Just the other day, my sister-in-law texted me in a moment of raw frustration. She had spent the whole frantic morning preparing for her girls to sell at a local maker’s market. After driving halfway around the city and finally making it late to set up, she realized that her teenage girls had not remembered to load the one thing very necessary to set up a booth: tables. She was 45 minutes from home so she sped over to Wal-Mart and dropped an extra $100 so her beloved girls could go on with the planned day of selling their artwork.
Her text of lament was she feels like she does so much yet often feels unseen and, even worse, unheard. She didn’t mind all the driving, prepping, and cheerleading. What was hard for her as she roamed Wal-Mart was the lack of appreciation and follow-through in the situation.
I know that feeling oh-so-well.
Most days, it’s not things as dramatic as $100 tables but it’s more like me asking my kids to bring a toy up to their room and then find my instructions ignored and my kids out of sight. It could be my older son declaring how weird it was that his dirty clothes had not yet made it back to his room clean, even though he hadn’t brought his laundry basket down to be dealt with in quite some time. Who does he think cleans those clothes? Elves? Other times, it’s toddlers that just won’t stop crying, and you’ve done literally everything you can think of to try to pacify them. Don’t they know you're a person too? There is only so much whining, crying, and tantruming you can handle in a day!
1. Mom, You Are God’s Grace Embodied
The bottom line is that being a mom on a day-to-day basis is a lot of work and doesn’t come with a lot of appreciation. There are those breakthrough moments when your family sees you, and your heart swells because they make you so proud, and you feel so loved! But overall, this thing is a marathon, and we observe a whole lot more failure than we do anything else. Being the unrelentingly constant force of support in our homes through endless failures is exactly what makes us so vital. Our kids and oftentimes our spouses need us to speed to Wal-Mart when we’ve messed up because that’s what grace does. Grace is a force that gives us exactly what we don’t deserve. All that giving, mom’s, is God’s grace embodied.
2. Mom, You Are Their Encourager
Encouragement is most vital when we fail. Encouragement doesn’t say that no harm was done; it’s a reminder that failure is our best teacher. Mom, you offer that listening ear at every age and every stage. I keenly recall listening to my oldest explain to me the abilities of every Rescue Bot. I didn’t love learning about Rescue Bots, but I nodded my head and affirmed his interest because it mattered to him.
As my kids grow older, all that listening has built trust so now when they have real anxiety about big things such as how to handle new pressure at school, illness, crushes, and more they don’t hesitate to come to me. Your undying commitment to being present in all things makes you their safest place to be.
3. Mom, You Are the Best Example
We so often if we give enough, do enough, work enough, clean enough, are home enough, correct enough, give grace enough… We want to be enough for our kids. The truth is we aren’t. I know that stings. We will never be everything for them, but one thing we offer our kids is that we are the best example. Our kids are hard-wired to observe us, copy us, and learn from us.
Before you start panicking, that means we show them how to do things well and we also show them how to fail. They learn by seeing us serve graciously and they also learn from us when we have to come back with a big “I’m sorry.” Our example is vital to show them both how to do life well and also how to recover well. Showing our kids through our actions what it means to live with humility, forgiveness, and grace matters more than almost anything else we do in our lives.
4. Mom, You Are Their Safe Place
I know I battle feeling as though my failures outweigh my strengths as a parent. We see things we could have done better, anger that we should have kept in, directions that we wish were better received, and lessons that we could have given. All those things matter, but I am reminded that even though I am imperfect, my kids still run to me as their safe place. That may be the most vital role you fulfill for your kids. Even as an adult, what could be more comforting than time spent with my mom?
Our presence matters. They want us, with the warts and all. They don’t care about stinky breath or bedhead; they quickly look past our failures because all they want more than anything is just to be with us. You are the gift. Time spent with you trumps all else. Don’t let discouragement distract you from the value of your consistent presence in your kids' lives.
When I first started homeschooling, I made the foolish statement that if I couldn’t prevent myself from losing my temper with my kids while teaching them, we’d stop. No human can commit to being in the same space, guiding and teaching others, sustaining them, and juggling the rest of life’s demands without losing their cool from time to time. If I had stopped the first time I got upset because my child didn’t complete their lesson properly, we would have missed out on thousands of other precious shared moments that we’ve had together over the past seven years as a homeschooling family.
Now, as an adoptive mom, I battle the same logic: if I can’t parent these kids perfectly, they deserve a different mom, a magical one better suited to meet their needs. This is a lie that stops me from showing up fully every day for all my kids. They just need me; God has placed me in their lives to love them and learn alongside them as their mom. My presence matters most to them, not my ability to be perfect for my kids.
As we get ready to celebrate you, mom, just remember as unseen as you may feel in the day-to-day, you matter. There is no place like mom. You are a person but also a destination, feeling, example, and so much more for your kids.
Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/Drazen Zigic
Amanda Idleman is a writer whose passion is to encourage others to live joyfully. She writes devotions for My Daily Bible Verse Devotional and Podcast, Crosswalk Couples Devotional, the Daily Devotional App, she has work published with Her View from Home, on the MOPS Blog, and is a regular contributor for Crosswalk.com. She has most recently published a devotional, Comfort: A 30 Day Devotional Exploring God's Heart of Love for Mommas. You can find out more about Amanda on her Facebook Page or follow her on Instagram.