Being married or being in a relationship takes a lot of work. We all live in a busy, “me-focused” world, and it can be very easy to get disconnected from our partners. Life takes over, and with most people going in opposite directions anyway, with work and hauling the kids around, it’s almost like they live separate lives. If this sounds like you, don’t despair; it happens to the best of us. The good news is we can always reconnect with our partner, bring that spark back, and reignite our commitment to each other. Here are some ideas to help get you and your partner back on track.
1. Open Communication
Always keep your communication honest and open. If something is bothering you, let your partner know, and don’t keep it bottled up. If you are happy about something they did for you, let them know that, too. Keeping communication open will keep resentment and frustration at bay.
2. Quality Time Together
Spend quality time together. No, I don’t mean talking to each other only while you are rushing around to get ready for your day in the morning. Set a specific day to spend quality time together all day. By quality time, I mean taking the time to sit quietly or do a favorite activity while being only focused on each other. No distractions, which means phones, tablets, televisions, and gaming consoles turned off. Send your kids to grandma’s for the day. Whatever it takes.
3. Appreciation and Gratitude
Show your spouse appreciation and gratitude. Thank them for working so hard at their job. Thank them for the great job they do with the kids. Show them your appreciation by cooking their favorite meal, buying something small they have been wanting, or bringing home a favorite dessert.
4. Revisiting Your Relationship Roots
If you can, take some time and go back to where it all started. Go to the place where you first saw your spouse, where you got engaged, or even where you got married and reminisce. Talk about the past times and remember all the glorious memories before life got crazy with kids and all of life’s other priorities. Remember when it was just the two of you?
5. Try New Things Together
Do something new together. This can be taking a cooking class, going whitewater rafting, or going somewhere you have never been before. This helps you make fresh memories together and strengthens your bond.
6. Make Time for Physical Intimacy
Make time to have physical intimacy with your partner.
7. Seek Professional Help
There is no shame in going to couples therapy if you think it would help. Sometimes, we need someone else to hear about our issues who isn’t a friend or family member. Someone who can look at it from an objective, professional standpoint. On the flip side, going to therapy doesn’t always mean there is something wrong either. Sometimes, people need to go to learn how to connect more fully with each other.
8. Express Your Needs to Each Other
Always express your needs to each other. No one is a mind reader. If you need help, let your partner know. Need more attention or affection? Let them know. This will help keep everyone on the same page.
9. Forgive
We all make mistakes and some are bigger than others. If your partner does something wrong, talk it over and forgive them. Jesus forgave our sins, so we should do our best to forgive others, even when it’s hard.
10. Set Realistic Expectations
Always be realistic with your expectations and let your spouse know what they are. If something seems too difficult, discuss it and find a solution so everyone is on the same page.
11. Be Empathetic
If your partner is having an exceptionally hard time, put yourself in their shoes and show some empathy.
12. Grow Individually and Together
Growth is part of every relationship; growing individually and together is important. You can grow individually by reading a book about a certain topic or listening to a podcast. You can grow together by navigating life and learning how to handle unique experiences. Regardless, you need to be committed to each other on the journey.
13. Renew Your Vows
Plan a celebration and renew your vows. If you weren’t able to have a big wedding the first time around, plan as lavish a one as you can afford. If you had a lavish wedding and would like to do something more intimate and low-key, that’s fine, too.
14. Create a Shared Vision
Sit down with your partner and spend some time envisioning your life and what you want to accomplish. Then, figure out the steps you will need to take to make that happen. This will help you reconnect and have a shared vision of the life you want for your future. For example, if you want to have a certain amount of money by retirement age, figure out what you need to do to get there.
15. Practice Patience
Always be patient with your partner about things. We all do things at our own pace, so practicing patience is important.
16. Learn From the Past
Returning to the subject of mistakes, we must learn from our past mistakes so we don’t make the same ones in the future. Sit down with your spouse and talk about your biggest past mistakes and what you learned from them.
17. Celebrate Small Wins
Life is full of trials. I believe it’s important to celebrate it all, the big and the small. If your spouse gets a small raise, celebrate. Did she get a big promotion? Celebrate. Has your spouse started a business and sold their first book, t-shirt, piece of jewelry, etc? Celebrate.
18. Reconnect Emotionally
Take the time to connect emotionally with your partner. Sit down and have a heart-to-heart about your life and everything going on in it. You will learn a lot about what each of you is thinking and feeling.
19. Seek Good Role Models
Being married is hard. Take some time to find some excellent role models in your church or even among your friends. Those who have been married longer than you can be great resources of advice and support.
20. Focus on Your Partner
Spend some time with your partner and focus on them. Get rid of all distractions and give them your undivided attention. You did this for each other when you were dating. There is no reason you shouldn’t be doing it while you are married.
21. Read Some Christian Self-Help Books Together
Choose a Christian self-help book and read it together, answering questions and reflections at the end of each chapter. This is a great way to gain insight and learn about each other.
22. Study the Bible Together
Go to the Lord in prayer and ask him to lead you in studying the Bible together as a couple.
23. Read a Devotional Together
Sometimes, the Bible can be overwhelming, especially for new Christians. Often, we ask, where do we start? To make things easier, go to the Christian bookstore or browse online, choose a devotional that appeals to both of you, and order copies. This will help you have a plan each day to get into God’s Word and spend time together.
Although we may go through seasons when we feel disconnected from our spouses and partners, we can always get back on track. Go through the suggestions above and see what resonates with you and your partner, and start building your relationship to what it used to be, step by step.
Related Resource: 10 Warning Signs of a Cheating Spouse + 12 Digital Signs to Be Aware Of
A staggering 40% of marriages will experience Infidelity at some point, Inevitably, infidelity leaves clues. In this episode of the Rebuilding Us Podcast, Dana Che shares 10 warning signs plus 12 bonus digital red flags to be aware of that a spouse might be having an affair in person or online. It’s a hard topic to discuss, but I want you to be aware of these potential adultery indicators that may need to be addressed sooner than later. The purpose of this podcast is not to make you paranoid or suspicious of your spouse but to shed light on any deception in your marriage you may be unaware of. Remember, you can’t fix what you don’t face.