The Secret to Loving Your Spouse Well
By: Rhonda Stoppe
"Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out into our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us." (Romans 5:5 NKJV)
When we first met Von and Molly, we were intrigued by how they loved each other. As newlyweds, we had observed the relationship qualities of many Christian couples, but there was something different about Von and Molly. They truly enjoyed one another. As we got to know them better, we learned that they had endured some painful experiences in their past—including the birth of a severely handicapped daughter. Yet, they remained joyful, happy, content, and so much fun to be around. Their warmth and positivity were so captivating that we decided to go on vacation with them and their small children, eager to deepen our friendship and gain firsthand insights into how they lovingly navigated their daily lives. We had to know their secret, and they were more than willing to mentor us during our early years of marriage.
What's Their Secret?
Have you ever encountered a couple whose love for each other remains strong through life's highs and lows? Doesn't it make you wish for a relationship like theirs? What's their secret to lasting love?
While observing such couples, you might find yourself thinking, "They are so lucky to have such an amazing spouse. I wish my partner was more like theirs." The intriguing discovery is that the key to their joyful marriage doesn't stem from their "ideal" qualities as partners. Instead, it lies in a love that transcends their affection for one another. Here is the secret I don't want you to miss: a marriage thrives when both partners cherish Christ above all else, even more than they value each other.
In Mark 12:30, Jesus emphasizes that the foremost purpose in life is to love God with every aspect of your being. Do you love God in that way? As a young Christian, my response would have been, "Absolutely, I love God!" I would have cited my busy schedule serving Him as proof of that love. Yet, whenever I met someone who genuinely embodied a profound love for Jesus, I could see that their love for Him was different from my own. These were people whose lives weren't driven by a checklist of religious duties for God; instead, their immense love for Christ overflowed into a natural love for others.
Have you ever encountered someone like that? You know the type of people I'm referring to. Just a brief interaction with them reveals the genuine love they hold in their hearts for their Savior. You might be thinking, "Those are God's MVPs. The rest of us just somehow survive day to day." But the truth is that this deep, genuine love is accessible to anyone who has a relationship with God through His Son, Jesus.[1] It's what our faith is meant to look like. When you commit your heart to loving Christ, His love will naturally overflow from you, touching the lives of those around you—especially your spouse.
Can I share a little secret with you? Relying on your spouse to fulfill your happiness is an unrealistic expectation. They will never be able to provide you with genuine joy. Your purpose in life isn't solely to seek happiness within your marriage, despite what every fairy tale you grew up with may have led you to believe.
Pay attention to this important point: you were designed to find joy in your Creator. God intended for you to desire a close relationship with Him, to find your worth in Him. As a result, any other relationship you seek in an attempt to satisfy the longing that only God can fulfill will ultimately fall short.
The secret to cultivating unconditional love for your spouse and finding joy and satisfaction in your marriage does not depend on how effectively your spouse meets your expectations but on the depth of your love for God. Loving selfishly is inherent to our human nature; we're all born with selfish tendencies. God extends His supernatural love to those who truly love Him, offering hope for authentic love to anyone willing to follow Christ. As stated in Romans 5:5, "…the love of God has been poured out into our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us."
Loving your spouse well transcends mere emotions or fleeting feelings. You are empowered to love each other through God's love even when your partner falls short of your expectations. Consider these Scriptures:
"Above all things put on love, which is the bond of perfection. Above all things have fervent love for one another, for love will cover a multitude of sins." (Colossians 3:14; 1 Peter 4:8).
"Father, thank you for the love You pour into my heart. Please help me learn to love You so deeply that Your selfless love spills over into how I express love to my spouse. Please forgive me for loving selfishly. Please love my mate through me. Please use the testimony of our love to draw others to want to know You, beginning with our own children. Amen."
[1]For more details on building a relationship with God through Jesus, please request the article entitled "How to Have a Relationship with Jesus." @ RhondaStoppe.com/contact.
Rhonda Stoppe is a best-selling Christian author of seven books. With 40 years of experience in helping women build no regrets lives, Rhonda has become a highly sought after voice in the Christian living community. She has written hundreds of articles for Crosswalk.com and other popular magazines. Rhonda has appeared on The 700 Club, 100 Huntley Street, Family Life Today, Dobson’s Family Talk, and her interviews at Focus on the Family have been named in their Best Of Episodes 2021 & 2023. “I could have listened to Rhonda talk all night,” is what listeners say. Her speaking platform includes: Homeschool conferences, (MOPs) MomCo, MomCon, Legacy Grandparenting Summit and more. She is the host of the award-winning podcast, Old Ladies Know Stuff. Rhonda has over 40 years experience as a pastor’s wife, speaker, mom coach, marriage mentor, mother of four–and did we mention she’s a grandmother of 15! Find out more about Rhonda at NoRegretsWoman.com.
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