Former Hillsong New York City pastor Carl Lentz recently opened up about his infidelity and recovery on a recent podcast episode with his sex addiction therapist Alex Katehakis. Lentz and his wife, Laura, co-hosted their “Lights On” podcast and invited Katehakis to appear on the episode “Meet My Therapist.”
“We’ve done a lot of hard, soul-searching work,” he told Katehakis. “It has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”
Lentz was terminated from Hillsong NYC in November 2020 after he admitted he was in an extramarital affair.
During the podcast, Lentz revealed that he was sexually abused as a child and told Katehakis that Christian men “don’t get a lot of sex education” and often attempt to act out what they see in pornography.
Per Church Leaders they also discussed the cycle of sex addiction, shame, and despair—as well as how to raise children with a healthy view of sexuality.
Regarding keeping secrets, including infidelity, Lentz said, “It’s not a matter of if you’re gonna get caught but when.” He added that it was a “Catch-22” for pastors because they would lose their jobs if they opened up about their struggles or sought help.
The former pastor also stressed the importance of the church talking about sex within marriage.
“The church is great at getting people not to have sex until they’re married, and then they leave them there,” he said. “And we don’t talk about how to have sex after you’re married. So you have a Christian community filled with a lot of couples having terrible sex for a very long time because nobody really speaks into it.”
Laura Lentz talked with Kathekis about recovering from infidelity after she discovered that her husband had an affair with the family’s nanny.
The therapist said women typically “look the other way for the good of the whole…family, and we can gaslight ourselves.”
When Laura Lentz asked whether trust can be rebuilt between two spouses following an affair, Katehakis said trust is an “ongoing negotiation” and an “important ongoing conversation.”
Additional topics discussed on the podcast included dealing with triggers, taking responsibility for one’s own healing, and fighting to save one’s marriage.
The podcast episode closed with a discussion on narcissistic tendencies among people in leadership roles.
“People foment that they want you to be bigger than life,” Katehakis said, “and it’s hard not to take that energy on and start to forget actually who you really are that you know that you’re a mere mortal.”
WATCH: Meet My Therapist | Carl & Laura Lentz Tell All
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Milton Quintanilla is a freelance writer and content creator. He is a contributing writer for CrosswalkHeadlines and the host of the For Your Soul Podcast, a podcast devoted to sound doctrine and biblical truth. He holds a Masters of Divinity from Alliance Theological Seminary.