Thou Shalt Not Gossip
By Michelle Lazurek
“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” - Ephesians 4:29
“Pray for my friend. She's going through some marriage problems.”
I heard this one Sunday morning. When I asked the fellow church member how things were going, she responded with these words. I've attended many church meetings and other events where gossip is wrapped up as a prayer request. It sounds well meaning, but in the end really doesn't do anyone any good. We've all been victimized by someone else's gossip. Whether we actually hear what is being said about us, eventually that gossip (or the overarching sentiment) finds its way back to us. Furthermore, people draw erroneous conclusions based on what they hear, further damaging other people’s reputations, as well as relationships with God and us. It is never good to know that someone who we trust is talking about us behind our back.
In Ephesians 4:29, Paul is clear, we should say things that build each other up, not tear one another down. Paul knew there were women gossiping about each other in the Ephesian church, and it was becoming a problem. He gave them this challenge to allow both women and men to use their words for good, not evil. This challenge goes for Christians today as well as back then. The Christian Church is known more for what it's against than what it's for. Churches get wrapped up and become too busy gossiping and talking about others than it is about preaching the gospel and doing the work of the Kingdom. If someone is gossiping about someone else to you, change the subject. Whether you were the one telling the gossip or the one receiving the gossip, it's still a sin. Instead, ask the person to describe the ways in which God is working in their lives. If they can't figure that out, or haven't seen God at work in a long time, challenge them as to why. More than likely, people like to use gossip to make themselves feel better about themselves while tearing other people down. But this is not the way Jesus intended.
Recently, I attended an event at a large church that discussed their core values. Their first core value is regarding unity and love. Each person who attends the church must sign a statement saying that they will not talk about other people or tear down the church in front of others. This is a part of their church culture, (or their DNA) and it shows. When we walk into church, people we should be happy to be there. They have great joy when they come to church. They worship together in unity and love each other. They celebrate each other's triumphs and pray for each other in their sorrow. That is what the church should be. This does not mean we can't share our struggles, particularly with the church and with other people. It simply means we need to do so in a way that promotes reconciliation and trust, rather than disunity and derision.
God honors churches that honor each other in this way. In the Ephesian church, people were talking poorly about others. Paul warned them by asking them to say only what would build each other up or that would be beneficial to the receiver. Not only is the gossip harming another's reputation, but the receiver is exploiting someone else's pain for their own agenda. When we hear gossip, it makes us feel better about ourselves in the short- term. However, there is no long-term fix. The only thing they can fix our issues is Jesus. When we are living out the fruit of the spirit, there's no time for gossip. Instead, we stand with our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, knowing that beneficial words are necessary for the church to thrive.
Father, let us be a place of unity and love rather than division and gossip. Let us not use our words to exploit other people's pain for our own agenda. Help us to build one another up so that everyone who listens may be better benefited. Amen.
Intersecting Faith & Life:
Have you ever gossiped about someone under the guise of a prayer request? How did it make you feel to tell someone else? How did the receiver respond? Gossip divides; encouragement unifies. Do you need to ask forgiveness from someone about whom you have gossiped?
Further Reading:
2 Corinthians 12:20
Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/MangoStar_Studio
Michelle S. Lazurek is a multi-genre award-winning author, speaker, pastor's wife, and mother. She is a literary agent for Wordwise Media Services and a certified writing coach. Her new children’s book Hall of Faith encourages kids to understand God can be trusted. When not working, she enjoys sipping a Starbucks latte, collecting 80s memorabilia, and spending time with her family and her crazy dog. For more info, please visit her website www.michellelazurek.
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