Only God would have known that by the age of twenty-four, I would find myself single again, and this time as a single mom. As I reflect on the faithfulness of God, I cannot help but recognize His goodness unfolding in my life, even during some of the most difficult times I had to navigate. Although divorce is never the goal or objective when entering into a marriage, the reality is that it happens. Just because we are professing believers does not automatically mean we are shielded from the devastation and trauma experienced from divorce.
The good news is there is life after divorce. Healthy, happy, God-honoring life to be lived despite the unexpected occurrence of a divorce. Jesus is the only way by which we can have this life. Jesus wants us to live an abundant life. He died for us in order that we might access this abundance here on earth and eternally. John 10:10 (ESV) tells us, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly."
Undergoing a divorce or living single does not prohibit us from living a full, abundant life in Christ Jesus. Being single due to any circumstance is nothing to be ashamed of or feel embarrassed about. Singleness is not second-class citizenship in God's kingdom, nor is it an inferior marital status in the world. Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 7:7 (NLT), "But I wish everyone were single, just as I am. Yet each person has a special gift from God, of one kind or another." Whether married or single, they are both to be viewed as gifts from God. Yes, different gifts, but equally valued in the sight of God.
In my time of being single again over the span of twenty years, I have learned many life lessons as I have turned to God and not away from Him. I can honestly say the greatest blessing I have received is getting to encounter an intimate, abiding relationship with my Lord and Savior that transcends any earthly circumstance. Choosing to embrace God's gift of singleness yielded countless fruit of an abundant life through Christ Jesus.
When I reflect upon my journey—single, married, divorced, single again, and re-married—I am truly grateful to recognize God's plans and purposes prevailing in my life. He never left me lonely, comfortless, or abandoned. At every turn and point, I recognize God's presence as light in my darkest moments. What a privilege to trace his sovereign handprint, knowing He was orchestrating my path all along.
Today, I am delighted to share with you three truths God taught me in twenty years of being single again. It is my sincerest hope they will offer confirmation to you as you live your best (single) life by God's grace.
1. Nothing Can Separate Me From the Love of God
Experiencing the brokenness of divorce can leave one feeling spent, worthless, and without purpose. Even though I knew in my head that God loved me, I also felt like damaged goods. There was this sense of brokenness that wanted to battle for my belief about my true identity. The amazing love of God rescued me from this low place, affirming the unconditional love of God that reaches me in every situation I face. God reminded me of my true identity through Christ Jesus. It was not contingent on my performance as a married or single person. There was nothing I had to do to earn it, and there was nothing I could do to make God change His mind about loving me completely, relentlessly, and perfectly.
Let us be reminded of the faithful love of God through these words spoken in Jeremiah 33:3 (NLT), "Long ago the Lord said to Israel: 'I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love. With unfailing love, I have drawn you to myself.'" It doesn't matter if divorce has been a part of your past; God still loves you. If, like me, this is your reality, take the time you need to heal, repent, process, and be restored.
Never allow the enemy to make you believe the lie that whispers (or shouts) that somehow you are unloved by God, that His love for you has diminished toward you. That is simply not so. May your thoughts be anchored in the truth that nothing can separate you from the love of God! Hold fast to this promise found in Romans 8:38-39 (ESV): "For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."
2. God Never Disqualifies You
The second truth I want to share that God taught me in twenty years of being single again is that God never disqualifies you! What I mean by this is that God does not change His mind about what He has called you to accomplish for His kingdom. After going through a divorce, there was a season where I doubted my ability to be used by God as I previously thought He would use me to fulfill His kingdom purposes. It was not that I did not want to serve in ministry; I just inwardly believed I was now disqualified from leading others, or at least leading in any way that would make a real and meaningful impact.
Being single again did not catch God off guard. His will for my life was not based on my ability to make perfect decisions. What I did not initially understand was how God would use the very things I thought disqualified me to qualify me as one who could be used by God to fulfill his plans. Never would I have imagined that God would allow my testimony to serve a greater purpose for His kingdom and His glory as I encourage other women in their singleness. By God's grace, I have been able to live out my calling and do ministry work because God never saw me as damaged goods. Instead, He used every opportunity to develop and mature me into the person I am now so that He could use all of it to bring honor to His name.
If you have struggled with your worthiness because of your singleness, I want you to hold fast to the truth of this scripture from 2 Timothy 1:9 (CSB), "He has saved us and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works, but according to his own purpose and grace, which was given to us in Christ Jesus before time began." Remember this: no person, not even you—can disqualify you from walking in your destiny in Christ Jesus. God does not change His mind about who He has called you to be or what He is equipping you to do for His kingdom work. God's goodness, favor, grace, and mercies are more than sufficient for you.
3. Contentment and Completeness Is Known in God Alone
The third and final truth I want to share with you that God taught me in twenty years of being single again is that our contentment and completeness can only be known in God alone. I am grateful that I had a relationship with Jesus from childhood. This gave me hope that even in the midst of feeling broken because of a divorce, my life was not shattered. Unfortunately, I have had conversations with many women who felt completely hopeless when going through a divorce because they believed lies that their worth, value, and identity were all associated with their marriage.
This is why it is so important to have a relationship with Jesus. When we walk in fellowship with Him, we learn that our worth, value, and identity can never be defined by people, relationships, marital status, networking connections, civic/social organizations—the list can go on and on. There is a longing we as humans have for soul satisfaction that can never be met by any means other than God. No thing and no person on this earth can substitute the satisfaction we were made to experience with our Creator.
Nothing in this world can complete us and make us content apart from our relationship with God. We are admonished in Matthew 6:33 (ESV), "But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." It is never in chasing behind people or after things that we will find contentment. It is only in pursuing a relationship with God that we know what it genuinely means to be complete. Let us cling to Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, throughout every season of life. This is our greatest prize, our dearest treasure here in this life on earth, and our life eternally.
Patrice Burrell Grant is called to lead others to the grace of God, rooted in the truth of scripture. Championing women to live authentically and pursue God passionately, she aspires to live a lifestyle anchored in spiritual disciplines while cheering on other women to do the same. As a Bible teacher, she exhorts women to remember their true identity is defined in Christ, not culture. After earning her Master of Divinity degree, Patrice authored her first book, Warrior Slay, a devotional book on the power of worship and prayer. She has also written Living My Best Life, a Bible study for single women. Her latest work, Be Still My Soul, is all about cultivating the spiritual disciplines of silence and solitude in prayer through the practice of daily prayer journaling. Patrice is the founder of L.A.C.E. Legacy, a ministry established to incite the faith of Christian women who live out their legacy of faith as Ladies Anchored in Christian Excellence (L.A.C.E.), loving the legacy of faith they live. You can connect with Patrice on her blog, Warrior Woman Blog; on social media in her Facebook community, Warrior Women; @patriceburrellministries on Facebook; @patriceburrellgrant on Instagram; and @lacelegacy on her YouTube Channel, L.A.C.E. Legacy with Patrice.