Why Your In-Laws Shouldn't Be Your Biggest Enemies
By: Vivian Bricker
"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another" (John 13:34).
It is very common for married couples to dislike their in-laws. This is a trend I have seen too often and it makes me feel pretty bad, to be honest. In-laws are extended family. They shouldn't be our biggest enemies. Growing up, I saw how much my mom disliked my dad's side of the family and my dad disliked my mom's side of the family. This led me to think disliking your in-laws was a rite of passage.
Now that I'm older, I have learned how unhealthy this is. If you are married, you need to respect and genuinely love your in-laws. Meeting up with them for special events, holidays, and surprise get-togethers shouldn't be a dreadful occasion. Instead, it should be a happy occasion when you get to see your in-laws. If it isn't, there are many things we need to ask ourselves.
-Do I dislike my in-laws?
-If I do dislike my in-laws, what caused this dislike?
-Do my in-laws dislike me?
-Is there any proof that my in-laws dislike me?
-How can I navigate this in a way to honor God?
When we answer these questions honestly, we will be able to move forward. Many of us might find that there is no reason to dislike our in-laws, and the current resentment we feel about them is a learned behavior. By truly getting to know our in-laws and understanding that they are people just like us, we will be less likely to not like them. After all, they are the love of our lives' parents.
However, even if we have bitter feelings toward our in-laws because of something they said or did, we need to take the higher road. God doesn't want us to return evil with evil, but rather with blessing (1 Peter 3:9). In doing so, we will bring glory to God and demonstrate His love in our actions. Our in-laws will see our kindness and love, which might even change their behaviors toward us in the future.
Nonetheless, many of us might find that our in-laws have done nothing to warrant our dislike of them. Similar to how my parents operated, it was a learned behavior. Generation after generation, the wife didn't like her husband's parents, and the husband didn't like his wife's parents. This caused an inter-generational problem that resulted in in-laws not liking or approving of each other for a long time. The good news is that we can break this cycle.
We don't have to continue to live at odds with our in-laws. In truth, they will continue to be a huge part of our lives until we pass away. This is why it is important to start seeing our in-laws as family rather than our sworn enemies. By doing this, we will see that our relationship with them will drastically change for the better.
This can all be accomplished by following the Lord's teachings. Jesus tells us, "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another" (John 13:34). As Jesus says here, we are to love one another. Just as He has loved us, we are to love one another. When the Lord instructs us with this teaching, He is not saying we are only to love select individuals. Rather, we are to love all people, including our in-laws.
Loving others will cover a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8). By loving others as Jesus has loved us, we will be able to truly follow Him. His love for us will show up in our actions, and we will extend His love to others. Even if our in-laws are difficult, they are not our enemies. The only enemy we have is the devil. The sooner we know this, the better off we will be.
Choose to love your in-laws rather than hate them. They are part of your family now and are your spouse's parents. Just as you wouldn't want your spouse to hate your parents, don't hate theirs. In-laws are not our enemies. By working together and loving one another as Jesus commands, we will be able to build a strong family and overcome any obstacles.
"Dear Jesus, for far too long, I have seen my in-laws as my enemies. Please help me to stop doing this. They are part of my family, and I love them. Help me to love them as You instruct and to always be kind. Thank You for loving me, Lord, and showing me what real love looks like. In Your Name, I pray, Amen."
Vivian Bricker obtained a Bachelor of Arts in Ministry, followed by a Master of Arts with an emphasis in theology. She loves all things theology, mission work, and helping others learn about Jesus. Find more of her content at Cultivate: https://cultivatechristianity.wordpress.com/.
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