‘For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate.” - Mark 10:7-9
It seems like the Pharisees and “teachers of the law” were forever trying to trap Jesus into saying something that would incriminate him in some way—testing him and testing his answers. They were legalists to the extreme – requiring obedience to the most minute letter of the law, even that law that came from men and not from God. Of course, Jesus reserved his most stringent rebuke for these religious dogmatists and used these opportunities to teach some of his most important lessons.
On one of these occasions, the Pharisees asked Jesus if it was lawful for a man to divorce his wife – claiming that Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send his wife away. Jesus then replied that Moses allowed this simply because of the hard hearts of human beings, almost as an accommodation to our sinful nature. (Mark 10:2-5) Then he added a lesson we all know well if we have studied the Bible.
“But at the beginning of creation, God ‘made them male and female.’ ‘For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate.” - Mark 10:6-9
We presume that Adam and Eve were married. They had children and generations of grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Genesis 2 tells it this way:
But for Adam, no suitable helper was found. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep, and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said,
“This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh;
She shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.”
That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. (v. 20b – 24)
“What God has joined together” is unquestioned in this passage. And Adam made it pretty obvious that his heart was given to Eve. What is not so obvious is where they were formally married in the course of events.
The lesson on divorce is crystal clear, as is the lesson on marriage between a man and a woman. However, what is unclear in all of Scripture is what precisely defines marriage. How are we to know what God has joined together? At what point does God consider a man and woman to be married? The Bible’s silence on the subject makes the question a bit challenging.
There are many viewpoints on the matter – each one presenting its challenges.
Differing Viewpoints
Perhaps the most common thought on this, especially here in the US, is that God considers a man and woman married only when they have completed some kind of formal wedding ceremony – when they have taken vows before a pastor. This, they consider, is being “married in the church” and equate that to being married before God. Of course, no such guidance or requirement is outlined in the Bible.
Some would say that God creating woman and giving her to Adam is representative of a father giving away his daughter. Of course, John describes when Jesus and his disciples attended a wedding in Cana in chapter 2 of his gospel. Jesus would not have attended the ceremony had he not approved of the event. But does this indicate that a wedding ceremony is required and in God’s sight? While there is a great deal of merit to this viewpoint, many questions are also raised.
If such a ceremony is required – what would the requirements of the ritual be exactly? Must it be in a physical church building or before a pastor? What church would be acceptable? Or…unacceptable? One that is apostate or maybe does not agree with certain theology? Jehovah’s Witness or LDS? Suppose the pastor is gay? Or would this require adding more rules to the rules – or exceptions to the rules?
Another common viewpoint is that God considers a man and woman married when legally married by whatever governing authority they live under. This is supported, it is thought, by Romans 13:1-7 and 1 Peter 2:17.
"Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God." - Romans 13:1
In other words, if the government requires formal paperwork to be licensed to marry, the couple should adhere to those requirements and follow through with whatever the government entity requires.
The challenge to this point of view is that marriage was recognized long before there were governments and requirements for a legal license to marry. Further, many governments have no such requirement. This would also, by definition, endorse and legitimize government statutes on marriage.
Some would say that the first time a couple has sexual intercourse is the time God recognizes them as married – and point to the “one flesh” concept outlined in multiple verses in Scripture (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:5; Mark 10:8; Ephesians 5:31). They also point to the story of Isaac and Rebekah in Genesis 24 – where the family considered them to be married after consummating their marriage sexually. In such stories, however, there is much more to prearranged marriages than sex – including verbal contracts, cultural procedures, and a dowry.
Further, this argument does not take into account the Old Testament - which makes a clear distinction between wives and a multitude of concubines, for example – or consider adulterous relationships, which certainly would not be considered marriage.
Many of us here in the US seem to want to apply our rules to things that we assume everyone ought to adhere to. Of course, we often write “exceptions” to those rules for those who cannot abide them. In other words, we provide our own accommodation. We more or less apply our legalism to what is not to be found in the Bible.
So What is Marriage?
Perhaps first, we should consider what God expects of a husband and wife. Certainly, the Bible does have a lot to say about that. Throughout the New Testament, we read lessons on the relationship between a husband and wife. None perhaps do so more poignant than as Paul writes to the Ephesians:
"Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." - Ephesians 5:21
Paul taught that wives should submit themselves to their husbands as to the Lord. (v. 22) And instructs husbands to love their wives, just as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her. (v. 25) He compared the relationship between husband and wife to that between Christ and the church. Paul laid great significance on marriage and the husband/wife relationship.
The author of the Book of Hebrews put it this way:
"Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral." -Hebrews 13:4
It's a statement worth repeating. “Marriage should be honored by all.”
There are a great many other verses that make clear the Biblical view on the importance of marriage and how a man and wife are to treat each other: Ephesians 5:22-27; Genesis 2:18; Colossians 3:18; 1Peter 3:7; 1 Corinthians 7:2-5) Isaiah says that “as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so shall your God rejoice over you.” (v 62:5)
And yet, the lesson in Genesis 2 starts us – and leaves us – with a lesson for all. “The Lord God said, it is not good for man to be alone. I will make a suitable helper for him.” (v. 2:18)
Adam, recognizing the importance of Eve – of his wife:
"This is now the bone of my bones and the flesh of my flesh." - Genesis 2:23
The Bible clearly and unquestionably intended marriage to be a commitment between a man and woman to live for each other. To respect and sacrifice – for each other. To submit to one another as we submit to our Lord.
Cultural, circumstantial, situational, or legal requirements should be recognized and adhered to. These are a public acknowledgment of a private commitment - a commitment to love each other as we love ourselves. The kind of love that is beyond emotion but is in our attitudes and actions. It is a commitment to stick by each other through thick and thin. Through good times and bad. Through all things. A lasting bond between husband and wife surpasses even that of the bond to our parents. When a man shall leave his father and mother, the two shall become one flesh.
These are the vows - the responsibility, the commitment, the pledge, the responsibility, and the obligation - of marriage, and are not to be taken lightly.
This – this is what constitutes marriage in the eyes of God.
Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Sam Edwards
Grandchamp is an author and speaker. His book, “In Pursuit of Truth, A Journey Begins,” is an easy-to-read narrative that offers answers to the most common questions new believers and non-believers have about Jesus Christ (Amazon.) Greg speaks on living out our faith in our daily lives – and on creating true disciples of Christ.
Greg doesn’t pretend to be a pastor, a theologian, or a Bible expert, but offers the perspective of an everyday guy on the same journey as everyone else – in pursuit of truth.
Greg can be reached by email or on Facebook @ Greg Grandchamp - Author.