"Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you." -Ephesians 4:32, ESV
I can write about forgiveness all day long. But, putting that advice into practice? That's tough.
I tread lightly here, understanding that Bible verses, like our key verse, may have been shared in ways they were never intended to be taught. I also understand that circumstances that require forgiveness are messy and complex. Holding the above tension drives us to seek how Christ's followers can obey this biblical mandate to forgive those who have sinned against us.
Many people need clarification about what forgiveness means. . The easiest way to approach the definition is to talk about what forgiveness is not and then define what forgiveness is.
Forgiveness is not:
Forgiveness is not forgetting. There is much wisdom to be gained from circumstances that require forgiveness. We don't have to forget what happened to use to move forward in obedience.
Forgiveness is also not approving of what another person did to you. Forgiveness does not erase the harm they caused or absolve their responisbitly for their actions.
Forgiveness does not mean you will never experience strong emotions again about what happened. You are not required to suppress your feelings to forgive someone
Finally, forgiveness is not a one-time decision, instead, it is a process that requires effort and intention.
Forgiveness is:
Forgiveness is recognizing that you don’t need bitterness or grudges as barriers in your life.
Forgiveness requires acknowledging that the experience was painful and, potentially, left a lasting mark. But resentment and self-pity from lack of forgiveness may keep others from getting close to you, blocking your chances of receiving help and healing.
Forgiveness is surrendering the desire to punish people who hurt you. If the offender is a new creation in Christ, then their sins, past present, and future, are fully forgiven and paid for, just like our sins have been forgiven. And if they are not in Christ, God’s judgment will be sufficient to correct the wrong, a truth that causes me to shudder.
Forgiveness is understanding that your identity isn't tied to what happened to you. Forgiveness is honoring your feelings and remembering the incident. Gradually, our hurt, anger, and bitterness can be replaced by acceptance and forgiveness as we do the work of healing.
Once we understand the limitations and possible stumbling blocks for human forgiveness, we can better grasp Christ’s model of forgiveness. Unlike our sin-stricken human forgiveness, Christ’s forgiveness is not limited by sin. God forgave us, offering mercy instead of retribution for our sins against Him.
Often, our situations are complicated by varying degrees of our sin, the sin of others, and the consequences of living in a broken world. But thankfully, our degree of forgiveness is not limited by those factors because of Christ’s sacrifice! We can forgive greatly when we realize how much we have been forgiven.
I don’t know about you, but my rebellious past and some present-day ‘thorns in my side’ are humbling reminders that I have been forgiven much. Remembering our fallenness helps us have compassion towards the fallenness of others. And while this is not an excuse for the harm people cause, paired with the implications of the gospel, we are freed to forgive despite the other person’s merit.
Let’s pray:
Lord, we acknowledge how difficult it is to forgive others. Forgive us when another person’s sin seems more grievous than our own. Lord, will you give us wisdom and grace to understand what forgiveness, in all its complexity, might look like in our individual situations? Help us to process those strong emotions with you and other safe people. Lord, help us know the appropriate boundaries and where we need to repent. Jesus, thank you for all we have been forgiven of when we did nothing to deserve your mercy. Thank you for not holding all the wrong things we did against us when you would have been justified in doing so. Please help us extend that to others, knowing you handle justice in perfect love, and we can rest in that. In Jesus’s name, amen.
Photo Credit: ©Thinkstock/chaunpis
Ashley Moore is a writer and host of be the two™podcast. She is known for her relatability and for passionately writing and speaking about mental, emotional, and relational health from a biblical worldview. She has written for Kingdom Edge Magazine, Guideposts, Crosswalk, The Secret Place, enLIVEn, The Bubbling Brook and more. If Ashley isn't writing, you can find her with her husband, three children, and two floppy-eared Goldens on their south Georgia farmland. The best way to connect with Ashley is to grab a free devotional or Bible study and join her newsletter at free.ashleynicolemoore.com.
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