She sat in my office, her face veiled by long strands of dark hair. In the room’s silence, I felt the tears drop. Dark dots peppered the legs of her blue jeans where they fell. Hidden behind those tresses dropped a waterfall of sorrow.
Throughout our years of ministry, my husband and I have been blessed to pour into the lives of younger generations. We’ve listened to hundreds of stories and placed ourselves into them, offering love and support. Now we’ve retired, and although our roles have morphed, the need continues for older spiritual mentors to come alongside younger believers in their unique journeys. It is a joy and privilege.
What Does it Mean to Mentor?
A variety of words describe the role of a mature Christian who nurtures and trains a younger believer. The methods and semantics mesh. Discipling, coaching, teaching, and mentoring refer to helping through the platform of experience and knowledge.
Merriam-Webster defines a disciple as one who “accepts and assists in spreading the doctrines of another.” The crowning example given by Jesus includes twelve chosen men whom He named as His disciples. Others who followed Him in the Bible were also called disciples of Christ. They distinguished themselves as followers or students of their Master, Jesus Christ. Disciples studied and disciplined themselves to become like their teachers.
A mentor, according to Merriam-Webster, is defined as a “trusted counselor or guide; tutor or coach.” Often, a mentor imparts to another a particular knowledge, skill, or occupation. Today, many consider mentoring as equipping for doing a task.
Overlapping in many ways yet distinctive in others, both terms hold an aspect of older to younger: someone with greater experience who pours their acquired expertise into someone with less experience.
What Can We Learn about Mentoring from Paul?
The Apostle Paul’s life interacted often and purposefully with younger believers. They accompanied him on missionary trips, they sat under his teaching, and he sent them out to do kingdom work on their own.
“Therefore I urge you to imitate me,” he wrote. (1 Corinthians 4:16 NIV)
Such a bold statement, inspired by the Holy Spirit, sounds almost arrogant to our ears. However, Paul himself follows it in the same chapter with warnings about arrogance. So, what in the world did he mean when he directed his readers to imitate him?
In the first chapter of the book of Corinthians, Paul sets the complete tone for his later statement. “Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ” (1 Corinthians 1:11 ESV). As a disciple imitates Christ, or a younger believer an experienced mentor, the purpose of imitation is to nurture growing faith in Christ.
In effect, Paul says, “Watch me.” Watch how I live and watch how I die. He shared his life with others, the victories and the defeats.
“You, however, have followed my teaching, my conduct, my aim in life, my faith, my patience, my love, my steadfastness, my persecutions and sufferings…” (2 Timothy 3:10-11 ESV).
Throughout his writings, his awareness of and responsibility to exemplify Christ is obvious. To those in Philippi, he encouraged, “Brothers, join in imitating me, and keep your eyes on those who walk according to the example you have in us” (Philippians 3:17 ESV).
He reminded the church in Thessalonica how he had behaved, worked hard, and lived among them so that they would follow his example (2 Thessalonians 3:7-9).
Younger believers need models. They often not only welcome older believers to come alongside but also feel a desperate need for such mentorship.
10 Ways We Can Mentor Younger Believers
1. Spend time with them. Get to know them and let them get to know you.
Take them to coffee, invite them to your home, enjoy a concert or a sport. Take them with you as you run errands or do ministry. Discover their hobbies, what they enjoy, and what they do not. By spending time together, we begin to understand their world and earn a voice into their lives.
2. Commit to the relationship in prayer.
Don’t just promise to pray for them; really do it. Make prayer a priority and pledge. Follow up on prayer requests. Pray together. Let the ministry of prayer become an expected part of your meeting together and a joyous anticipation of your relationship.
3. Listen more, talk less.
Young people need hearing ears. Ask questions that dig deeper to show you want to know their hearts. You will find as you listen, you will learn. As you mentor, you are also mentored.
4. Instruct through example and speech.
The Apostle Paul, in his interactions with people, didn’t mince words. He spoke truth even when it seemed harsh at times, but the doctrine and instruction he spouted came with example. He practiced what he preached. “What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.” (Philippians 4:9 ESV)
5. Share your experiences, but in proper doses.
The longer we live, the more experiences accumulate, but they are only teachers. Scripture is truth. As we have the opportunity to relate acquired wisdom, it must be subservient to God’s Word. When they align, they become a powerful mentoring tool.
6. Display care.
Show your interest is for their benefit above yours. Be open to their needs without being invasive. Ask appropriate questions. Never consider what feels important to them as trite even though you may not share the same interests. Demonstrate that you are concerned about the things which concern them.
7. Model the disciplines of a life dedicated to Christ.
Know the Word and keep growing in knowledge and in sound doctrine. Share what God is teaching you through daily Bible times. Talk about a recent conviction of the Spirit and how you see Him changing you. Share spiritual lessons you learn in the present, not just in the past. Be involved in and faithful to a local body of Christ. Encourage accountability.
8. Embrace growth and change in yourself.
Appreciate youth. In 1 Timothy 4:12 (ESV), Paul wrote, “Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity.”
Your attitude shows. Growth in every area of life inspires the same in others. Be teachable. Learn new skills. Force yourself to keep active physically and spiritually. Expand your technological boundaries and incorporate a flexible attitude as you do.
9. Examine your motives.
Paul’s directive to follow him stemmed from a greater desire for those he mentored to follow Christ. As we find ourselves in “watch me” mentorship, we must recognize we are not making clones of ourselves, but the higher calling points them to Christ. Pride doesn’t belong in the process of mentoring.
10. Relate.
As much as you are able, put yourself into their shoes, try them on, and walk about a bit before you give advice. Younger people want to know how we made it through what they might be facing. To mentor them, we need to understand, not necessarily agree with, but do our best to comprehend their culture and society. Remember, uninvited advice is often perceived as thinly veiled criticism.
Perhaps you are wondering about the young lady on the chair in my office. What we once described as a mentorship has long since simply been the deep and sweet friendship of two sisters in Christ. She has served Jesus well, both here and abroad, not without difficulties but also with joy. She has grown in her faith. Now, she mentors other younger believers. Her experience and example spur them to walk deeper with Jesus. Her life says, “Watch me imitate Christ.”
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/evgenyatamanenko
Sylvia Schroeder loves connecting God’s Word with real life and writing about it. She is a contributing writer for a variety of magazines and online sites. Sylvia is co-author of a devotional book and her writing is included in several book compilations. Mom to four, grandma to 14, and wife to her one and only love, Sylvia enjoys writing about all of them.
Her love for pasta and all things Italian stems from years of ministry abroad. She’d love to tell you about it over a steaming cup of cappuccino. Connect with Sylvia on her blog, When the House is Quiet, her Facebook page, or Twitter.