"For he wounds, but he binds up; he shatters, but his hands heal." Job 5:18, ESV
Most days, when I think about my childhood I am consumed with anger. Why did God allow such pain to be a part of my upbringing?
I wonder if you can relate.
Did your parents neglect to properly protect and shield you from harm?
Maybe they abused drugs and alcohol, adding chaos to what could have been a happy, peaceful home.
Or perhaps you had caregivers that hurt you. Whether that was physical, verbal, or emotional neglect, the wounds followed you into your adult life.
Whatever happened to you to make you call your home broken, I just want you to know that my heart breaks with you and for you. Revisiting those times can feel so painful and disorienting. And the wounds, scars, and consequences are deep and far-reaching.
While the Lord allowed wounding to be an integral part of our story, at the same time, He provides healing for our souls (Job 5:18).
Here are three great starting places if you are looking to heal from your broken home:
1. Lament and Grieve
Denying and simply trying to forget the hard things that happened to you in the past does not make them disappear. God made our minds and bodies with an incredible design. We may think we are blocking out the bad memories, but our minds and bodies often remember even when we are unaware. This may look like becoming extremely emotional in a circumstance or moment that does not warrant that kind of response. Or it may look like panic attacks, outbursts, or depression. Some people even experience physical illnesses and autoimmune diseases as a byproduct of repressing unresolved feelings and memories over extended periods of time. But like Job, we have to get honest with God about the pain we are experiencing. Try reading and praying the Psalms as a starting place if you struggle to find words for your specific situation.
2. Embrace the Process
Healing, grieving, and forgiving are all processes that cannot be forced. Like physical wounds, certain things like changing the bandages often, cleaning the wound, and protecting it from infection all increase the likelihood of healing. But it still takes time for the body to remake the cells and close the wound. Our emotional and spiritual healing processes take time, too. All healing has a timeline, and it's usually slower than we expect. The process is less linear and more cyclical. New things come up as seasons change that we must revisit, grieve, lament, and possibly forgive again and again with the help of the Lord. We never stop needing God; it is in our struggle that we realize our weakness and inability to fix things on our own. Keep moving towards healing, knowing that God promises to finish the work that He starts in us (Philippians 1:6).
3. Learn from Others
God never wastes what happens to us. Quite the opposite, He uses the tragedies of our lives to bond us with other believers. Sometimes, this may look like confessing to one another the sins we committed or the sins committed against us so that they can pray for us and we can heal (James 5:16). Other times, God may allow you to witness the pain of others and empathize and resonate with the similarities in their story so that they can feel seen, known, and loved by God through you. Learning from others may also look like finding mentors, tools, and wisdom from books, podcasts, sermons, counseling, etc. If Jesus can use spit and mud to heal a blind man, He will also use resources in your life as the raw materials for your healing (John 9:6).
In our humanity, it can feel impossible to reconcile why God allowed some of the hardships in our lives to occur. However, we can be certain that healing is possible. We can start healing from a broken home by lamenting and grieving, embracing the process, and learning from the healing journeys of others.
Let’s pray:
Jesus,
Please help us not to stay stuck in the shattered places of our lives before we experience the ways your hands bind and heal. Jesus, I pray that the person reading this from a broken home would believe that healing is possible for them. Lord, help us courageously start the healing process and trust that you will complete it. Help us to be patient and open to the unique ways you heal. In Jesus’ name, amen.
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Valentina Shilkina
Ashley Moore is a writer and host of be the two™podcast. She is known for her relatability and for passionately writing and speaking about mental, emotional, and relational health from a biblical worldview. She has written for Kingdom Edge Magazine, Guideposts, Crosswalk, The Secret Place, enLIVEn, The Bubbling Brook and more. If Ashley isn't writing, you can find her with her husband, three children, and two floppy-eared Goldens on their south Georgia farmland. The best way to connect with Ashley is to grab a free devotional or Bible study and join her newsletter at free.ashleynicolemoore.com.
Related Resource: Jesus Calling - Stories of Faith
Kerry Washington, Andrea Bocelli, Reba McEntire, Mark Wahlberg, Tony Dungy, and Matthew McConaughey—what do all of these people have in common? They are all people of faith who have leaned on God in both the good and challenging times—and they’ve shown up to tell their stories of faith on The Jesus Calling Podcast. The Jesus Calling Podcast provides a place for people from all walks of life to share the heartaches, joys, and divine moments that keep them going.
Inspired by Sarah Young's classic devotional book, the Jesus Calling podcast has brought encouragement and peace to millions. New episodes drop every Thursday! Listen today on LifeAudio.com or wherever you find your podcasts.
