Build Up Your Spouse
"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." Ephesians 4:29
During our fights, my husband tends to make peace, brush issues to the side, and sweep them under the rug. I, however, spew whatever harsh word comes to my mind. One day, my husband commented that my words had really hurt him. I hadn't meant to attack his character or his manhood. However, my words had stung in a way that would stick with him for a long time.
Reading in the Word, I came across the above verse. After I read that verse, I began to take mental notes as to how often I had an unkind word or thought come to my mind. The number was too embarrassing to count. Unintentionally, I had allowed Satan's lies to fill my mind. These thoughts changed my heart, which in turn, changed my actions. In the short term, it felt good to get how I really felt about my husband or the situation off my chest. But in the long term, I was failing to be the wife I was supposed to be. Regardless of how he treated me, he did not deserve to be verbally attacked in that way.
It's interesting to note that from Genesis to Revelation, words matter. God's first action in Genesis is to speak. God spoke, and the earth was formed. This indicates that words carry great weight. Words have the power to encourage or admonish. They can empower others to demonstrate love or spew hate. The choice is ours.
Not only are our words important on social media, but they are also important in our families and, most importantly, our marriages. The way we treat our spouses is important. In the same way we will be held accountable for our actions on earth, we will also be held accountable for our words. Although this verse is often credited with unwholesome talk as being curse words, the reality is calling my spouse names, attacking their character, or lording superiority over them is not the way a marriage should be handled. God calls us to steward every part of our lives, including our marriages. Our spouses need us to build up and encourage them rather than put them down and destroy them.
If you're unsure if your use of unwholesome talk is excessive, take a week and get a blank journal. Every time you have a negative thought or say a negative word to someone, write it down. At the end of the week, read over the journal and reflect on what was said. Who did you say these to? Were these words targeted at one person? More than likely, anger is at the root of those negative words. If we can resolve our anger, the unwholesome talk will likely stop. Pinpoint the triggers that begin the negative talk. Is there a particular activity, hobby, or person that contributes to these things?
Once the week is over, start a new page and write down every kind word. Ask the Lord to change your negative, unwholesome talk into positive, uplifting talk. God does not want us to merely abstain from bad behavior but rather replace bad behaviors with good ones. Seek to replace negative talk with good talk and see how your attitude changes. You may find your thoughts become less angry, which in turn resolves your anger, removes any sadness, and allows you to experience joy and spiritual freedom.
Prayer:
Father, let our words build up others rather than tear them down. We are to reflect you in our marriages. Help us to be an example to our spouses with our words. Just as you choose to speak things into being and use your words to give life, we can also do the same. Help us choose positive, uplifting words rather than negative ones that destroy others. Help us pinpoint the root of our anger and resolve it so that we can experience the spiritual freedom you want for us. Amen.
Application Questions:
Do you use unwholesome talk when it comes to your spouse?
In what ways can you turn your negative words into positive, uplifting ones?
Michelle S. Lazurek is a multi-genre award-winning author, speaker, pastor's wife, and mother. She is a literary agent for Wordwise Media Services and a certified writing coach. Her new children’s book Hall of Faith encourages kids to understand God can be trusted. When not working, she enjoys sipping a Starbucks latte, collecting 80s memorabilia, and spending time with her family and her crazy dog. For more info, please visit her website www.michellelazurek.
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