The Bible has much to say about discipline, but only a portion relates to children. In fact, verses about God disciplining His adult children (especially in the Old Testament) lead many non-believers to believe that God is cruel and unjust.
Therefore, let’s examine the bigger picture: how and why God disciplines His people. Then, we can look at verses that talk about children specifically.
What Does the Bible Say about God Disciplining His Children?
The first story of God’s discipline occurred at the beginning of humanity on Earth. Adam and Eve were given only one restriction from God–seemingly only one way they could sin against Him. God created a perfect home for them and told them not to eat from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. Otherwise, they would die. They listened to Satan’s lie and betrayed God. From that moment, evil entered the world—and so did discipline, punishment, and consequences. Their discipline included being banished from the garden, having to grow their own food from the ground, and suffering much pain in childbirth.
But in each of these punishments, God provided for His children because of His love and compassion. Leaving the garden meant they couldn’t eat from the Tree of Life and be separated from Him for eternity. Growing their own food would require hard work, but God would still provide the seeds to get Adam started, who would then learn about how God revives and replenishes. Suffering pain in childbirth was Eve’s punishment, yet the pain ends with the birth, glorifying God in His mercy. He allowed them to continue to enjoy intimacy and experience the joy of watching a child be born and grow.
In his Crosswalk.com article “What is God’s Discipline Like?” Dr. Roger Barrier says, “When we think of discipline, we think of punishment. But discipline is so much more than that. Discipline may include training, educating, practicing, and willpower. These are all positive, life-changing things.” They are gifts borne of the love of the Father toward His children.
When God disciplines His children in the Old Testament, they have not listened to and followed his commands. Over and over, they disobeyed, God sent forth His punishment, the Israelites repented, and God forgave because it is His nature to forgive. But He wanted His people to be set apart from the people of other lands, and that’s why many lost their lives because they didn’t love God or follow His ways.
For example, Moses tells the people in Deuteronomy 4:1-4, “Now, Israel, hear the decrees and laws I am about to teach you. Follow them so that you may live and may go in and take possession of the land the Lord, the God of your ancestors, is giving you. Do not add to what I command you and do not subtract from it, but keep the commands of the Lord your God that I give you. You saw with your own eyes what the Lord did at Baal Peor. The Lord your God destroyed from among you everyone who followed the Baal of Peor, but all of you who held fast to the Lord your God are still alive today.”
Where Does the Bible Talk about Parents Spanking or Discipling Children?
God destroyed from among the Israelites those who disobeyed. That was how serious he was about His people’s obedience. But what are we to learn from Deuteronomy 21:18?
“If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who does not obey his father and mother and will not listen to them when they discipline him, his father and mother shall take hold of him and bring him to the elders at the gate of his town.”
The parents will explain how the son is behaving. Then verse 21 says, “Then all the men of his town shall stone him to death. You must purge the evil from among you. All Israel will hear of it and be afraid.”
We can compare or contrast that with proverbs written by King Solomon, the man whom God blessed with great wisdom (but fell out of favor later with God by marrying pagan women and building altars to their gods.) The Book of Proverbs contains the greatest number of sayings about disciplining children. These include proverbs like 13:24: “Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.” Also, 22:15: “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far away.”
But then there are gentler proverbs that say, “Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it” (Proverbs 22:6).
Are we to assume that in the two earlier proverbs, he literally meant that discipline comes from taking a rod to some part of a child’s body? Can discipline take other forms?
As Dr. Barrier said above, discipline could have many purposes and, therefore, could take many forms–they don’t have to be things that physically hurt the child. God treasures children. In her Christianity.com article, Candice Lucey says, “God’s anger burns hottest against those who harm children because children are the most helpless and impressionable members of society.”
Why Must We Be Careful about What the Bible Says about Disciplining Children?
We must ask the Holy Spirit to help us discern a command from God for all generations, such as “love your neighbor as yourself,” and what was only appropriate to the time and culture in which it was written. Do we need to consider the context in any of these? Is there a universal principle we can pull from it (without our bias getting in the way)? And again–was Solomon throwing around terms like “rod” literally or figuratively?
I prefer to err on the side of caution when it comes to disciplining children. I grew up in a generation when parents believed in not sparing the rod. It became a running quip among moms to say, “Just wait until your father gets home,” which often meant that Dad would dole out corporal punishment to one or more disobedient children. My six siblings and I were regularly spanked by hand and by belt when we were young. We learned less about how to stop a behavior he didn’t like than we did about fear. That fear affected our relationship with our father for many years. I wish my father had respected Colossians 3:21: “Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.”
But my story is not everyone’s story. I think we need to learn as much as possible about God’s character, how Jesus valued children when He was on earth, and overall precepts like the fruit of the spirit when deciding how to raise our children.
What Principles Can We Learn from How God Disciplines His Children?
The book of Hebrews speaks of God’s discipline for those who have come to faith in Jesus as Messiah. First, it tells us not to “make light of the Lord’s discipline” (Hebrews 12:5) but rather take seriously what God is trying to teach us through suffering and persecution. We must “endure hardship as discipline” as one of God’s children. But God promises that “later on” our discipline/suffering “will produce a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” (Hebrews 12:11)
When it comes to disciplining our children, their “suffering” will not begin to compare to how God uses hardship in our lives. Yet, with good biblical communication from their parents, it should teach them that discipline can help them grow into righteous, peaceful people who are a trophy of God’s mercy.
Photo Credit: Unsplash/Ben White
Mary Oelerich-Meyer is a Chicago-area freelance writer and copy editor who prayed for years for a way to write about and for the Lord. She spent 20 years writing for area healthcare organizations, interviewing doctors and clinical professionals and writing more than 1,500 articles in addition to marketing collateral materials. Important work, but not what she felt called to do. She is grateful for any opportunity to share the Lord in her writing and editing, believing that life is too short to write about anything else. Previously she served as Marketing Communications Director for a large healthcare system. She holds a B.A. in International Business and Marketing from Cornell College (the original Cornell!) When not researching or writing, she loves to spend time with her writer daughter, granddaughter, rescue doggie and husband (not always in that order).