Have you ever been in the awkward position of comforting someone because they were feeling so bad about hurting you? You thought the conversation was going to go something like them saying, “I’m so sorry for hurting you; please forgive me.” But instead, it goes something like you saying, “Oh, you’re not a terrible person, don’t worry, it wasn’t that bad…”
You’re sitting there, patting their back, making them feel better about their mistakes, and thinking, “Wait a second. How did we get HERE? What about me?”
I was in one such situation recently, and as justified as I wanted to be for being upset at their selfish reaction, deep down, God was nudging me, saying, “Yep, this is what worldly sorrow instead of godly sorrow feels like. You’ve done this to me, too.”
I hate to admit that I have done that to God so many times–instead of taking responsibility for my sin that hurt God, I have spiraled into shame and self-pity instead. This moment was such a clear picture to me of worldly sorrow versus godly sorrow, and why godly sorrow is so important to our relationships with God.
Where Does the Bible Talk about Worldly Sorrow and Godly Sorrow?
These terms come from 1 Corinthians 7:8-11:
“Even if I caused you sorrow by my letter, I do not regret it. Though I did regret it—I see that my letter hurt you, but only for a little while—yet now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you became sorrowful as God intended, and so were not harmed in any way by us. Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done. At every point, you have proved yourselves to be innocent in this matter.” (Emphasis mine)
The letter that Paul references here is a letter that he previously sent to the church in Corinth, rebuking them for a matter involving the proper discipline of one of their church members (see 2 Corinthians 2:1-11).
It was evidently a tough letter to read, probably involving a stern rebuking. But Paul saw that instead of hurting the church, it produced repentance for them, which is a beautiful thing.
Godly sorrow leads to repentance, but worldly sorrow brings death. Let’s look at the difference.
What Is Godly Sorrow?
This passage thankfully is very detailed when it describes what godly sorrow produces in someone: earnestness, eagerness to clear yourselves, indignation, alarm, longing, concern, and readiness to see justice done.
Godly sorrow doesn’t just stop at taking the sin seriously, but godly sorrow moves the believer towards positive action, towards setting the wrong things right, no matter what it costs them personally to do so. It requires empathy for the hurt party and the ability to care about them more than themself.
Although it appears that the church in Corinth experienced some sadness in this process, the end result was the repentance that led to salvation. They didn’t just stay there in their pity; they moved out of it.
What Is Worldly Sorrow?
This passage from Paul gives us much less detail about worldly sorrow, so this is my best interpretive guess. But we do know that worldly sorrow leads to death.
I think this is because worldly sorrow doesn’t lead anywhere helpful. Worldly sorrow keeps you stuck in a state of self-pity, self-hatred, and shame. It keeps you spiraling and thinking “I’m the worst person ever. I’m horrible. I’m so sinful and wretched.”
Meanwhile, God is probably sitting there going, “...dear child, what about me?”
Not because God needs our guilt. But because when we are stuck in worldly sorrow that keeps us thinking only about ourselves, we don’t actually take responsibility for our actions. We don’t have empathy for whom we have hurt, we just feel sorry for ourselves for being so sinful to begin with. We are so stuck in our own self-pity, that we don’t actually move towards the hurt party in compassion and concern.
Worldly sorrow makes it all about us. But Godly sorrow makes it all about God.
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Tinnakorn Jorruang
Scriptures to Help You Experience Godly Sorrow
Godly sorrow isn’t about guilt or shame, but is about seeing your sin clearly before God so you can repent of it. These scriptures can help you get to this humble heart posture if you are having a hard time (which we all do sometimes!)
“When I kept silent,
my bones wasted away
through my groaning all day long.
For day and night
your hand was heavy on me;
my strength was sapped
as in the heat of summer.
Then I acknowledged my sin to you
and did not cover up my iniquity.
I said, ‘I will confess
my transgressions to the Lord.’
And you forgave
the guilt of my sin.”
David is an amazing example of someone who was great at having godly sorrow instead of worldly sorrow. In this Psalm, David experiences the weight of his guilt, and it eats away at him. We’ve all been there!
