The union of marriage is a sacred thing our society has tainted. The Bible states that marriage is between one woman and one man, but the world has defiled it with its own definition. Our children are being exposed to the world's definition, which can be very confusing to them.
Children need a solid foundation at home that shows them what an example of biblical marriage is. How can you set an example of this? Here are some suggestions to make it crystal clear to your children what marriage is supposed to be.
Teach Them the Biblical Example First
Sit down and talk to your children about marriage. Explain to them that God intends it to be between one woman and one man. Talk to them about how a biblical marriage looks like loving each other, respecting each other, honoring God's laws together, and keeping God at the center of your marriage.
Explain to Them the World's View of Marriage
Depending on their age, explain to your children what the world's view of marriage is. Make them understand it is acceptable by the world for boys to love boys, girls to love girls, and even engage in non-monogamous relationships outside of a heterosexual marriage. Explain to them that the world thinks it's okay to get divorced or married an excessive number of times. Remind them that this is not how God wants the union of marriage to be.
They may have friends whose parents aren't in a traditional marriage. It is important to teach your kids to show these parents respect even if you disagree with their lifestyle. Explain to them that we can still love the person; we don't love the sin. Everyone deserves courtesy and respect.
Show Each Other Love
Be affectionate with your husband or wife around the kids. Hug and kiss often. Cook their favorite meal or buy them a gift just because. Perform a random act of kindness for them one day and let your kids in on it. Pack your spouse's lunch the night before, fill up their gas tank, or clear off the frost on their car early one morning so they don't have to. There are tons of ways you can show your spouse love every day and set a good example for your kids.
Respect Each Other
Always show each other respect in front of your kids, even if you don't agree. If you are having a discussion and they walk in on it and you're on the verge of an argument, simply say, "I respect your opinion, but I don't agree with you." Leave it at that until you can talk more privately.
Always Be Honest with Each Other
You want your kids to always be honest, so set the example by always being honest with your husband or wife. Show your kids what it means to be lovingly honest rather than being brutal about it. Teach them that lying in any situation is not a good thing, especially in a marriage.
Pray Together
Choose a time each week to pray with your spouse. This could be in the morning over coffee, in the evening when you do a Bible study together, or before the kids go to bed. Make sure you bring the kids in to pray with you. Set the example that you are a couple that prays for your family, friends, and about other important issues at hand.
Pray for Each Other
When you are out and about with the kids, pray for your spouse out loud. Before you drop them off at school, pray for your spouse to have a good day. If you have little ones at home that aren't in school yet, pray for your spouse at lunchtime. Get a call or text from your spouse that they are having a rough day? Pray for them. In keeping your spouse in prayer throughout the day, you set the example for your kids that they are important to you.
Keep Communication Open
Always keep the lines of communication open with your spouse. If something needs to be discussed, that is appropriate around the kids, talk about it. Talk about where you want to go on vacation, ideas for things to do during the holidays, or what you would like to have for dinners over the next few weeks.
If harder things need to be discussed, like finances, job losses or layoffs, or bad news about friends or family, always be open and honest with each other. Also, as a couple, be sure to have open communication with God as well. He is at the center of your marriage, after all.
Don't Fight in Front of the Kids
No matter how upset you are with each other, never fight in front of the kids. This will be frightening and upsetting to them and will set the wrong example. Remember, kids are like sponges and they are watching everything you do. If you need to blow off some serious steam, wait until you are in the privacy of your room to hash things out.
Show Them Examples of Good Marriages in the Bible
Go through the Bible and choose some stories about good marriages in the Bible. The first couple that comes to mind are Mary and Joseph, Jesus's parents. Other great examples include Isaac and Rebekah, Ruth and Boaz, and Abraham and Sarah.
Talk about Examples of Good Marriages in Their Lives
Sit down and talk about some people you know that have excellent marriages. This could be grandma and grandpa who have been married for fifty years. It could be your best friend who married her childhood sweetheart. It could be your pastor and his wife who have been married a long time.
Then talk about things that make those marriages great. For example, grandma and grandpa grew up with old-fashioned values during a time when marriages endured the test of time. Your best friend Stacy and her husband Brett have known each other all their lives and built a solid foundation on friendship first before getting married. Your pastor and his wife may have met in the ministry and put God at the center of their own individual lives first before getting married.
No marriage is the same; each one will have things that keep things solid in the relationship. One couple could go on date nights once a week. Another couple could go away for a week together every year without fail. Yet another couple could volunteer together and serve others.
Take Them to Weddings
Take your kids to as many weddings as you can. Sit down and talk to them before you go about what they will experience and how they should behave. Tell them that the ceremony is very special and that the vows the couple makes to each other are sacred and for forever. Explain to them that when a traditional couple gets married, they are making a promise to God that they will love each other as long as they both live.
People have all kinds of weddings, from traditional to destination to themed. One couple may have their wedding in a church, keeping with tradition. Another couple may have their wedding on the beach or at another destination. Sometimes, people have themed weddings that nod to their heritage or because they have a certain interest. For example, my husband and I had an Irish wedding with traditional Irish vows, a hand-fasting ceremony, and jumping the broom.
Your kids will love that not every wedding they attend will be the same and you will love all the unique experiences they will have.
Renew Your Vows
Since your kids weren't around when you got married, why not have a vow renewal ceremony for them? This way, they can see their parents get married.
You can make this elaborate and plan a ceremony and reception and go all out, or you can keep it simple. If your wedding had a lot of glitches and things didn't go as planned, it may be fun to have a big bash and have it done right this time.
Maybe your wedding day went great, and you would rather have a low-key affair. That is fine, too. Invite close friends and family and your pastor to marry you, and then have hors d' oeuvres, cake, and punch.
The most important thing is that your kids will get to see you get married again and continue to have a fantastic example of a biblical marriage.
There are all kinds of ways that you can set an example for your kids of what a biblical marriage is. From teaching them the basics of what a godly marriage is and isn't, treating your spouse with love and respect, and keeping your problems to yourselves and not fighting in front of your kids. You can take them to weddings so they get a clear picture of what a godly wedding looks like and show them the ultimate example of you and your spouse renewing your vows. These things are great examples, so they will know what they want their marriage to be like when the time comes.