The idea of spending time with family during the holidays can stir up a host of emotions. Getting to see extended family members and reuniting with cousins brings excitement. Navigating travel arrangements, work schedules, and vacation time can be overwhelming. Having another year with your grandparents around the holiday table is heart-warming. Trying to find the perfect gift for your in-laws is nerve-racking. Hosting your family at Thanksgiving: grateful, stressed, delightful, and fearful are a few emotions that come to mind.
Do you desire to host your family during the holidays (or maybe you were voluntold) but find yourself stressing about the planning, organizing, or executing? Read on.
Here Are 5 Tips for Hosting a Family Gathering:
1. Take a Deep Breath
I get it; having people over to your house, no matter the size of your kitchen table or backyard can be overwhelming, especially if it’s your first year being the host. But before you work yourself into a tizzy, take a deep breath and think about why you are hosting in the first place. Holidays are for gathering your loved ones, friends, and family for a meal and enjoying some time together. Yes, plans are to be made, lists to be curated and checked off, and invites to be extended. But it’s not the food you serve, the size of the table centerpiece, or the perfectly paired napkin holders and place cards that matter. It’s providing a place where people feel welcomed and loved.
So, the first thing we must do is keep a proper perspective. Remind ourselves that it's not about the decor, the menu, or even who shows up at our table, but the gift of gathering.
2. Set a Menu
I’ve learned over the years that families do holidays differently. I grew up always having a turkey on Thanksgiving day. But, one year in college, I learned that my friend’s family always had an oyster roast to celebrate “Turkey Day.” Holidays are not a one-size-fits-all-all event. So, find freedom in setting a menu that works for your family.
- Don’t have a bunch of meat eaters? Skip the turkey.
- Live in a coastal town, and there’s a fresh catch? Opt for seafood as the main course.
- Does your family love being able to munch throughout the day? Serve a bunch of appetizers and pick-ups.
- Are you all traditionalists? Great! Grab the turkey, slice the ham, or marinate the chicken.
Pick a menu that your family will enjoy. There’s one caveat. The bigger your family, the more diverse the preferences and opinions. I would encourage you to pick one general theme; think like seafood, or traditional, or soups, etc. Adding multiple varieties of food will just cause more headaches.
It’s good to know if there are any allergies or special food needs. It would be nice to have something they could eat, but changing the whole menu to meet one person’s needs is unnecessary, opt for making sure there are a few options for those with specific dietary needs.
3. Elicit Help
Just because you open your home to hosting your family doesn't mean you are responsible for all the food. One, providing food for a group is a lot of work and can be expensive, which means additional stress. You can ask people to bring items in a few ways. You could text or e-mail and ask people to comment on what they want. You could also assign family members dishes to contribute. Along with the main course, don’t forget about drinks, desserts, paper products, and cutlery if you plan on limiting your washing.
Don’t hesitate to ask your nephews to come over early to help set up tables. If your aunt offers to clean the dishes after dinner, let her. When help is offered, accept it graciously. My mom always used to say, “Many hands make light work,” this is especially true when hosting family events.
4. Make a Plan.
A quick Google search on “how to host an event” will produce numerous charts on how much to cook for your guests. Some websites even have food and drink calculators; you just enter the number of children and adults, and viola, perfect portions! After you make your food countdown, figure out which foods can be prepped, fully cooked, or frozen ahead of time, and start looking at dividing up your cleaning tasks.
Again, the web is filled with charts and timelines for breaking down cleaning for a group. Please refrain from deep cleaning your home before the party, as it will likely need a thorough cleaning after your house guests have departed.
Once you have established a food plan and cleaning plan, you can make a plan for the day of the event. Work in 30-minute increments (again, use the web; it's your friend), and when able, think of one of your guests who could help with the tasks. For instance, have your mom watch the sweet potatoes once you’ve added the topping. Or have your kids pour the ice for the drinks. The goal is for you to be able to move about your guests freely, not chained to the stove or unable to leave the kitchen until it is time to eat.
5. Be Flexible
A friend recently shared that she hosts a Friendsgiving rather than her family. I laughed, thinking she was kidding, but unfortunately, she was serious. She found that her friends were more forgiving when the food came out a little crispy, dinner was delayed, or she forgot the gluten-free side. But she felt her family was highly critical, and they were bent out of shape when things didn’t go according to plan.
I understood what she was saying, but as both the host and the guest, we can remember to be flexible with our family this holiday. Again, the important thing is that we are gathered together, enjoying time spent over a good meal and fellowship. And, should your uncle comment on your green bean casserole, let it slide; his loss, more for everyone else!
Hosting a family gathering is not only doable but an excellent opportunity to have everyone together. Remember, it doesn’t have to be Pinterest-perfect for people to have a good time. Opening your home and your heart is enough this holiday season.
Laura Bailey is an author and Bible teacher who encourages women to understand what they believe, why it matters, and how to apply biblical truths to their lives. Her recent book, Embracing Eternity in the Here and Now, explores how the timeless truths of Ecclesiastes help us live more peaceful, purposeful, and plentiful lives today.
She lives in Upstate South Carolina with her husband and three young girls, where she serves as director of women's ministries at her church. Her passion is teaching the Bible to women, equipping them to live with an eternal perspective. Invite Laura to speak at your next event or learn more: www.LauraRBailey.com