Six Words That Changed My Marriage
"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up." Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 NIV
"I need to talk to my spouse," the voice firmly but politely answered. Stifling an exasperated sigh, I mustered, "Oh, of course. Just let me know what she says. We will talk tomorrow." In the staffing world, we call this exchange "getting spoused." We hope that when we extend a job offer, the recipient will immediately accept the role without hesitation or delay. It is natural for those with a spouse to speak to them during the hiring process, and it is encouraged. However, it is discerning once we've extended the offer because they usually decline the role after speaking with their partner.
At dinner one evening, my voice, pregnant with irritation, as I shared with my husband how I'd been "spoused."
"I don't understand why this is always such a surprise to you. I hope if the roles were reversed, you would speak to me before making a major decision," he said between bites. As I cleaned the dishes, I let my thoughts linger on my husband's words. Of course, I would speak to him while making a significant life change, but did I need to consult him when making the final decision?
The truth was that I still thought of us as two separate units instead of unified in marriage. I struggled to grasp that we were now united and, in God's eyes, seen as one unit, so naturally, we should bring our spouse into every area of life, no matter how big or small we believe it to be. Inviting my husband into my initial but not final decision-making process shows that I still value what's best for me over what's best for us.
In our key verse, Solomon shares in Ecclesiastes 4: 9-10 the importance of having someone you can depend on to help you through life. Often in our marriages, we turn to our spouses for assistance when things are going well or perhaps even when it is to our advantage. But, we are reluctant to seek their advice or opinion on matters that, frankly, we've already decided what to do–at least that was the case for me.
As I scrubbed the pots and pans that night, the Holy Spirit opened my heart and eyes to the importance of bringing every detail of my life to my husband. I must openly share my desires and be willing to communicate and compromise if needed for the good of us as a whole, not just for me. A marriage built on support and sacrifice is a gift but doesn't come naturally. Each day, we must choose to put our spouse first.
When younger couples ask us the keys to a good marriage, we do not hesitate to share the six words that helped our marriage grow and flourish. "I have to ask my spouse" is more than an invitation to participate in the process; it's confirmation that we are better together.
Heavenly Father, we thank you for the gift of a marriage. We are grateful that You saw it wasn't good for man to be alone and gave us a partner to help us. Lord, we need to pause when tempted to go our way or ignore our spouse's opinions or advice. Help us prioritize a personal relationship with You in our marriages. We submit and serve one another with joyful obedience from that overflow of Christ at work in our lives. Lord, we ask that you help us navigate difficult decisions and opposing viewpoints with grace and kindness, keeping us cool and calm. Above all, Lord, let us remember that we are united as one embracing the gift of a marriage. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
Challenge Questions:
Think about the last time you made an important decision. Did you include your spouse from the start, or did you only consult them after making the call? Take time today to honestly talk with your spouse about how you feel about their inclusion or lack of when making decisions. Develop a plan moving forward about how you will approach opportunities in the future.
Laura Bailey is an author and Bible teacher who encourages women to understand what they believe, why it matters, and how to apply biblical truths to their lives. Her recent book, Embracing Eternity in the Here and Now, explores how the timeless truths of Ecclesiastes help us live more peaceful, purposeful, and plentiful lives today.
She lives in Upstate South Carolina with her husband and three young girls, where she serves as director of women's ministries at her church. Her passion is teaching the Bible to women, equipping them to live with an eternal perspective. Invite Laura to speak at your next event or learn more: www.LauraRBailey.com
We hope you and your spouse are challenged and encouraged by today's devotional! For more of this premium marriage devotional, visit here.