Raising happy kids in this day and age can feel more like swimming against the tide—it’s no small feat, especially if you’re a solo parent. Nonetheless, with God’s help and by following the practical tips mentioned in this article, we can alleviate the struggles solo parents face each day.
There are varied reasons why many inadvertently found themselves parenting on their own: untimely death, work obligations of your partner, or divorce, just to name a few.
As a result of the challenges it poses, many solo parents are almost always physically and emotionally depleted. Trying to balance their time between family and career without support can be debilitating.
As a child, my father was often away for work. Thus, my mom was left at home raising five children with small age gaps. I could say that mom’s stress and unhappiness hurt me and my siblings. A parent’s negative emotions can easily rub off on their children.
But there is hope. Solo parenting doesn’t have to affect a child’s well-being, nor should it drain the life out of a parent’s existence. Sure, it’s hard, extremely hard at times. But there are ways to soothe the sting and the discomfort it sets off.
Knowing that children often bear the brunt of the emotional turmoil solo parents grapple with, finding ways to maintain a happy home life for the kids is crucial.
Here are six practical steps to raise a happy child as a solo parent:
1. Parents, Strive to Enjoy Life
Happy parents equal happy children.
This can be quite challenging for those of us with a strong predisposition to sadness and negative emotions. Diverging our attention from unpleasant emotions is not ideal unless we have fully acknowledged our inner struggles. Seeking God’s help through ardent prayers and sharing our struggles with therapists or loved ones who genuinely care about us can be a big boost to our fledgling morale.
Nonetheless, focusing only on things that trigger our anxiety can wreak havoc on our health, thus diverting our attention to things that make us feel light-hearted and joyful must also be prioritized.
Moreover, being mindful of what we eat is important as well. Back in the day, I had frequent and persistent bouts of sadness and melancholy, often feeling down in the dumps. Cutting down on sugar has not only improved my moods—it has also done wonders in boosting my energy levels.
Eating fatty fish has also helped, along with foods rich in magnesium, B vitamins, vitamin B12, vitamin C, and zinc. You may also want to ensure your gut is in tip-top shape. Here are links to helpful resources about brain-gut connection, as well as the foods you should be eating to improve gut health.
Aside from having a good diet, we may also list the things that bring us utmost delight and joy. For busy moms, your schedule can be quite hectic, but try to squeeze out as much happiness as possible from your day-to-day activities.
Note: I still have bouts of sadness and melancholy now and then, but it’s not as frequent as it was before. The tips mentioned above may not resolve all our health issues but they can help tremendously in alleviating unsavory symptoms.
Here are some activities you may want to engage in:
-Read God’s Word. Nothing can soothe a weary mind like the comforting words of God.
-Dance with your kids as if no one is watching. You can be silly all you want.
-Try a daily walk in nature. Doing so can reduce stress, soothe our anxieties, and improve our cognitive ability (especially for sleep-deprived moms).
-Do a sunbath every day if possible. Research has shown that vitamin D plays a key role in regulating mood and reducing depression.
-Start a gratitude journal. Gratitude journaling can help reduce stress, help you sleep better at night, and ease your worries, according to a study.
-Try an anxiety-relief coloring book.
-Engage in physical exercise.
-Watch your favorite comedy shows. As a child, seeing my mom laugh so hard while watching comedy movies brought me so much joy.
-Tend the garden even for a few minutes; it can have a therapeutic effect.
-Treat yourself to something that will bring you joy at the end of each day. It can be as simple as taking a long bath once the kids are in bed, reading a favorite book, creating art, or star gazing when you can’t sleep.
If you’re too busy or too tired to go to the gym or engage in strenuous exercise, here’s a simple but highly beneficial form of exercise discovered by Japanese researchers—it’s a discovery you don’t want to miss out on.
2. Acknowledge Your Efforts
We must be reminded that we’re flawed human beings. Striving for perfection can lead us down the path of self-destruction. Failing to measure up to our standards could only subject us to an overwhelming sense of guilt, leading some to debilitating depression and self-harm.
Instead of focusing on our failures, let’s acknowledge our efforts and focus on our wins.
God does not expect you to be a perfect parent, and you shouldn't either. Remember God’s power is made perfect in our weakness: “But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me” (2 Corinthians 12:9 NIV).
The thing is, children don’t need perfect parents. They just need real parents who strive to do well despite being riddled with flaws.
3. Remember, Optimism Is Contagious
When kids feel bogged down by their ineptness in accomplishing tasks, or if they mess up over things they are expected to thrive in, acknowledging what they think and feel is the key. Praising them for their efforts instead of highlighting the need to succeed at all times can help build their emotional resilience.
Help them master self-discipline. By setting healthy boundaries, children will learn to have a sense of self-control. According to research, there’s a correlation between self-discipline and happiness.
(Here’s a helpful article to help raise self-disciplined children without undermining their confidence and emotional well-being.)
4. Set Expectations
Providing children with clear explanations of expected behavior and the possible outcomes of not adhering to your instructions significantly boosts their capacity to meet those expectations.
For example: If he would play games with his peers, offer guidance on the do’s and don’ts of the game. Providing such information in advance will enable him to follow the game’s regulations.
5. Encourage Children to Express Their Emotions
Rather than resorting to tantrums or other acting-out behaviors, children should be taught how to use words to express their annoyance or frustration.
This can be accomplished by explaining to them that unpleasant emotions are normal and that they can relieve their discomfort and frustrations by sharing those feelings freely with you.
And regardless of whether or not we sympathize with their feelings or concerns, we must acknowledge them.
For example, if our child is having trouble with schoolwork, we can validate his feelings by saying, “I understand how you feel about it. Back when I was your age, I had to do a similar task and didn’t like it at all, but I managed to accomplish it by doing something that made it easier for me.” Then, take a few moments to show them how you completed the task as a child.
6. Teach Them to Form Strong Relationships
Simply put, teaching children how to treat others with kindness and respect will help them build stronger relationships as they grow up. And, as we all know, people with stable relationships generally experience greater satisfaction in life.
And whenever we feel anxious, wondering if we can raise well-rounded, emotionally resilient children as a solo parent, remember what God said in Isaiah 54:13 NKJV: “All your children shall be taught by the Lord, And great shall be the peace of your children.”
Just let God be your partner in raising your child and everything will turn out as He promised. So, dear parent, rest in the Lord. He has your back!
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