“To answer before listening – that is folly and shame.” Proverbs 18:13
I try to listen more than I talk. Growing up, I started that practice because I was shy. Now, I’ve overcome my shyness and enjoy talking as well as listening. But I still try to listen more than I talk, because I’ve learned that listening – really listening – to people is vitally important. When I listen to people well, God’s love flows through me, and people get the message that they matter. Listening is a valuable gift I can give people. It’s also a valuable gift to me, because of what I learn from others when I truly listen to them.
Listening is not a passive act; it’s an active engagement of the heart and mind. It requires intentionality, humility, a willingness to set aside our agendas, and an openness to learning. Listening honors the inherent worth and dignity of the people speaking. It recognizes their humanity, their experiences, and their perspective. It’s a vital part of living the loving lives God wants us to live. When we listen well, we cultivate connections, spread kindness, and pave the way for healing relationships.
However, in our fallen world, too many people talk more than they listen. They “answer before listening”, as Proverbs 18:3 says. In this stressful world, it can be tempting to rush to judgment, to interject with our own opinions, or to allow anger to affect our interactions. Yet, the Bible reminds us of the importance of listening, in Proverbs 18:3 and in other verses, such as James 1:19-20: “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” When we fail to listen, we not only dishonor others but also diminish ourselves, since we miss out on opportunities to grow in holiness through listening well.
So, how can we learn to listen well? It begins by recognizing that we don’t have all the answers and that others have valuable insights to offer. From there, we can build listening skills like these:
-Being present: When someone is speaking to us, we should give them our full attention. That means putting away distractions like phones or laptops and maintaining eye contact to show that we are fully engaged. Giving someone the gift of our full attention is a powerful act of love.
-Practicing empathetic listening: It’s important to understand not only the words being spoken but also the emotions and experiences underlying them. So, we need to pay attention to nonverbal cues in the people speaking, such as body language and tone of voice. Those cues can often convey more than words alone. Also, our own body language and tone of voice can affect the quality of our listening. We can maintain an open posture and friendly tone of voice, nod occasionally to show we’re following along and avoid fidgeting.
-Practicing patience: We should allow space for people to express themselves fully and without interruption. Avoid the urge to jump in with our own thoughts or opinions before they have finished speaking. Rather than planning what we’re going to say in response, focus on what messages the people who are speaking are communicating to us.
-Suspending judgment: Instead of immediately forming opinions or mentally preparing our response while the other person is speaking, try to suspend judgment and truly listen with an open mind. This allows for a deeper understanding of the speaker’s perspective.
-Asking clarifying questions: If something is unclear or we need more context, we shouldn’t hesitate to ask clarifying questions. This demonstrates our genuine interest in understanding other people’s points of view. Seek to learn from other people’s perspectives.
-Reflecting on what we’ve heard: Summarize or paraphrase what we’ve heard to ensure that we’ve understood correctly. This not only confirms our understanding but also shows respect for people’s messages. As we reflect on what we’ve learned, we may experience a wide range of emotional responses. Even if the messages we hear are challenging, it’s important to make sure we hear people accurately.
The more we ask the Holy Spirit to help us, the more we can learn to listen well, because the Spirit will help us develop the qualities that make us good listeners – qualities such as patience, gentleness, and self-control. We need to pray for help to truly listen when people talk with us and try to listen more than we talk. We’ll be blessed by what we learn as a listener, while also blessing others in the process!
Dear God, please give me the grace to listen well – to hear not only with my ears but also with my heart. Help me set aside my own agenda so I can fully focus on the messages other people are trying to communicate to me. Please give me the patience to listen without interruption, the empathy to understand deeply, and the love to respond with kindness and compassion. May I listen well to you, too, so I can notice your presence with me and practice discernment as you lead me. Thank you, God. Amen.
Photo Credit: ©Unsplash/Aricka Lewis
Whitney Hopler helps people discover God's wonder and experience awe. She is the author of several books, including the nonfiction books Wake Up to Wonder and Wonder Through the Year: A Daily Devotional for Every Year, and the young adult novel Dream Factory. Whitney has served as an editor at leading media organizations, including Crosswalk.com, The Salvation Army USA’s national publications, and Dotdash.com (where she produced a popular channel on angels and miracles). She currently leads the communications work at George Mason University’s Center for the Advancement of Well-Being. Connect with Whitney on her website at www.whitneyhopler.com, on Facebook, and on X/Twitter.
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