10 Components of Romantic Chemistry

1. Stolen Glances

What woman doesn’t like catching her man staring at her? Not in a creepy way, of course, nor in a “when is she going to do something different with her hair” sort of way; rather, because he is smitten. Because he can’t help himself. Or, for the guys, because she simply likes what she sees.

One would think that after 22 years of marriage, couples have had their fill of stolen glances—but not so fast. The other day, I caught my husband watching me as I absentmindedly scrolled Netflix. When I asked him why, he said, “No reason; you just have a nice profile.”

Something in us likes being seen. We long to be stolen-glance worthy. The good news is, no matter our current “romantic chemistry” status, we are pleasing to the eye, for we are seen—and deeply loved—by our Creator (Genesis 16:13).

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2. Sense of Humor

We’re more likely to have chemistry with people who make us feel good. Few things delight us more than being around someone with a sense of humor. And since romance should always be positive, a good laugh fans the flames of all things playful and upbeat. 

But what if it’s one-sided? Or what if neither person in the relationship has a funny bone? Why, humor can still abound! As I ponder the comedic state of my own relationship, I figure as long as my husband and I have similar tastes in what’s funny, we’re off the hook for having to be funny. So we surround ourselves with funny people and watch funny shows—and have a blast!

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3. Physical Attraction

While physical attraction isn’t the only contributing factor to romantic chemistry, by golly, it certainly helps. As much as we enjoy patting ourselves on the back for taking the more “noble” route, convincing ourselves that the outward appearance is irrelevant, do we really go to the gym only for the health benefits?

Even the Bible doesn’t shy away from talking about physical beauty: David was hot (1 Samuel 16:12); Joseph was hot (Genesis 39:6); Sarah was hot (Genesis 12:11)— good-looking people who God also praised in Hebrews 11 for having great faith.

But as the saying goes, “beauty is in the eye of the beholder,”—attraction can come out of nowhere, for love always sees beauty; thus making it worth the effort to give physical chemistry a chance to blossom. 

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4. Self-Confidence

Self-confident people—not to be confused with self-absorbed people—are among the most attractive people on earth. A person who is a go-getter, one who stands up to bullies, pursues that promotion, and holds to their beliefs, has a major wow-factor when it comes to captivating the opposite sex.

Look at Abigail in 1 Samuel 25. She simultaneously saved her people from destruction while making sure David and his men were fed and cared for. More than her kindness, it was her confidence—her decisive and courageous actions—that had David coming back for her . . . and with a marriage proposal.

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5. Maintaining a Little Mystery

This component of romantic chemistry holds especially true during the beginning stages of a relationship. There’s something alluring about two people who gradually disclose personal information about each other. Maintaining such mystery is sure to create intrigue, thus increasing a couple’s desire to come back for seconds, thirds, and so on! 

Think back to a time when  a potential partner revealed too much too soon. For many of us, his or her transparency was a bit much. Being told the juicy details of her past break-ups, or the suspicious mole the doctor found on his buttocks, is last on the list of “things to know” on a first date.

And why can’t a little mystery continue well into marriage? Just today my husband told me he thinks tiny nose rings are cute. Not a bull-nose-ring, rather a mini diamond stud that sparkles. Here I’ve known the man almost 25 years—and I had no idea! What new thing might I discover tomorrow? 

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6. Desire for More Interaction

Couples who like being together, no matter if they’re on a couch, in a plane, or at a pharmacy, clearly can’t get enough of each other. They are people who enjoy creating experiences and making memories, who wouldn’t mind sharing every blanket, milkshake, and kiss. And whether they are openly lovey-dovey, or simply comfortable in each other’s presence after years of companionship, their connection is undeniable.

It’s true that time away is part of every relationship. But sparks indeed fly when two people desire to be together, even when they’re not together. And for those who aren’t feeling it, who would rather be alone than go on a date with their guy or gal, can ask God “to do something new,” creating “rivers in the dry wasteland” that is their relationship (Isaiah 43:19).

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7. Ease of Communication

We’ve all seen romantic comedies where the banter between the two romantic leads was effortless—and we couldn’t take our eyes off them. We even checked our phones to see if they’re a couple in real life. Even though their clever dialogue was scripted, their witty lines memorized, we found ourselves enthralled at their communication skills and onscreen chemistry.

I think it’s safe to say that most of us have had a Hollywood-esque, chemistry-filled chat session with at least one person in our lifetime; no fancy script required! Some of us remember staying up all hours of the night talking to that person, amazed at how naturally conversation flowed. There’s no getting around it: stimulating conversation and romantic chemistry go hand in hand.  

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8. Common Interests

It’s no surprise that people fall for each other at churches, sport events, concerts, and yes, even gaming conventions. Why? Because the sharing of common interests leads to a feeling of being understood by the other person, which is essential for relational bonding. 

The old saying, “opposites attract,” doesn’t hold a candle to the fire produced when two people enjoy the same things. While it’s true that opposite personality traits bring balance to a partnership, nothing unifies two people like a shared love for British period dramas, basset hounds, or finding the perfect burger. 

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9. Noticing Goodness

Our list wouldn’t be complete without recognizing the warm-and-fuzzy feeling we get when we catch our main squeeze performing a good deed. Sure it’s great being in a relationship with someone who’s athletic, resourceful, and a great kisser—but also throw in kind, thoughtful, and gracious? Yes, please.

A few birthdays ago, my husband was given a hundred dollar bill. I didn’t know this at the time, but as it lay tucked-away in his wallet, he couldn’t stop thinking about the homeless man he saw every morning walking into his workplace. He eventually told me about the man, how he thought he should give the money to him, and I swooned!  

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10. Shared Faith

Out of the many aspects to romantic chemistry, having a shared faith in God tops them all. He is the root, the one who sustains everything. And when people cut themselves off from the root and only focus on the plant—on the “flowers” of sex, common interests, sense of humor, and so forth—their relationship will struggle to become everything God intended.

But when two people agree that God’s plan for them includes passion, laughter, stolen glances, easy conversation, and time together—confident that God is behind every “good and perfect gift” (James 1:17)—their chemistry will be off the charts.

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Molly Parker cherishes her role as contributor and editor for Anchored Press Devotional Planners and for Sacred Holidays Bible studies. When Molly's not French-braiding hair or scolding her basset hound, she's eating cake, baking a cake, or thinking about cake, which is surprising considering she's worked in the fitness industry 25 years. Molly lives in Southern California with her husband and three children.