Dr. Gary Rosberg speaks to men …
“Don’t just pretend that you love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Stand on the side of the good. Love each other with genuine affections, and take delight in honoring each other” (Romans 12:9-10).
What a powerful passage! As unnatural as it is to put others above ourselves, God calls us to serve others, especially our mate. He calls us to this even when we’re tired, hungry, frustrated and empty.
After a few years of marriage, both Robert and Nancy became unsatisfied and discouraged in their average marriage. There was no spark, the demands of a family consumed their lives, and they were just too tired to think about each other.
It wasn’t until they began to search the scriptures and realized God’s true desire for marriage that they became fulfilled. Robert began to get his arms around the biblical truths and realized that by loving Nancy sacrificially, she would in turn respond to him with serving love. Nancy started to trust Robert in a way she never would have imagined. Robert and Nancy now say, “Our goal is to outdo the other. Our marriage is a 100 percent commitment to serving God and each other.”
What’s even tougher is initiating servanthood. As husbands, we need to be the ones to set the pace. Why? Because when you do, you will find that your wife becomes increasingly secure in responding to your serving heart and the relationship is doubly strengthened.
If you’re like me, I need all the help I can get, so here are a few ideas to honor your bride:
1. Share with others how important she is to you. Nothing validates a woman more than to be publicly appreciated.
2. Eat together. I know this may sound simple, but it is one item that can be pushed off the priority list.
3. Do the little things. A simple task of filling up the car when it’s on “E” will show your love to her.
God wants us to consider the needs of our spouse more important than our own. When you meet your spouse’s needs sacrificially, you are being “God with skin on.” This is God’s design! Next to serving Christ, our greatest ambition should be to become the best husbands we can. Let’s learn from Robert’s experience and truly become God’s instrument of serving.
Barbara Rosberg speaks to women …
When you said “I do,” a large part of your marriage dream, whether conscious or subconscious, was probably that your new soul mate would understand and meet your basic human needs. You wanted someone who was sensitive to your needs as a woman and to your unique personality needs.
Have those expectations been realized? Are you experiencing serving, need-meeting love? If your answer is “no” or “not very often,” you may wonder if it is really possible for spouses to serve each other with such deep understanding and willingness.
The answer is, “Yes!” I realize it’s not human nature to be other-centered, to purposely take a lower place to honor another. But that’s what God calls both a husband and wife to do. We need to be clear that servanthood doesn’t mean a bondage of slavery. God’s kind of serving love flows from choice not coercion, from strength not weakness, from gladness not guilt. It’s positively liberating!
God calls us in Philippians 2 to show the same serving love Jesus shows for others: “Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? Any comfort from His love? Any fellowship together in the Spirit? Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one heart and purpose. Don’t be selfish; don’t live to make a good impression on others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourself. Don’t think only about your own affairs, but be interested in others, too, and what they are doing.”
We can never manage the level of serving love Jesus demonstrated, but serving love starts with the strength of Jesus — in the encouragement, comfort and fellowship of a personal relationship with him. And if you are growing in these qualities, you are beginning to imitate his servant heart.
Here are a few ideas to get you started:
1. Allow your husband to be himself. Don’t assume he will think, do, or feel as you do. Allow him that freedom.
2. Make a list of his favorites (dinner, dessert, TV program, etc.). Make sure he gets to enjoy those occasionally.
3. Lift a burden. Ask if you can take something off his to-do list.
If you want a relationship characterized by intimate understanding and mutual honor, begin humbly serving your husband. You won’t be disappointed with how it will change your marriage!
Portions of this article were adapted from Divorce-Proof Your Marriage, Copyright 2002 by Dr. Gary and Barbara Rosberg, all rights reserved. Published by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., www.tyndale.com. To order this resource or to find our more about America’s Family Coaches, visit www.afclive.com or call 1-888-ROSBERG. For more information about the Divorce-Proofing America’s Marriages campaign logon to www.divorceproof.com.
[insert tag copy and graphic from "Make It Count" article]