How Knowing Your Love Language Can Enhance Your Marriage
By: Amanda Idleman
You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love. Galatians 5:13
Serving one another humbly in love captures the entire mission of marriage. When we say "I do" after making big promises of forever love to each other, we are essentially saying that we will choose to serve and love our spouse without pride from this day until the day one of us dies.
What gets tricky on the journey is the how.
How do you serve each other? When do you serve each other? What feels like love for my partner? How do I best feel loved? What do I need most to thrive in my marriage relationship? How do I lay down my pride when conflict arises for the good of our love?
The short answer is that we do this through a relentless commitment to intentional investment in our marriage relationship.
Knowing your love language is a great tool that can help us as we work to be intentional in the ways we love and serve each other in our marriage. I cannot tell you how many times my husband and I have gotten into an argument because when I want him to present, he decides to get busy serving me. His service is one way he shows me love but it's low on my love language preferences so it doesn't communicate the care that I desire when I feel overwhelmed. My primary love language is quality time, so I want him to stop all the clearing and be with me when I'm in need, which honestly is hard for him.
Thankfully, marriage gives us so many opportunities to learn and grow together. Most of us get the chance to share decades of our lives with our partners, and each day is a new chance to serve and love with more humility, grace, and intentionality. In our case, we've had to make many mistakes in order to embrace the humility required to respond to each other in a way that honors each other's needs instead of our own preferences. Remember, failure is not a dead end; it's an invitation to learn and try again. It takes one million apologies to hold a marriage together and one million and one gifts of forgiveness.
Your homework today is to take the time and learn each other's love languages. Then take time to talk about what makes you feel most loved in your marriage. Just a warning it seems so many times what you love your partner does not. It's God's great way of refining us by pairing us with an opposite.
Give each other clear examples of how they can make you feel loved. You can start the conversation by stating, "I feel most loved when…" This offers your partner a clear picture of how they can lift you up as the love of their life.
Check in with each other every few months to assess whether you are faithfully showing love in the ways that most resonate with each other. Be humble and open to receiving corrections from your partner because the goal is to love and serve each other until death. We can only do this if we keep a teachable spirit toward our spouse.
Feeling seen and loved is the best way to keep the fire alive in your marriage! No matter what we are going through as a couple knowing you have your mate on your side makes everything feel that much better. We need each other, so we have to work hard to stay on the same team.
Let's Pray:
God, I thank you for giving me the gift of marriage. We have the opportunity to love and serve each other with humble hearts each and every day. Help us to fully embrace this calling and all the hard work required to keep the love you have given us alive. When we fail, let your grace cover our sins. Grant us teachable hearts in our relationship so we remain genuinely curious about how our partner thinks, feels, and loves. Give us the words we need to articulate our love languages well to each other. Amen.
Amanda Idleman is a writer whose passion is to encourage others to live joyfully. She writes devotions for My Daily Bible Verse Devotional and Podcast, Crosswalk Couples Devotional, the Daily Devotional App, she has work published with Her View from Home, on the MOPS Blog, and is a regular contributor for Crosswalk.com. She has most recently published a devotional, Comfort: A 30 Day Devotional Exploring God's Heart of Love for Mommas. You can find out more about Amanda on her Facebook Page or follow her on Instagram.
Related Resource: How to Make Your Prayer Habits Stick
Have you ever thought: "I wish I would have prayed first?"
Remembering to make prayer our first option over others in times of crisis, need, or our everyday lives can be challenging. We've all experienced the many distractions that circumvent our prayer intentions.
Join Rachel on Untangling Prayer as she shares James Clear's 4 laws of behavior change and how they apply to our prayer lives.
You won't want to miss the amazing answer to prayer and sweet affirmation she also shares as a beautiful example of how God works in our lives today! If you enjoy this episode, be sure to subscribe to Untangling Prayer on Apple or Spotify so you never miss an episode! Rachel also has a new book called Desperate Prayers: Embracing the Power of Prayer in Life's Darkest Moments.