Parenting is not for the faint of heart; raising children is hard. Like everything, there are different parenting methods and styles, from being overly strict to being overly permissive. It seems like today's parenting is a free-for-all with no set rules.
Most parents would rather be a child's friend than a person in authority. I've seen this time and time again as a former daycare teacher. There are things kids get away with these days that we would be in huge trouble for in our youth. It makes me wonder what God would say about modern-day parenting. The Bible doesn't have a specific book or chapter about parenting, but it does have some guidelines to follow.
Discipline
Lack of discipline runs rampant in our society. Children believe they can do and say whatever they want because their parents don't enforce discipline at home. There are no consequences for their actions.
Parents don't seem to care how their children act. As a daycare teacher, I experienced children hitting, kicking, punching, spitting on me, knocking my glasses off my face, etc. I've seen kids get into brawls with each other in groups. I once had a kid shove another kid into a building and bust her head open.
The reactions from the parents? Usually, in a very sweet voice, "Now Cole, you know we don't act like that. Go tell James you're sorry." I had one parent tell me, "I just do what she says."
The Bible specifically states that parents need to discipline their children.
"Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children. Those who love their children care enough to discipline them." (Proverbs 13:24, NLT)
"Discipline your children while there is hope. Otherwise, you will ruin their lives." (Proverbs 19:18, NLT)
"Don't fail to discipline your children. The rod of punishment won't kill them." (Proverbs 23:13, NLT)
Love
Love of self is what we are teaching our children. We live in a very "me" centered society, which does not align with God's definition of love. Parents, your kids are watching you and are noting where your priorities are, what you love, and the time you put into those things. They are well aware of the things you love.
Am I saying we can't enjoy the things and activities we love to do? No, not at all. But our first love is God and you should set an example by spending time with him every day in a place where your children see you. Teach them about God's love and loving others first.
The Bible says:
"And you must love the Lord with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength." (Deuteronomy 6:5, NLT)
Respect
This is another area where modern day parenting gets it wrong. Parents fail to teach today's children to respect, resulting in their lack of respect. If you are in a classroom today and ask a kid to do something you will probably hear, "No." or "I don't want to." or "I'm not going to do that." And they won't.
Instead, parents need to model respect by watching their language. They should not be talking down to their kids, other family members, or outsiders.
The Bible says:
"Each of you must show respect to your mother and father, and you must always observe my Sabbath days of rest. I am the Lord your God." (Leviticus 19:3, NLT)
"Stand up in the presence of the elderly and show respect for the aged. Fear your God. I am the Lord." (Leviticus 19:32, NLT)
Intentionality
Parents need to be intentional with their kids. This means teaching them our values and priorities and living them out in our daily lives. We should not be letting outside things like books, movies, music, and other media influence this.
It's important to be intentional about the spiritual atmosphere in the home; pay attention to how you live your life according to your values, beliefs, and priorities.
Boundaries and Limits
Kids need boundaries and limits. When they don't have these things, they can't thrive. Boundaries and limits teach them right from wrong. In Biblical parenting, boundaries mean letting good things in and keeping bad things out. This means you set boundaries for your kids about what they can consume, including books, music, movies, and other media. It also means setting boundaries in families, with friends, and other influencers as well.
The Bible says:
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin which so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us." (Hebrews 12:1, NLT)
"Stay away from fools. You won't find knowledge on their lips." (Proverbs 14:7, NLT)
Gratitude
We live in a very selfish society where we constantly compare ourselves to others and dream of coveting what others have. Social media, commercials, and society have us compare ourselves to others every day. We often dream of coveting that big house, brand new vehicle, or high-profile career. This filters down to children, causing them to compare themselves and what they have (or don't have) to others. This can lead to feelings of stress and depression for everyone in the family.
Instead, we should focus on gratitude. You should teach your kids to wake up every day with an attitude of gratitude. Thank God for waking you up first thing in the morning. Having gratitude helps us fight selfishness both within our families and in our other relationships with friends, coworkers, bosses, and others we meet in our day. It also helps our children see all the good things God does in our lives, from providing us with a home to live in to having food on our table to helping us during a presentation at a meeting or them passing a test. You should teach your kids to be grateful, no matter how they are feeling at the moment.
The Bible says:
"Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned to be content with whatever I have." (Philippians 4:11)
Grace and Forgiveness
Grace and forgiveness are foreign concepts in our culture, but you need to be teaching them to your children. Explain to your kids what forgiveness truly means, using the greatest example of all: Jesus dying on the cross for us. Then model that in your behavior. If a situation arises where you need to forgive someone and it's appropriate to talk about it, tell your kids what happened and how you handled it.
Grace is another foreign concept. People would much rather attack each other than point fingers than show each other some grace. Explain to your kids that no one is perfect and that everyone needs some grace from time to time. Then, give an example of a situation where they could extend grace to drive the point home. Once again, make sure you model this in your own life.
The Bible says:
"If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins." (Matthew 6:14-15, NLT)
Adaptability
Adaptability is hard for children, especially in today's society. Kids thrive on routine, and when disruptions occur, either at home or at school, it can throw them off in a big way. I've especially seen this in kids from divorced families when a non-custodial parent has to change their plans and skip a visit on the weekend. Or when their regular teacher is out sick for the day or gone for an afternoon because they have an appointment or something else going on. It's hard for them to adapt.
Still, this is an important lesson you need to teach your kids. Life is full of change, and we have to learn to adapt to it. While you can't teach adaptability, you can allow your kids to engage in appropriate doses of challenge to help them build their resilience.
Another way to do this is to teach them to take ownership of their actions and be problem-solvers. Both these situations foster resilience, something everyone has a dose of, but some need to learn resilience. Adaptability is what will help children find peace that is stronger than anything they can face in life.
Peace helps combat worry that makes us lose our faith in God. When a family is adaptable together, they can face hardships and grow their faith together. This peace also helps with contentment.
Aspects of biblical parenting are not always popular, but if you teach your kids these basic principles, you ensure they will become happier, well-rounded individuals.
What do you think? Do modern parenting styles align or misalign with Scripture? Join the discussion on Crosswalk Forums!