Dealing with Grief? Here's How to Cope and Hope
By Jennifer Slattery
Then I said: “Lord, the God of heaven, the great and awesome God, who keeps his covenant of love with those who love him and keep his commandments …” – Nehemiah 2:5, NIV
When life hurts, it’s easy to feel forgotten or abandoned by God. The greater our affliction, the longer it lasts, and the more problems that bear down upon us, the harder it is to maintain hope. Without hope, we quickly spiral into despair.
But numbing our grief or suppressing it with a forced ‘hallelujah’ leads us to become increasingly disconnected from joy as well. Scripture reveals a healthier way to deal with pain, and that’s bringing it to our tender and attentive God.
This was how Nehemiah responded. Scripture tells us, during the Babylonian exile, while he was serving as cupbearer to the king, Nehemiah learned that his people were in distress and their beloved homeland in shambles. His response? He sat down, wept, mourned for days, and fasted.
He sat with his grief. He expressed his grief. And he didn’t rush through it. He wasn’t like, “Okay, I’ve shed my tears. Now I need to get myself together and take care of my responsibilities.”
But neither did he allow the devastating circumstances to steal his hope. Instead, he turned to God in prayer, proclaiming—and thus, reminding himself—of who God was.
He said, “Lord, the God of heaven.”
According to some scholars, this name for God—the God of heaven—emphasized the fact that He wasn’t bound to one nation or location. The Lord who is close enough to remain present with the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18) is big enough to reach throughout the universe. He is above all and sees all.
Throughout Scripture, we read numerous names for God, and each one reveals an aspect of His unchanging character. When we feel overwhelmed and overpowered, we can strengthen our faith by declaring the Names of God that reveal His character traits we feel we most need in that situation. Doing so reminds us that God is big enough and faithful enough to handle whatever weighs heavy on our soul.
After declaring the awesomeness of God, Nehemiah repeated a truth he’d likely read numerous times throughout his life. “The great and awesome God, who keeps His covenant of love with those who love Him and keep His commandments.”
This resembles how God revealed Himself to Moses in Exodus 34. In the chapter prior, we learn that the people of Israel had rebelled against God and turned to idols. Because of this, the Lord assured Moses that He’d remain faithful to His promises. He’d give the Israelites the agriculturally rich land on the other side of the Jordan and would drive out the wicked people groups living there. Only, He’d do this through an angel. God Himself wouldn’t go with them.
Acutely aware of his need for God in this moment, Moses was like, “Then I’m not going. I won’t budge an inch unless You, Lord, are with me.” God responded, “My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest” (Exodus 33:14, NIV).
Wanting to know God more, and perhaps recognizing that the rest He promised would only come through relational intimacy, Moses said, “Show me your glory” (Exodus 33:18, NIV). From the original Hebrew, one could phrase this as, “Show me the essence of who You are. Your full weight and substance.”
In granting Moses’ request, this was how God revealed Himself: “The Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger and abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness and sin …” (Exodus 34:6-7a, NIV)
The ESV phrases it this way: “The LORD, the LORD, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness.”
The New American Standard Bible states, “The LORD, the LORD God, compassionate and merciful, slow to anger, and abounding in faithfulness and truth.”
Abounding in faithfulness and truth, in steadfast love, in love and faithfulness. With each of these phrases, Bible translators attempted to describe the Hebrew word hesed, for which we don’t have a sufficient English equivalent. Hesed refers to God’s merciful, compassionate, steadfast, covenantal, faithful love. A love that always reaches toward us, showers us with grace, and brings beauty from our biggest regrets, problems and mistakes.
Intersecting Faith & Life:
When you feel nearly buried by affliction and grief, tempted to numb your emotions through unhealthy coping behaviors, or to slip toward despair, turn instead to your loving and attentive God. Express your pain to Him, give yourself space to weep, and remind yourself of who He is. Verbally proclaim Him as the God of heaven, full of mercy and grace, abounding in hesed—in indescribable, never-ending, never-failing love.
Photo Credit: Kelly Sikhema
Jennifer Slattery is a writer and speaker who co-hosts the Faith Over Fear podcast and, along with a team of 6, the Your Daily Bible Verse podcast. She’s addressed women’s groups, Bible studies, and taught at writers conferences across the nation. She’s the author of Building a Family and numerous other titles and maintains a devotional blog at JenniferSlatteryLivesOutLou
She’s passionate about helping people experience Christ’s freedom in all areas of their lives. Visit her online to learn more about her speaking or to book her for your next women’s event, and sign up for her free quarterly newsletter HERE and make sure to connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, and GodTube.
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