Valentine's Day is a great way for significant others to show their love to each other. However, husbands or wives who have lost a loved one this past year may find Valentine's Day especially difficult. They may want to ignore the holiday altogether or stay at home that day. They may not want to recognize the holiday at all. But this is a great time for those who know them to pray for them during this time. If grieving spouses can switch their perspectives and focus on the agape love that Christ shows us, they may have a great Valentine's Day after all. Here are five ways to find peace this Valentine's Day as a grieving husband or wife:
Help Me Know Your Love
God shows us love in a myriad of ways. He has shown us agape love by giving up his son. He shows us eros love when he blesses us with his gifts. He shows us phileo love in that, “greater love has no man than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.” A grieving husband or wife may want to celebrate the holiday, but don't know how. By showing the different forms of love to everyone you know, you will understand love in more intimate ways.
For example, you may want to show agape love to someone by forgiving them for something they've done. You might want to show eros love by praying for a friend’s most intimate needs. You may want to show phileo love by having their small group over for dinner or dessert. When a grieving husband or wife ventures out to show love to others, they are blessed more than they realize.
Help Me to Grieve
When we lose someone, especially a spouse, it hurts the most. It may be difficult to grieve that loss. Pray and ask the Holy Spirit to allow you to unleash the feelings you have of grief and loss over your loved one. It's OK to cry out to God, and it's OK to weep. Weeping is good for the soul. Jesus wept over the loss of his friend. It is normal to want to weep. Weeping cleanses us of any negative emotions we may carry from our loss. The Bible tells us in the Old Testament that people grieved for an extended period. Everything stopped in the town as people grieved whatever loss they were experiencing. However, today, we don't experience loss the same. We take a day or two at best to participate in a funeral, and then we go about our business as if nothing happened. Yet, that person is still not with us. We carry those negative emotions around because we don't know what to do with them. Instead, we bury them among our to-do lists and caring for loved ones, and other things that make us forget for a time. However, those emotions resurface at difficult times in our lives and don't benefit our souls.
Use your quiet time with the Lord to grieve deeply. Ask the Holy Spirit to recall memories that trigger these emotions. It may be difficult at first to experience these deep emotions, but know that it is good for you.
Help Me Remember the Good Times
One way to show that you have never forgotten your spouse is to memorialize them in your home. Clean off a fireplace, mantle, or shelf. Place favorite memories and photos of them. Place keepsakes there that will help trigger your memories the best. Put it in a place where you can see it often. Again, it will be difficult at first to look over and see the person who is no longer with you. But when you surround yourself with memories of them, it helps you take solace in the fact that they are not here with you physically, but they are in spirit. Additionally, if your spouse was a Christian, you can take hope in the fact that this is not forever, but only until we reach heaven. Time will help heal the wound, and eventually, you'll be able to share good stories and memories, looking at photos with fondness instead of grief.
Help Me Show Love to My Family
Although Valentine's Day is reserved for significant others in a romantic relationship, it doesn't have to be. We can show that type of love for everyone in our lives. Use Valentine's Day as an excuse to do something fun with the whole family. Go out for the day and go to a special family-friendly area. Go to your favorite indoor activity that everyone will enjoy. Invite grandchildren, aunts, uncles, nieces, and nephews. Have fun spending time with those you love.
If you can't gather everyone together, brainstorm and discover a gift you can get everyone. You can get individualized gifts to show that person you really know them, or you can get everyone the same gift. It's up to you. Ship them out before Valentine's Day and make it a surprise. Meet with them all on Zoom and let them open the gifts together. Even if you can't get together, plan the same dinner and eat together over Zoom. You may not be physically present, but you can be there in spirit with the use of technology.
Help Me Love You
Above all, Valentine’s Day is an opportunity to love God more. As a grieving spouse, you may find you're having difficulty spending quality time with God, and that's OK. Ask God to give you ideas as to how to spend more quality time with him. It can be as simple as making quiet time with him longer, or even just starting the quiet time. Many people struggle with silence and solitude. This can be a holiday where you start spending quality time with the one who loves you the most. Do a Bible study on the word love and write down all the ways God loves us. Place them on an index card or piece of paper and tape it to the most prominent place in the home, preferably a bathroom mirror or in the bedroom. Every day, reflect on it and repeat these verses to remind yourself how much God loves you. By meeting God's desire to have fellowship with you, your main desire for connection and fellowship will also be met.
Grieving husbands and wives can look upon Valentine's Day with dread, or they can look upon it with anticipation. This can be a great holiday to show people they are loved. By demonstrating great love for others, we are a living example of Christ’s loving act of sacrifice for everyone, including those who are grieving.
Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Tero Vesalainen
Michelle S. Lazurek is a multi-genre award-winning author, speaker, pastor's wife, and mother. She is a literary agent for Wordwise Media Services and a certified writing coach. Her new children’s book Hall of Faith encourages kids to understand God can be trusted. When not working, she enjoys sipping a Starbucks latte, collecting 80s memorabilia, and spending time with her family and her crazy dog. For more info, please visit her website www.michellelazurek.
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