I think the first time I experienced an unexplained sensation of dread and life-interrupting anxiety was in college. I must have started feeling stressed, which taxed my mind and body. Out of the blue I was experiencing terrifying, life-like nightmares which spilled over into a sense of fearfulness that covered my waking hours.
Over time my fearfulness eased as I graduated and settled into life as a young newly married couple. Then after the birth of my second son this anxiety – and eventual struggle with its friend depression – covered me like a big black cloud. I was scared to do laundry, leave my house, stay in my house, drive. Basically, intrusive fearful thoughts infringed on every part of my life. Soon the sense of dread was accompanied by terrifying dreams and panic attacks. I was at the mercy of my overrun mind and body. The battle was real.
An accompanying complication to my struggle was a lack of understanding about what was happening to me. My only framework for mental health struggles was that it was a failure of faith. I wasn’t trusting God enough to keep the fear at bay and to avoid the ugly grip of depression. Instead of pursuing treatment I was riddled with confusion and shame. How could someone who loved Jesus not be able to live with peace?
Thankfully Jesus is kind and I went on a long journey that spanned over eight years to find freedom, not only from anxiety and depression, but from the shame that I felt for this disorder. Here are some of the lessons I have learned on this crazy journey:
1. Our Mind, Body, and Spirit Are All Connected
God calls us to be stewards of our body because he knows that if we are suffering it becomes harder to run this race of faith well.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 tells us, “Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.”
It took me a long time to understand that my physical body was suffering, which was the catalyst for the clinical level of anxiety and depression I was experiencing. My symptoms were not a result of a lack of faith but the result of an untreated health issue. Just as a diabetic needs insulin, those with high blood pressure take medication, and those with cancer seek treatment I also needed assistance in getting the correct levels of serotonin to my brain so I could experience the world in a healthy way.
For me, finding freedom from these ailments required a multi-faceted approach that combined medication, diet change, regular exercise, caring for my nervous system, talking to a therapist, and better managing my stress. Each person has their own unique path to healing, but when we recognize that anxiety and depression are a symptom of an imbalanced body, we can start working towards healing and let go of the shame that wants to hold us back.
2. We Need a Village
One of the lies that goes along with intrusive thoughts that inspire anxiety or depression is that we are alone in our struggle. Shame keeps us locked up and alone right in the moment that we need others to help us find our way out of the web we are stuck in. Anxiety and depression should not be taboo in Christian circles. We should feel safe to share our real-life struggles with others. When we do, the burden we are carrying grows so much lighter!
Colossians 3:12-15 says, “Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.”
When we bear with one another, it’s so much easier to let the peace of Christ rule in our hearts. One barrier to feeling safe in sharing our struggle is that much of the church treats this condition as a moral failure rather than a treatable struggle. As we begin to change the narrative in our church communities about how we approach our mental health, there will be more opportunities for people to freely share their struggle. This leads to a more supported and clear path forward. We need the wisdom of others who are not stuck to help us see the next right step for our lives.
3. Learn to Trust God to Lead Us towards Healing
Anxiety and depression are life-stealing conditions and God desires we find freedom from them. He is on our side! I think for me I felt like this struggle was my own defect, and somehow this made me feel like I needed to overcome this struggle on my own. Of course, that is not at all biblical, but sometimes when we feel shame we are inclined to hide our worst parts from others and from God.
Once I realized that God was on my side, and he wants me to live with freedom from this chronic condition, I was able to hear his guiding voice in my life. I needed to humble myself and seek his wisdom. Sadly, it took me a long time to take this posture. But he is patient. For me, I felt God gave me the peace to try medication which completely relieved my symptoms once I let go of the need to fix the situation my way.
Mark 14:35-36 explains, “And going a little farther, he fell on the ground and prayed that, if it were possible, the hour might pass from him. And he said, ‘Abba, Father, all things are possible for you. Remove this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.’”
Jesus had to surrender his life to his Father for us. We also have to surrender our pride and be open to doing the work he calls us to when it comes to health. Oftentimes examining our mental health means examining our trauma, triggers, and hurts. It’s a scary process and we have to trust that God will lead us towards healing, even in the messy middle.
4. Rest Is Part of God’s Path towards Healing
One reason our bodies fail is because we push them too hard! When I had infants, I pushed my body harder than I ever had before. I was not sleeping, barely eating, and rest was not a part of my life. To heal, I had to learn the hard way how to embrace moments of slowness and give myself the chance to rest.
Hebrews 4:9-10 instructs, “So then, there remains a Sabbath rest for the people of God, for whoever has entered God's rest has also rested from his works as God did from his.”
We have to follow God’s template that embraces rest from our work as a part of our regular rhythm. Healing can include intentionally finding better ways to manage stress or stepping away from stressors if you can. It can be sharing the load with other people in your life so you have the chance to pursue the things you need to recover. We should not feel ashamed of our need for rest. In fact, when we fail to rest, we are failing to be obedient to God’s word.
As I’ve grown older, I’ve had to come to terms with my limitations and recognize that fact that my body needs constant care or it starts to break down. It’s an ongoing struggle to keep life in balance, but once we embrace God’s plan for sabbath, we can live healthier lives.
Photo credit: ©Getty Images/sdominick
Amanda Idleman is a writer whose passion is to encourage others to live joyfully. She writes devotions for My Daily Bible Verse Devotional and Podcast, Crosswalk Couples Devotional, the Daily Devotional App, she has work published with Her View from Home, on the MOPS Blog, and is a regular contributor for Crosswalk.com. She has most recently published a devotional, Comfort: A 30 Day Devotional Exploring God's Heart of Love for Mommas. You can find out more about Amanda on her Facebook Page or follow her on Instagram.