Stereotypes exist for a reason, so when I hear older people complain about folks my age or younger, I don’t always roll my eyes. I can’t. Sometimes, they actually make good points. To be completely honest, sometimes I find myself complaining about the younger generation, too. What’s interesting is that oftentimes, the things that irk us the most are the very behaviors we exhibit, or at least did in the past. The more we age, the more we seem to forget that we were once the very people we complain about.
As I grow older and excitedly wait for the gray hairs and newfound wisdom, I realize that, in some ways, growing old is like becoming young again. And not necessarily in a good way. Aside from the aches and pains that our twenties introduce, there’s a certain mindset older people often have, one I hope to be aware of and, thus, not emulate.
If stereotypes exist for a reason, then there’s an explanation for why younger folks say that older people don’t listen, don’t change, and always believe they know what’s best. I tend to agree. I’ve seen that in my family, in church, even from strangers I converse with.
We become like kids in some ways that are unavoidable, like needing help using the bathroom or needing someone to explain new technology to us. Yet, there are avoidable traits that many people take on with age, such as pride and a fear of the unknown.
While we certainly don’t have to become like our parents, we don’t have to become like children either. No matter how old you are, having a teachable spirit is an invitation for God to work in your life. Our knowledge is finite, so there’s always something to learn. And if we’re forever sinners, then there’s always some way we can grow. No matter your age.
The more mindful we are, the better we can curb the sinful tendencies that come with time. Here are some bad habits we should all be aware of as we grow older.
1. Impulse Control
As children, when we wanted something, we wanted it then and now. Some of the older generations have a much easier time saying no to ice cream, but not necessarily with situations like sharing their point of view. I’ve seen and experienced the angst that comes with being asked for an opinion and then not being allowed to speak. Instead of offering my perspective, I’m relegated to listening. I’ve had to force my perspective and, at times, have had to call the older person out, which they excused, saying, “I didn’t want to forget what I had to say.”
Similarly, some older folks give unsolicited advice and don’t care for your take one way or another. This can be both annoying and funny because, to some measure, we all do this. I certainly attest to giving unsolicited advice and talking over people.
2. Pride
“I can do what I want. I’m old.” I’ve heard people use that line in one way or another, and unironically. Being elderly is an undeniable blessing and proof of not just living x amount of years, but likely evidence you have a rich history of service, work, and family. However, being old doesn’t always mean you know better or know what’s right in every instance. There’s always something to learn from people, no matter their age. Younger people are more than just a conduit to technological understanding. Sometimes, kids can impart wisdom to adults, and sometimes, adults can do just that for their elders.
3. Impatient
Who among us doesn’t struggle with patience in some capacity? Kids are more patient with other people and less so with themselves. When we become adults, especially older adults, we become increasingly patient with ourselves and less so with other people. And just like being a kid, that impatience can get us into trouble. Problems that could be solved through talking it out and finding mutual understanding are exacerbated because we’re too impatient to hear the other person out. We assume we’re right and they’re wrong, and we wear the anger on our faces.
4. Entitlement
One way pride comes out in our behavior is through entitlement. We believe that we’re owed something based on our accomplishments, our service to others, our faith, and more. The truth is that what God gives us is a blessing. Our families, our possessions, our education. Everything. If we were truly dealt what we were owed, we’d all face damnation, no matter what accolades we have earned during our decades of living. Therefore, justifying our bad behavior because of our age is never a good excuse.
5. Not Open to Learning
One of my biggest fears about becoming older is that I will lose my desire to learn new things. I won’t ask questions of people and ideas, but I will share my opinion whether or not I am asked. What I’ve been told, however, by old and young folks alike, is that becoming like this is a choice. No one forces any of us to stop learning. We choose whether or not to be teachable all throughout our lives. Those who want to learn to ask questions and those who don’t, won’t. As we get older, we shouldn’t shy away from asking questions. In fact, we should show younger people the benefits that come with being humble.
6. Fear of the Unknown
Years ago, I was tasked with helping an elderly lady nearing retirement as the daycare’s cook learn how to upload her recipes online. We worked together over the course of weeks, and the stress this woman felt was palpable. Her fear of needing to use the computer for work brought her to tears. She was being forced to do something way out of her comfort zone, something she had avoided for over sixty years!
I was moved and reminded of the fears that we allow to plague us throughout our lives. There’s always something to be anxious about and weary of, but when our mindset is focused on God, we recall that He is bigger than any obstacle. We may not always like the circumstances we deal with, but with Him, we can deal with them.
7. Trouble Listening
Sometimes, when I have unsolicited wisdom being imparted to me, I offer disagreement. And sometimes, what I find is that my disagreement is interpreted as not understanding. In other words, the older person is essentially saying, “If you were listening, you would agree. If you disagree, then you aren’t listening.” Children do that, too. And surely, at some point, I have done the same as an adult. Active listening is hard to do, and many people are not good at it, but not being good at something and not trying are two different things. If we want to emulate Jesus in the church or at home, then we should all be striving to listen actively. Not listening to respond, but to understand. Many of our relational and even community problems could be resolved if active listening actually occurred.
Conclusion
Despite the stereotypes and hardships that come with old age, I’m excited. Something about having a beard with gray streaks strikes my fancy. More importantly, the Bible speaks to the honor and blessing that comes with reaching such a milestone. Older people have a history of family, of service, and much that they have brought to the world. They aren’t perfect by any means, but none of us are.
While we can easily recognize the flaws of generations before and after us, we would all do well to look in the mirror. There’s so much that we don’t like in others that we ourselves exhibit. And so much that is wrong with us that perhaps we choose not to see.
If we want to do any good for those around us, then we would be wise to always aim to be teachable. There’s always something to tell that man or woman when we look in the mirror. Only then do people really have a reason to listen.
Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/NADOFOTOS
Aaron D'Anthony Brown is a freelance writer, hip-hop dance teacher, and visual artist, living in Virginia. He currently contributes to Salem Web Network’s Crosswalk platform and supports various clients through the freelancing website Upwork. He's an outside-the-box thinker with a penchant for challenging the status quo.
Get in touch with him at aarondanthony.com and check out his debut short story anthology Honey Dreams on Amazon and Barnes and Noble.