In Christian marriages, sexual intimacy is about more than just physical connection—it’s a spiritual and emotional bond designed by God to strengthen the relationship between husband and wife. Yet, despite its importance, sexual intimacy can often become a challenging topic, especially when communication is lacking. Recently, I had a conversation with Alex and Kadi Dutton, the founders of Every Love Intimates, a subscription service that helps Christian couples rekindle sexual intimacy in a meaningful way. Through their journey and business, they’ve learned that communication is key to an intimate marriage.
For many couples, talking about sexual intimacy feels uncomfortable, and that discomfort can lead to a lack of communication. In the early days of their marriage, Alex and Kadi struggled with this as well. “We had different expectations about sexual intimacy,” Alex explained, “and it wasn’t until we really started communicating that things began to improve.”
The Bible encourages this level of openness in marriage. Ephesians 4:2-3 says, "Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace." This Scripture reminds us that marriage is about unity, and that unity begins with communication—especially when it comes to difficult or sensitive topics like sexual sexual intimacy.
Alex and Kadi shared the importance of starting small when communicating about sexual intimacy. If you and your spouse struggle to talk about this area of your marriage, begin with little steps. Here are a few ways to open up:
- Checking in regularly: Set aside time regularly to check in with your spouse about your emotional and physical needs. These conversations don’t have to be long or formal, but they provide an opportunity to ensure you’re both on the same page.
- Choose the Right Moment: Timing and setting matter when discussing sensitive topics. Pick a calm, distraction-free time when you both feel relaxed and can focus on each other.
- Use Resources: If you’re not sure how to start the conversation, tools like Every Love Intimates offer resources such as a “pleasure planner” that helps guide couples through discussions about their desires, needs, and how to prioritize sexual sexual intimacy in their relationship.
Vulnerability is an essential part of any conversation about sexual intimacy. It can be difficult to express your needs, especially if you’re unsure how your spouse will respond. However, Alex and Kadi emphasized that vulnerability is key to deeper sexual sexual intimacy. When you share your fears, needs, or even discomforts, you allow your spouse to better understand you and build trust. When couples are vulnerable with each other, they create a space of safety where sexual intimacy can thrive.
Effective communication requires effort and practice. To help couples build stronger communication around sexual intimacy, Alex and Kadi offered some practical tips:
- Be Honest About Your Needs: Share your needs clearly, but also listen to your spouse’s needs. Honest, two-way communication is crucial for improving sexual intimacy. As Kadi shared, it wasn’t until she started being honest with Alex about what she needed that they began to see improvements in their relationship.
- Set Expectations Together: Having a conversation about expectations—whether it’s about frequency, emotional connection, or physical needs—can help ensure you’re both on the same page.
- Pray Together: Prayer is a powerful tool for growing in sexual sexual intimacy. Praying together as a couple invites God into your relationship and strengthens your spiritual connection.
- Make It a Habit: Don’t wait until problems arise to start talking about sexual intimacy. Make communication a regular part of your marriage. The more you talk openly about your needs and desires, the easier it becomes to maintain a strong, intimate connection.
For many Christian couples, the challenge of talking about sexual intimacy stems from past teachings about sex. While it’s true that God calls us to purity before marriage, it’s also true that sexual intimacy is a beautiful gift meant to be celebrated within marriage. Genesis 2:24 reminds us, "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh."
However, despite this, many couples struggle to prioritize sexual intimacy in their marriages. Between work, family, and other responsibilities, it’s easy for sexual intimacy to take a back seat. But Alex and Kadi’s story reminds us that this part of marriage is worth fighting for, and communication is essential to it. By talking openly, sharing vulnerably, and praying together, we can grow closer to our spouses and experience the fullness of sexual intimacy that God intended for marriage.
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/fizkes
Aaron and Jennifer Smith recognize the beauty and power of how God designed every marriage unique. We are passionate about encouraging couples to set their eyes on God while boldly asking the question, “God, what can our marriage do for you?” In our books, we share personal stories of failure and victory from our own marriage while pointing to the wisdom in God’s Holy Word. We have been married for over 16 years and are currently raising five young children, and we are no strangers to the enemy’s attack on marriage. We hope to equip you to be prepared, inspired, and encouraged to live boldly, chasing after God’s purposes together. Ever since we got married, we have purposed to serve God and build His kingdom together. We blog, write books, and host a weekly podcast urging couples to say yes to God and to be used by God for His extraordinary purposes.