What if I Don’t Feel Forgiven?
By Rev. Kyle Norman
Bible Reading
“If you O Lord kept a record of our sins, O Lord who could stand. But with you there is forgiveness, so you are to be feared.” (Psalm 130:3-4)
Forgiveness is one of the benchmarks of Christian faith. The Christian life doesn’t make a whole lot of sense if we have a faulty or unbiblical understanding of forgiveness. Forgiveness is fundamental to our faith, and one of the prime characteristics of God’s nature. Yet, according to a 2018 survey by the Barna Group – close to 40% of practicing Christians don’t believe they have ever felt forgiven.
There are two main reasons why someone might struggle to feel forgiven. First is they may have a faulty depiction of God. See, for a lot of people, even those who go to church, God is an angry cop in the sky who is out to catch us in our wrongs. Heaven contains a large filing cabinet containing our spiritual rap-sheet; if we step too far out of line, then the Lord will dole out some form of divine retribution. We may not even know we think that, until something unplanned or unwanted happens in our life, and our first thought is “is God punishing me?” Somewhere, there is a belief that mistakes and sins completely invalidate God’s love and grace.
But scripture speaks a better word. Psalm 130 verse 3 says, “If you, O Lord, kept a record of sins, O Lord who could stand.” You know, scripture depicts God keeping records of all sorts of things: God keeps the number of our days, God keeps a record of all our tears, God even records the number of hairs on our head; But God does not keep a record of our sins. There is no rap sheet that we need to try to work our way out of. We do not live our lives under the peering eye of an angry cosmic enforcer.
With the Lord, there is forgiveness. Forgiveness means that God radically reaches out to us in love and grace. Forgiveness means that when we come to God in faith, whatever spiritual burdens we carry, for whatever reason, are completely and eternally removed. This spiritual freedom isn’t because of anything we do, we don’t earn it or merit it, or work our way into forgiveness. Forgiveness is free, held out to us, because that is who God is.
But if that is who God is, why don’t we all recognize this reality? Well, the second obstacle to feeling forgiven is ourselves. Sometimes, we think that we aren’t worthy of that forgiveness. We make the record of our sins, and because that record is longer than we would like, we actively remove ourselves from the offer of forgiveness. We all know the adage; “Forgive and forget,” but because we can’t forget, we don’t feel forgiven.
Not only does the scripture make clear that it is God’s fundamental character to forgive our sins, Psalm 130 also speaks about the totality of that forgiveness. Psalm 130 concludes with ‘With the Lord there is unfailing love; and with the Lord, there is full redemption.” The forgiveness of God, rooted in God’s mercy and grace, is unfailing and full. It covers every spot or sin in our lives. And when our own hearts condemn us, we can remember that God is bigger than our hearts and will never revoke his love towards us.
Intersecting Faith and Life:
The greatest example of God’s radical and transforming forgiveness is Jesus on the cross. Jesus hung in front of the people who drove nails through his limbs, spat upon him, and mocked him. It would have been easy for Jesus to utter a word of condemnation or vengeance. But instead, in the face of all the world’s cruelty, as the world’s sin crushed him, Jesus voiced nothing but loving forgiveness. “Father forgives them.” In Jesus, the fullness of forgiveness is always on display.
Are you struggling to feel forgiven? Look to Jesus. It can be hard sometimes to turn off the voice inside us that says we haven’t earned our forgiveness. After all, we live in a world that tries to rank and file everything and everyone. We live in a world of merit and earning, one that says, “What goes around comes around,” and “You get what you deserve.” But Jesus reminds us that God’s love isn’t based on worldly principles. Jesus offers us a vision of hope and grace. You need not question your forgiveness. Like a Sentinel looking toward the horizon in the eager anticipation that the dawn will come just as it always does, you can live your lives in the assurance of God’s forgiveness, love, and redemption. Because all those things are held in the crucified hands of Jesus. Amen.
Further Reading:
Psalm 130
What Does the Bible Say about Forgiveness
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/PeopleImages
The Reverend Dr. Kyle Norman is the Rector of St. Paul’s Cathedral, located in Kamloops BC, Canada. He holds a doctorate in Spiritual formation and is a sought-after writer, speaker, and retreat leader. His writing can be found at Christianity.com, crosswalk.com, ibelieve.com, Renovare Canada, and many others. He also maintains his own blog revkylenorman.ca. He has 20 years of pastoral experience, and his ministry focuses on helping people overcome times of spiritual discouragement.
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