The “most wonderful time of the year,” extolled by the popular Christmas song, includes hearts glowing, laughter, and love overflowing. And December certainly does overflow. We have many opportunities to participate in fun activities such as parties, church programs, music, special outings, crafts, food, and visits with family and friends.
The song's lyrics also promise “jingle belling,” visiting, parties, and even “mistletoeing.” For a child with special needs, though, all the holiday hubbub stirs some less-than-wonderful feelings. Changes in routine and sensory overload may sour even the most meaningful celebration. Instead of having merry feelings at Christmas, kids feel miserable. And that means parents feel miserable, too.
As a mom to a child with Down syndrome who happens to love all things Christmas, I learned early on that my Christmas plans could throw my daughter into a grouchy, agitated mood. Changes to our daily routine produced anxiety. Spontaneous activities spawned stubborn resistance. Glittering decorations, lights, songs, and even too much laughter provoked meltdowns. Sugary treats around every corner and lack of sleep messed with energy levels. Gatherings taxed her rudimentary social skills.
Over time, experience taught me to temper my Christmas enthusiasm with wisdom that helped my child participate in a meaningful and pleasant way. Perhaps you can use some of these practical tips to help your children with special needs be merry—not miserable—this Christmas.
Here Are 10 Tips to Help Special Needs Kids Be Merry at Christmas
1. Keep Christ at the center of your Christmas season.
We often schedule so many activities during Christmas that we minimize the celebration of the birth of Jesus. Take time with your children each day to quiet your hearts and draw near to God through His Word. You can find a kid-friendly devotion book or simply read a bit of Scripture from the Nativity accounts in the Bible. When we reset our hearts anew each day, we can experience an oasis of peace in the middle of a busy time of year.
2. As much as possible, maintain normal routines.
No matter how careful we are, routines necessarily change around the holidays. The break from school is unavoidable. No doubt, all the special activities will push sleep schedules to the limit. As best you can, think ahead and prepare to circumvent meltdowns caused by change. For example, if you visit overnight with Grandma and Grandpa, take your child’s favorite blanket. I always make sure we have the usual breakfast food for my daughter. If your child likes to color every day, pack a bag with the necessary supplies.
When you need to change the routine, give as much advance warning as possible. Explain in simple terms the details that will help them feel comfortable. As an activity concludes, be sure to give another cue five minutes before the transition. When your children succeed in controlling themselves during an unexpected event, verbally praise them. You could also add a sticker to a reward chart to work towards a small, longer-term prize.
3. Create a visual planner.
List your activities on a simple calendar or make a pictorial planner that lets your child know what to expect for the day, week, or whatever length of time they can handle. You may need to give more verbal cues before transitions if the routine is unfamiliar. Some kids like to place a checkmark or sticker as each item is completed. With this strategy, you give your child a roadmap to navigate their days.
4. Tend to physical needs.
As schedules change during the Christmas season, eating habits, sleep, and physical activity also fluctuate. The state of our kids’ physical bodies affects how they respond to stress. We can help them stay balanced by watching the consumption of sweets, junk food, and dyes. As much as possible, allow for a typical sleep schedule or even a bit extra sleep to recover from holiday stressors. Physical activity also contributes to the well-being of the mind and releases pent-up energy in a positive way.
5. Regulate your own emotions.
We’ve all heard the saying, “When Mama isn’t happy, no one is happy.” How we express our emotions profoundly affects the entire family's mood. Our children sense our stress and often mirror it. If we can regulate our own feelings in the midst of change or uncertainty, our kids will have a model to follow.
6. Consider accommodations that promote successful participation.
While we may choose not to participate in some activities to keep our stress manageable, others may be accessible with accommodations. For example, a child may need ear protection to tolerate a concert. Craft materials at a party might be prepped ahead of time to circumvent fine motor frustration. A child who wants to participate in a play may need another child to act as a buddy. Bringing your own food to a party may overcome dietary challenges.
7. Give choices when appropriate.
When the holiday season seems hectic to our kids, the opportunity to make choices can help them feel more in control. Whenever appropriate, involve them in decision-making by offering limited, rather than open-ended, choices. For example, you may allow them to choose between two activities or to decide which to do first. They may select from a predetermined set of toys to take to an event. Depending on age and ability, you can ask for their input about purchases when you’re shopping together.
8. Practice social skills in advance.
Christmas presents many opportunities to hone social skills. So many they may overwhelm our kids. We can help them understand how to respond by describing what to expect and talking about appropriate behavior. Discuss verbal or nonverbal cues you may give to help remind them in the moment. Rehearsing social skills in advance doesn’t guarantee success, but it often helps.
9. Don’t stretch your child’s limits.
The pace of the holidays can stretch the limits of our children. Just as a rubber band sometimes snaps when stretched, our children will melt down when pushed beyond their capacity for change. Sometimes, we need to say “no” to activities we know are outside their tolerance. Perhaps you can enjoy some of these events by hiring someone to stay with your child, asking Grandma, or swapping babysitting with another family.
When you go out with your child, watch for signs of fatigue that might lead to a meltdown. Even if it means missing part of an event or making several smaller shopping trips, you’ll build on success when you leave at a high point rather than waiting for a tantrum.
10. Be Merry, Not Miserable
We’ll never control all the variables around the holiday season, but we can ask God for wisdom as we plan our activities.
"Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand." (Philippians 4:6-7a NLT)
When we follow God’s leading throughout the Christmas season, we will find that choosing a pace to help our kids feel more comfortable will also make the holidays more satisfying, meaningful, and merry for the whole family.
Author's note: I’m offering a free Advent devotional, Celebrate Christ, to help you and your family focus on Jesus throughout this Christmas season. Contact me and mention you read about it at Crosswalk, and I will be happy to send it to you. https://annieyorty.com/contact/
Photo credit: ©GettyImages/YanaTikhonova
Annie Yorty writes and speaks to encourage others to perceive God’s person, presence, provision, and purpose in the unexpected twists and turns of life. Married to her high school sweetheart and living in Pennsylvania, she mothers a teen, two adult children (one with intellectual disabilities), and a furry beast labradoodle. She has written From Ignorance to Bliss: God’s Heart Revealed through Down Syndrome, and a devotional, 25 Symbols of Christmas: Finding Jesus. Please connect with her at AnnieYorty.com, Facebook, and Instagram.
Related Resource: Strengthening Your Marriage While Raising a Child with Disabilities
In this episode of Empowering Homeschool Conversations, your host Annie Yorty and her special guests dive into the unique challenges and beautiful complexities of maintaining a strong, loving partnership while navigating the demands of special needs parenting. Our expert guests bring a wealth of knowledge and personal experience to the table, offering invaluable insights and practical strategies for fostering resilience, connection, and joy in your marriage. Whether you're homeschooling parents seeking support, or simply looking for ways to strengthen your relationship amidst life's challenges, this conversation promises to provide the inspiration and tools you need to thrive together. Listen now!