But when he turns to God to fully acknowledge his sin, he gets to experience God’s forgiveness, too. Use this entire Psalm as a tool to talk to God about what is weighing heavily on your heart. Pour it all out to him so that you can experience the fullness of his grace. And, if appropriate, make amends with whom you have hurt.
“‘How gladly would I treat you like my children
and give you a pleasant land,
the most beautiful inheritance of any nation.’
I thought you would call me ‘Father’
and not turn away from following me.
But like a woman unfaithful to her husband,
so you, Israel, have been unfaithful to me,” declares the Lord.”
This passage can help soften your heart towards God. Although the context of this scripture is God rebuking an unfaithful and idolatrous Israel, and you can hear the anger in his words, I think his hurt is also clear. He just wants his people to rely on him as a good Father, and to follow him wherever he goes. He wants his people to be faithful to him like a wife is faithful to her husband. He loves us so deeply, and that’s why it hurts him when we turn away.
When we recognize the hurt that our sin causes God, we are more likely to have a compassionate heart, and therefore experience sorrow as God intended.
I think it’s also beautiful that God wants to give his children a pleasant land–and how that is still his intention for them, and for us! God just wants Israel to take responsibility for their sin so they can move on with him onto the blessings he has for them. He wants the same for you.
“‘He himself bore our sins’ in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; ‘by his wounds you have been healed.’”
It is always good to be of sober mind when it comes to what Jesus did for us and our sins. He bore them on his own body so that we may be healed from his wounds. What a great love!
Godly sorrow doesn’t take this sacrifice for granted, but rather realizes the precious cost of the grace Jesus freely pours out to us. When we remember Jesus this way and that our sins had real consequences to someone who loves us, repentance becomes much more of a natural reaction to our sin.
When we remember this great sacrifice, we desire to do right by it–and, therefore, make the amends that we need to.
Sorrow Doesn’t Get the Final Say
It encourages me that Paul highlights that the church in Corinth was hurt “only for a little while.” God does not wish us to stay in a sorrowful state forever.
Nehemiah 8 makes me feel so confident of this. In this chapter, the people of Israel had just been read the words of the Law for the first time since they returned to Jerusalem after being exiled. They were certainly convicted when they heard the Law read. But it didn’t end there.
“Then Nehemiah the governor, Ezra the priest and teacher of the Law, and the Levites who were instructing the people said to them all, ‘This day is holy to the Lord your God. Do not mourn or weep.’ For all the people had been weeping as they listened to the words of the Law.
Nehemiah said, ‘Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is holy to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.’
The Levites calmed all the people, saying, ‘Be still, for this is a holy day. Do not grieve.’”
Although their tears were appropriate for a time, it is God’s will for us to be joyous in him. I love how Matthew Henry puts it in his commentary of Nehemiah 8:
“It was well that they were so much affected with the word of God, and received the impressions of it; but they must not yield unduly to their mourning, especially at this time, because the day was holy to the Lord; it was one of the solemn feasts, on which it was their duty to rejoice; and even sorrow for sin must not hinder our joy in God, but rather lead us to it and prepare us for it.”
Godly sorrow ultimately leads us to joy in God. So, if you’re not sure if you’re experiencing worldly sorrow or godly sorrow about your sin, ask yourself these questions:
- Is my reaction about feeling hurt myself in my identity or ego, or is my reaction about hurting others or God?
- Is my reaction keeping me stuck, or is it producing godly action in me?
- Is my reaction ultimately causing me to rejoice in God, because of his love and grace?
I love that we worship a God who cares so much more about us than he does our sin. Let that allow you to boldly accept responsibility for your actions, make amends, and rejoice in the grace of your sweet Father.
Photo Credit: © Getty Images/simpson33
The views expressed in this commentary do not necessarily reflect those of CrosswalkHeadlines.
Kelly-Jayne McGlynn is a former editor at Crosswalk.com. She sees the act of expression, whether through writing or art, as a way to co-create with God and experience him deeper. Check out her handmade earrings on Instagram and her website for more of her thoughts on connecting with God through creative endeavors.