Marriage is a beautiful part of God’s plan, a relationship like no other we’ll have in life. That’s made clear in the vows we take during the wedding ceremony. Phrases like “for richer or poorer” and “in sickness and in health” indicate how deep the promise we are making to each other really goes.
Ideally, this relationship is meant to be so much more than companionship or even romance. Simply put, God wants us to show His love to each other every day – even more, to actually be like Jesus to each other. It is a lofty goal, for sure. But God doesn’t leave us to work toward it by ourselves.
The Bible, sometimes called “a manual for life,” is filled with wisdom for every married couple. Within its pages, we’ll discover God’s call for us as husbands and wives and the mind and heart-set to love our spouse well.
Note: If you are a believer and your spouse is not, it may seem more difficult to live out God’s commands in this area. But your Heavenly Father knows the situation you face and exactly what you need. He is pleased by your desire to follow Him and will provide you with a strong anointing of grace, strength and hope.
God Calls Us to Selfless Love for Our Spouse
Three types of love for others are mentioned in the Bible. The first two are “Phileo” (brotherly love), and “Eros” (romantic love). But there is another kind called “Agape,” which is the most complete and most powerful form of love. The Apostle Paul describes it this way:
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7).
This is selfless love, and it starts with God. He is the true source and has already poured it out onto each one of His children in the most amazing of ways - the sacrifice of His only Son to save us.
“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8).
All three types of love have a place in a healthy marriage relationship. Expressing Phileo and Eros is more natural for us. But it’s when we show Agape to our spouse that we most resemble Christ - and His perfect act of love on our behalf can be our inspiration.
“We love because he first loved us” (1 John 4:19).
Showing this kind of love isn’t something that comes in our own strength. But Scripture is full of guidance, and with time and practice it will become more instinctive. We can start by asking God to help us. Then, we can look honestly at what our attitudes are now toward our spouse. Here are some possible questions to think about:
- Do I ask for them to be blessed, or am I more concerned with getting my needs met?
- Do I offer them grace, or am I more worried about being right?
- Do I show them unconditional affection, or am I always expecting them to give me something in return?
Most of us will see that we are somewhere in the process of becoming more selfless, which should be enlightening and encouraging.
5 Ways to Display Agape Love to Your Spouse
1. By staying committed to the marriage
“Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate” (Mark 10:9).
Reminding your spouse that you are dedicated to the relationship can reassure them and keep you focused on the right goals.
2. By creating a positive atmosphere in your home
“She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life…She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come…She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue…She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness…Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her…” (Proverbs 31:12, 25-28)
“Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance” (Titus 2:2).
Uplifting your spouse through words and actions will help make an environment of enjoyment and refreshment for both of you.
3. By seeking to build up your mate
“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Ephesians 5:21).
“Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them” (Colossians 3:18-19).
Giving comments that make your spouse feel accepted and supported will help them grow into the best version of themselves, which will bless you both.
4. By being a Godly example for your spouse
“…to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word…” (Ephesians 5:26).
“Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives” (1 Peter 3:1-2).
Sharing your faith journey can be a kind of invitation for your spouse to grow closer to the Lord and change in healthy ways, too.
5. By staying faithful to the relationship
“Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral” (Hebrews 13:4).
“But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband” (1 Corinthians 7:2-3).
Showing desire for your spouse and letting them know you will never look beyond them will strengthen trust between you.
4 Biblical Examples of Loving Spouses
We can find so many illustrations in God’s Word that show us how to walk in His ways. These are just a few examples of spouses who showed love to each other. All of them had faults and made mistakes along the way. But we can learn from what they did well.
1. Abraham & Sarah
When called by God to move to a new home, both Abraham and Sarah were obedient. She supported him and he provided for her as they shared the adventures and miracles that came their way together.
2. Boaz & Ruth
From the first time he saw her in his wheat field, Boaz protected and provided for Ruth. He later offered her a new and better life in marriage, and she grew into her role as a wife and follower of God.
3. Joseph & Mary
In the midst of very unusual and challenging circumstances that Mary found herself in, Joseph stayed faithful to his promise to marry her. They committed to each other and to God’s special call on their lives.
4. Aquilla & Priscilla
Both gifted to teach, they respected each other and worked as a couple and a spiritual team to share the Gospel and truths about Christ.
A Prayer for Showing Godly Love to Your Spouse
Dear Heavenly Father,
You are the Author of life and the source of love. I thank You for showing love to us every day through Your provision, and so many other blessings. My spouse is one of those gifts You’ve given me, and now I lift up my marriage. I pray for the desire and dedication to do all I can to love my spouse in a way that reflects You, Lord. Work in me so that I can grow more in Agape love every day. And let me find joy in showing that in smaller and larger ways. Thank You, gracious God.
I pray this in Jesus’ name,
Amen.
Photo credit: ©Getty Images/simpson
Heather Adams is an author, speaker, and singer living in Connecticut. Heather’s passion is to equip and encourage believers to seek more of God’s truth and to experience more of His joy each day. Her book, Bow Down: The Heart of a True Worshipper is a practical, 30-day devotional about worship based on the writings of King David. Heather's blog, Worship Walk Ministries, offers weekly Scripture passages and insights to ponder. A native New Englander, Heather is settling into her home in the South, trying out local foods and watching for the alligators that live nearby!