Marriage was made by God, but it is the sacred union of two imperfect people. The covenant promise we make on our wedding days is a forever promise to do all we can to love and serve each other well. Every marriage has its trials, but sometimes trials turn into something more ugly and even abusive.
God did not create marriage as an institution designed to trap you in an unhealthy and unsafe relationship. While we know divorce is always something we grieve, there are times when divorce is the step God is calling you to. Trust him to help you break free from a toxic situation.
It’s far too common for abusers to be unintentionally enabled, because there is not a robust understanding of God’s desire for his people to be in safe and healthy relationships. Many manipulate the scriptures that encourage us to be faithful to our vows as a way to shame us into staying in a bad marriage. Marriage was made to be a good gift to us and is not intended to be the chains that hold us trapped in a lifetime of traumatic interactions.
Oftentimes, the most gracious and loving thing you can do for your abuser is to break free from them. It is healthy for them to be confronted by their need for healing, and they are also released from the opportunity to harm their partner. The best hope is that bringing freedom, truth, and accountability into your relationship will one day lead to a brighter future for both those who have endured abuse as well as for the abuser. We all need grace and a chance to find our own healing.
When we find ourselves in a place we never imagined we would be, it's important to trust God with our spouse’s heart. God is good and big enough to take care of them. We are not enough to heal, cure, or change our partner when abuse is a part of their behavior patterns. Be brave and bring the darkness you have been facing into the light.
What Does the Bible Say about Abuse?
Proverbs 22:10 says, “Drive out a scoffer, and strife will go out, and quarreling and abuse will cease.” Proverbs is a book full of God-inspired wisdom which makes clear that when we are stuck in a situation of abuse, we need to break free from that person. When we “drive them out,” then the abuse will cease. The reality is that when certain lines have been crossed it becomes very important to place strong boundaries in that relationship in order to stay safe. We can love someone, forgive them, and also make sure we aren’t allowing them to harm us anymore.
2 Corinthians 6:14 states, “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?” Paul was giving advice to the early church and telling them that if they were in a relationship with someone whose heart was dark, they were free to separate from that person.
Our walk with God is more important than remaining chained to an individual who is far from him and causing us harm. 1 Corinthians 7:15 adds, “But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.” Your peace matters to God. If you find yourself in a relationship where your partner has moved away from God and is causing you harm, the Bible says it’s best to separate.
Psalm 11:5 says, “The Lord tests the righteous, but his soul hates the wicked and the one who loves violence.” God hates wicked acts of violence. They are not a part of his good plan for us. Hate is a very strong word and that's the word he uses when it comes to violence. Under no circumstance does God desire us to stay in a violent relationship.
Galatians 5:19-20 explains, “Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.” All of these behaviors go outside of what is best for our bodies and our relationships. If we are in a situation where our partner is engaging in these practices or pushing us into these kinds of activities, we need to reach out for help. God tells us these things are not of the kingdom of God and do not belong in our homes or marriages.
God Calls Us to Find Freedom
Psalm 9:9 proclaims, “The Lord is a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.” God is there as our strong tower when we need help. He shows up in our time of need and is there to open the doors to bring us to freedom. Sometimes the road is long, hard, and ugly, but we have to keep moving towards his way.
Galatians 5:1 says, “For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.” God has set us free when we accept him as our Lord. Do not put yourself in a situation in which you give yourself back over to being enslaved by evil. He desires for you to experience his goodness, grace, and love in the land of the living.
A Prayer for Freedom from Abuse
God,
We see clearly that you hate when violence is happening between people. You hate when evil enters our homes and one person begins to control and dominate another due to their own brokenness. We ask that by your power you would break the chains of abuse in this relationship. Show everyone involved a path to freedom. Bring healing rather than brokenness, light instead of hiding in the dark. Help everyone involved to be brave, walking by your strength. Bring wisdom, resilience, support, and clarity to this relationship. Set them free from the chains of violence and unsafe interactions.
Amen.
Reach Out for Help
If you or someone you know is stuck in an abusive relationship, reach out to get support. Talk to the people who love you and who you can trust, and make a plan that will lead to your freedom. You can also contact the Domestic Violence Support Hotline for immediate help.
Related article: 5 Clear Reasons Pastors Must Preach on Domestic Violence
Photo credit: ©Getty Images/Malte Mueller
Amanda Idleman is a writer whose passion is to encourage others to live joyfully. She writes devotions for My Daily Bible Verse Devotional and Podcast, Crosswalk Couples Devotional, the Daily Devotional App, she has work published with Her View from Home, on the MOPS Blog, and is a regular contributor for Crosswalk.com. She has most recently published a devotional, Comfort: A 30 Day Devotional Exploring God's Heart of Love for Mommas. You can find out more about Amanda on her Facebook Page or follow her on Instagram.