Running on the treadmill one day, I started crying. Exercise seems to bring out all of my emotions. I had to slow the speed and wipe the tears with my sweaty shirt. In those moments of listening to the praise and worship songs, I felt the Spirit of God speak truth into my weary heart. I had been holding grief deep inside my soul. The busy season kept me from feeling the emotions, but in my heart, I knew something had to come out. I cried and cried because I felt God hadn’t left me after all. In fact, my grief was not a lack of faith but my way back to faith.
During that season of my life, I struggled with some very intense grief over dreams and goals. I had made plans. I had set goals. I had even prayed and asked God to lead me. He did. Until suddenly, life took a sudden turn, and I found myself in a place I didn’t want to be. I faced an obstacle too big for me, and I doubted.
My faith felt shipwrecked. When I looked at my life and all of the broken pieces of my dreams, I struggled to believe God was good. Did He really have a plan for life? As I walked those miles on the treadmill each day, I was reminded that I was not forgotten, and even though the waves of doubt threatened my faith, it wasn’t up to me to hold it together.
I surely didn’t have my life together, and nothing felt certain. I had made plans, held dreams, and achieved goals. Only when the unexpected happened, I struggled to hold on to faith. It is easy to have faith on the good days. It was on the days when life didn’t look like anything I had pictured that I questioned God’s leading. Did He really want me here? I could hear the whispers in the back of my mind… I didn’t sign up for this.
More than anything, I wanted to know the path before me, and the fog of doubt clouded my view. So, I waited and struggled with my faith. My faith felt so small. When doubt creeps in, our faith feels like a shipwreck on the bottom of the ocean floor.
Our life’s dreams are broken pieces of a ship we once called a good life. Is it even repairable? When our faith shifts and fades, what do we hold onto? In those moments, I’ve found doing these three things helps me to find intimacy with God again.
Grieve the Loss
The first thing I do is grieve. I used to think it was wrong to grieve the loss of things like dreams or plans. If I cried and mourned the loss of something like a dream, I thought maybe God would be angry with me. Grief felt like I was questioning God and His love and sovereign plan for my life. I knew enough about the Bible to believe that God was good and in control. If this was true, then why do we have to suffer?
Scholars have debated the idea of suffering for centuries. How could a good God allow suffering? The answers aren’t simple, but we know that it boils down to sin. In Genesis 3, we read that sin entered the world and death through sin (Romans 5:12). Since that time, mankind has suffered. God never causes the suffering, but God does allow His children to suffer. Through the suffering, He always has a purpose and a plan, but first, He invites us to grieve.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4 and Matthew 5:4 remind us that God comforts us in our grief. So, we are free to grieve, knowing God is there to comfort us. In the end, in Revelation 21:4, we are comforted by the fact that God will wipe all of our tears, and eventually, there will be one day that grief will be no more.
Today, when we face the unexpected, grieving the loss is how to cultivate a closer relationship with God. Grief isn’t wrong, but taking our grief to God is actually a chance to rely on Him and feel the comfort of His loving peace. These verses are there for us when we grieve.
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God Hasn’t Left
Psalm 34:18 reminds us that God is near to the brokenhearted. He is not put off by it. As we bring our grief to God, we are reminded over and over again that God doesn’t leave us. In the story of Moses and the children of Israel, we see a comforting exchange when Moses is on Mount Sinai.
God had asked Moses to go to the Promised Land, and Moses tells God in verse fourteen that he didn’t want to go to the Promised Land without God’s presence. God’s response was, “My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.” Exodus 33:14
We have that same promise. God never leaves us. All over scripture, we find promise after promise that God hasn’t left. It is our first thought to believe that God has left us, but these verses remind us that God never leaves! In fact, He is drawn closer to those who are suffering.
You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand. – Psalm 16:11
Come near to God and he will come near to you. – James 4:8
Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” – Hebrews 13:5
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. – Psalm 46:1
But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds. – Psalm 73:28
Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, et us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. – Hebrews 10:19-22
That last verse reminds us that because of Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross, we have instant access to God’s throne! When we come to God in prayer, we find grace. We have assurance that we have been made right through Christ, so we can have confidence in coming to God in our grief because He is close! Because He is close, we can deepen our intimacy with Him even if our faith feels shipwrecked.
Look for Goodness
How could this be good? I wondered about that while I ran on my treadmill that day. Maybe you have something in your life that doesn’t feel good at all. God sees you here today. Your grief doesn’t put him off, and He hasn’t left your side. Both of those things are good things in your season right now. If you only had His presence and His comfort, you would have enough.
But God doesn’t just give us those two things. I’m convinced that God gives us even more good things in our lives during seasons of grief. As I was running that day, I looked down at one of my children playing with their toys. I had been worried about them, and in that moment, my sweet little four-year-old smiled up at me. He was so happy playing pretend with his cars. His smile and the sparkle of his blue eyes reminded me of good things. He was a good thing in my life.
During another season, I remember walking again on the treadmill, grieving what would never be in our family. In that moment, I smelled the coffee brewing and remembered the new creamer in the fridge. That small thing was a reminder of God’s goodness in my life. Whether it has been soft blankets, snow-covered branches, a new teacher who is perfect for our child, or the new lemonade from a favorite restaurant, God has shown me His good things.
In those moments, I’m reminded of this verse:
How abundant are the good things that you have stored up for those who fear you, that you bestow in the sight of all, on those who take refuge in you. Psalm 31:19
What if you looked at your broken dreams and what feels like a ruined life, only to see that God is closer than you think and has good things stored up for you? God has stored up for you good things, and He will give them to you, when you take your refuge in Him.
When our faith feels shipwrecked, we can grieve the loss, remember that God hasn’t left, and look for goodness. All of these things help us to develop a deeper intimacy with God. If you would like to read more about my story of broken dreams and God’s goodness when our stories shift, join me in my new book, I Didn’t Sign Up for This. Available here and anywhere books are sold.
Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/PaulFleet
Sarah E. Frazer is a writer, Bible study mentor, wife of Jason, and mother of five. With a background in missionary work, Sarah encourages the weary woman to find peace in Jesus. She is a regular contributor to the Proverbs 31 First 5 app writing team as well as a featured writer for Crosswalk.com. Her favorite place to hang out is Instagram at @sarah_e_frazer.