Did I Marry the Wrong Person?
By: Amanda Idleman
Genesis 2:24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
If our catchy title prompted you to meet me here to wrestle with the place you have found yourself in your marriage, don’t worry; you aren’t alone. I’m confessing to you that this little nagging thought has lived in my mind over the past few years of my marriage: Did I choose poorly? Are we just too incompatible? Maybe I’m too broken to be the wife I’m supposed to be? Is he wrong for me?
I’ve struggled with doubt and sometimes even feelings of regret, even though I love my husband deeply. He is a good man, and he also loves me. Nonetheless, we are both imperfect people and often fail to love each other well. When our attitudes, blindspots, anger, and miscommunication lead us down a path full of conflict, it’s easy to wonder how we got here in the first place.
Time changes people. More than 20 years into knowing and loving each other, we are very different people from when we started out when we were babies in love. The task of remaining faithful to each other over a lifetime is an ongoing evolution. That reality reveals one truth: we can never really answer the question: Did I marry the wrong person? Because it considers a person that no longer is. All we have in our marriages is who we are together now, and it’s a continual choice to cling to each other by God’s grace in every new season and with all the changes that come into our lives.
A better question is how can I choose to love my spouse today, as God has commanded me to do, and how can I be the best partner to my spouse. We need to throw out questions that cast doubt on our call to love each other well. Meditating on the “what ifs” rather than the “what nows” is a tactic that the enemy uses to bring division which leads to separation in our homes.
What do we need from each other now, in this season? No matter where we’ve been, we need to have a healthy place to go.
We must be honest. Honesty is the bedrock of a trusting relationship, and to remain close, we must always share our lives freely with one another.
We must be committed to a lifetime of forgiveness. You and your spouse will never get everything about loving each other well right. There will always be failures, miscommunications, and unmet expectations that you will need to plow through together. The moment we stop being willing to forgive is the moment our marriage starts to fade and we also are no longer fulfilling our vow to love one another as Jesus does. In God’s kingdom forgiveness is mandatory.
We must live by faith. Marriage is a covenant relationship between husband, wife, and with our God. We need God’s Spirit alive and active in our lives to remain faithful and true in our relationships. When hard moments come, it’s God who holds us together and shows us the way forward.
We build a healthy community that encourages our marriage. We need others who will cheer us on, remind us that our spouse is for us, and that God has good plans for us when we face challenges. Honestly, who you talk to about your marriage struggles can either make or break you. I am confident that our “village” has held us together when we were falling apart. They prayed for us and had the faith and wise counsel we needed when we were running out of steam.
Let’s Pray
God, thank you for giving my spouse as a GOOD gift to me! Help me to have eyes to see them as a blessing, an asset, and as a partner. Remove any lies about our compatibility from my mind. Let me follow your commandment to love my husband or wife and be faithful to them. Give me grace to forgive today and for all the days ahead. Help us choose each other anew today by your strength. Renew the love you have given us. Amen.
Amanda Idleman is a writer whose passion is to encourage others to live joyfully. She writes devotions for My Daily Bible Verse Devotional and Podcast, Crosswalk Couples Devotional, the Daily Devotional App, she has work published with Her View from Home, on the MOPS Blog, and is a regular contributor for Crosswalk.com. She has most recently published a devotional, Comfort: A 30 Day Devotional Exploring God's Heart of Love for Mommas. You can find out more about Amanda on her Facebook Page or follow her on Instagram.
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