“The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” Genesis 2:18
Had you asked me five years ago if I’d be in a place to write about the topic of being the "helpmate" in marriage, I would’ve had to pass. To be fully transparent, marriage was hard, and most days it felt like a burden rather than a blessing. Yet, by God’s grace and mercy over our relationship, He has brought our marriage through a storm with a story to share.
I sadly walked into marriage cynically. I thought more about how “hard” it would be rather than anticipating all God had in store for my husband and me. I believe much of this was caused by my lack of understanding surrounding what a gift it is to be called the “helpmate”. As I've journeyed through this and sought the Word, I kept coming back to these two questions: How did “helpmate” get such a bad reputation? Who decided that being the helper, the safe place, and the keeper of her husband's heart was such a restrictive role?
These questions both get the same answer—the enemy.
The enemy came in and thought he could have his way within God’s perfect design for marriage. I know that’s what satan believed was going to happen within the confines of my marriage, but God’s ways are higher and He got the victory.
When we go to Scripture, which is where we should always begin, we see in Genesis the exact moment God desired to give Adam a helper. It’s a beautiful picture as we watch the role of a woman and her womanhood unfold. We were named the helper. Not just any helper, but a suitable helper for our spouse. Lean in and listen to this, especially if you are dealing with feelings of frustration in your marriage:
God made you with your husband in mind. How special is that? Two people, purposed for the Kingdom, to live life together before we took our first breaths. This shifted the way I was able to look at my role as a wife and eliminated the lies the enemy and culture have tried to tell me.
Genesis 2:20-25 says, "But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame."
The idea that Christian marriage is a place for women to thrive is contrary to popular opinion. Submission and being a helper have been exploited beyond belief by culture. Truth be told, both of these roles were hard for me, too. So hard. By nature, I find myself more of a “do-it-myself” kind of gal. Yet, I saw firsthand the pain this brought to my relationship with my husband. He often felt I bypassed his opinions, threw a fit till I got my way, and ultimately, I wasn’t living committed to the vows I’d promised him. By God’s grace, as the Lord has sifted this area of sin in my life, I’ve seen my need for Jesus and my love for my husband abound because of the design God gave us through Christian marriage.
Submission to my husband means I get to live submitted to God’s design, and submission to God’s design is a beautiful thing. Being my husband's helper is a badge I now wear with honor and intention. Knowing I’m a safe place for him to land and the keeper of his heart gives me a deep sense of peace and security. It reveals just how special I am as a wife and that my role is not lesser-than but of great, great value.
Remember: be your husband's helper, his safe place, and the keeper of his heart. God made you for him and him for you. “The Lord God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.'” Genesis 2:18
Let's pray...
Lord, thank you for the gift of marriage. I pray as I walk through this life as a "helpmate" that I would do so with honor and intention. I pray for a hedge of protection over my marriage and that my husband would trust that I am his safe place and the keeper of his heart. In Jesus's name, amen.
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Chelsey is the voice behind the Living with Less Podcast and author of the 52-week devotional More of Him, Less of Me: Living a Christ-centered Life in a Me-centered World. She writes devotions for Lifeway Women's Journey Magazine, Crosswalk.com, and iBelieve.com. She also writes Bible reading plans for the YouVersion Bible App. Chelsey lives in Ohio with her husband and two children. You can connect with her on Instagram @chelseydematteis and at her website ChelseyDeMatteis.com.
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