“I’m bored!” Well, whose fault is that? The only people interested in entertaining you are those who get paid for it; otherwise, you are pretty much on your own.
Life is a party you create; don’t wait to be invited to one. I’m sure if we were on an episode of Family Feud with the question things singles are guilty of, we would hear the host happily quip, “Survey says … They put their lives on hold!”
Even I have to put up a guilty finger on this one. Thank heaven this season of my life is over and I finally got a clue. The only thing that should be reserved for marriage is sex (but we’ll talk about that later). Otherwise, it’s time to let the games begin. Stop waiting for someone else to make your life happen. There is an endless world of possibilities for pleasure and fulfilling living at your fingertips. Fortunately, as a single person all your resources are yours to invest into living the life you want without having to check with anyone else. This makes for options and opportunities that are sure to be the envy of your married friends. There is no time like the present to enjoy what you might not be able to do tomorrow because of different priorities.
What does a no-holds-barred life look like? It’s downright exciting. I repeatedly tell people I meet to finish this statement: “I’ve always wanted to _______________.” Well, what’s stopping you? Certainly your excuse should not be “Because I have no man.” Until that blessed addition to your life shows up to claim you, your life should be full of fulfilling activities and amazing experiences that broaden you intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually as a person. In other words, get a life. Get one that will make you interesting and intriguing to others. A well-lived life full of passion and interests is like a magnet. It will draw other exciting people to you. So go ahead and mix it up.
First, break out of your regular routine. In order to have new experiences, you have to do new things. If your weekly routine is work, church, and back home, there is a lot of room for improvement. Select activities that interest you or pull you out of your comfort zone and stretch you. Remember, if you choose things that really interest you, chances are there will be other people there with the same interests, which make for fertile ground to meet your ideal mate. According to Dr. Neil Clark Warren, founder of eHarmony.com, the more things two people have in common, the greater their chances are of having a lasting relationship.
“Well, what kinds of things do you suggest, Michelle?” I suggest you experiment with anything that makes you curious; involves self-improvement; or adds to your skill sets, community involvement, or charitable ventures. Get active in areas you are concerned about. Check out an area which addresses what you feel you are lacking in your life. For instance, if the alarm on your biological clock is on full tilt sound off, why not consider mentoring children? Get involved with children’s church or a youth program. Stop insisting on one way to have personal fulfillment and broaden your scope.
Take a class in an area of interest. From fun to educational, it’s a great way to stretch beyond your present boundaries, increase your knowledge, and meet interesting people. Let me interject here that you might need to think outside of your religious box. A lot of us have a very unhealthy opinion of what holiness looks like, and holiness often ends up looking boring. I do not believe Jesus was boring by any stretch of the imagination. He was very social and always up for attending a good dinner, banquet, wedding, or celebration. His circle of friends and associates was an eclectic mix—from the very wealthy to the socially unacceptable. The Pharisees were appalled by the company He kept and the places He went. They accused Him of drinking and eating too much, but He had an interesting life, to say the least. The most unlikely people embraced Him and His teaching because of His friendly influence. Remember, your life has to look attractive in order for others to want to join you. You, like Jesus, will have to think outside of the religious box in order to have a life filled with excitement and fulfillment.
That being said, check your motives for why you do what you do and go where you go. Is it because you think you will meet the mate of your dreams or is it because you are truly interested in what that class or activity has to offer you personally? It should be all about you first. The motive should not be meeting someone. Trust me. Ruth was not thinking about meeting Boaz or any other man when she went gleaning. Her total focus was eating and surviving, and she still got a rich man out of the deal! (Ruth 2-4). Meeting someone should be the by-product of what you do, not the primary goal. In the meantime, get ready to expand your personal breadth as a person.
What other dreams do you have? What are some things you want to acquire? Don’t wait for a man to come and buy you jewelry and trinkets; set a standard for them to follow. Acquire a nice piece that signals you are a woman of quality. I don’t know about you, but holding out for my knight in shining armor to show up, marry me, and buy a house is way past due. As the birthdays started adding up, I took the plunge and bought a home. I was cautioned against it by a well-meaning friend, who suggested that I should wait to purchase a home because buying one said I had “settled in” and given up the notion of ever being married. This simply was not the case. I felt it was wisdom for me to purchase a piece of property. Married or not, to give away money (and that is what you are doing when you are renting) was not being a good steward of what God had blessed me with. The more practical outlook is that I now would have something to bring to my marriage whenever it comes to fruition. Real estate is one of the best investments you can make for a guaranteed increase in return. When my husband shows up, we will buy another house and have equity toward our future. Begin to think of ways you can add to your financial collateral on your own. It certainly sweetens your position as a newlywed. Every girl should have a dowry of sorts to share at will or simply to maximize her own security.
What about trips to exotic places? Why wait to have a romance in order to go? Perhaps romance is waiting for you there. Are you getting this? This is about making your life happen. When that man comes into your life, he should have to interrupt some things. The opposite of that situation is that you will completely overwhelm him by being too available and desperate for his attention to fill the gaps in your life. What a turnoff! Have you ever had a man who liked you waaaay more than you liked him? You couldn’t get rid of him. He wanted all your time. What was your response? You were just not that into him, right? As a matter of fact, you ran from him as though he were the plague. He was too needy, not intriguing enough, and perhaps even a little bit scary. Well, consider that in reverse. Are you grasping why your life has to happen first before you meet a man?
Taken from How to Avoid the 10 Mistakes Single Women Make by Michelle McKinney Hammond; Copyright 2006 by Michelle McKinney Hammond; Published by Harvest House Publishers, Eugene, OR; Used by Permission.
Michelle McKinney Hammond, a writer, singer, and speaker who focuses on improving love-driven relationships, is the founder and president of HeartWing Ministries as well as the co-host of the Emmy nominated show Aspiring Women. Michelle is the author of The DIVA Principle™, 101 Ways to Get and Keep His Attention and Sassy, Single, & Satisfied (more than 185,000 copies sold).