the words, "I’m so sorry!" And move forward with my crew, allowing God’s unreasonable love to cover the moments where sin gets in the way of me being a perfect parent.
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Amanda Idleman is a writer whose passion is to encourage others to live joyfully. She writes devotions for My Daily Bible Verse Devotional and Podcast, Crosswalk Couples Devotional, the Daily Devotional App, she has work published with Her View from Home, on the MOPS Blog, and is a regular contributor for Crosswalk.com. She has most recently published a devotional, Comfort: A 30 Day Devotional Exploring God's Heart of Love for Mommas. You can find out more about Amanda on her Facebook Page or follow her on Instagram.