10 Little Ways a Husband Can Show His Wife She is Loved

1. Tell her.

This may seem like a no-brainer, but the easiest way to show your wife she is loved is with your words. 

Psychologist and relationship expert Zach Brittle writes on the importance of those three little words on for the Gottman Institute: “It’s important to say, ‘I love you.’ One of the early signs that a relationship is failing is that couples stop telling each other.” 

He goes on describe what Dr. John and Julie Gottman call the Positive Sentiment Override (PSO). Just as a multitude of sins can erode a relationship, building up a bank of positive sentiment can help your marriage survive conflict. Regularly saying “I love you” from the heart is putting a fortifying deposit in the bank and will strengthen your marriage long-term.

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2. Write her notes or send her texts.

I’m privileged to be married to my high school sweetheart. I remember back in the day, coming to my car after baseball practice, and seeing my wife (to-be) had left a note under my wiper blade. When she’d stay after school for meetings or practices, I’d do the same. It was a bright spot in our days. 

That was a long time ago, and the notes aren’t nearly as frequent. They’ve given way to random texts just to say “hey.” The point is making an effort to remind your wife that she is always on your mind. The message and the method may be simple, but the impact will be felt in your marriage. As business folks say, it’ll be a good “return on investment.”

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3. Hug and kiss her.

According to Psychology Today, touch is fundamental to developing and growing romantic relationships. “Tactile physical affection is highly correlated with overall relationship and partner satisfaction.” That’s a science-y way of reminding us not to neglect physical affection… especially touch outside of the bedroom. 

Dr. Kevin Leman wrote a book called “Sex Begins in the Kitchen” in which he writes that “genuine intimacy is developed in the small acts of touching in the kitchen, or walking through a mall together hand in hand, or sitting close together on the sofa watching television.”

I’ll be the first to admit that this is a struggle for me. I’m not a physical touch kind of guy. My wife and I talk about this one a lot. But, I know that it’s important to her, so it needs to become a priority for me if I want my wife to truly feel loved.

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4. Do things for her.

This is what Gary Chapman, author of the bestselling book The 5 Love Languages calls “acts of service.” This is when you do something for your spouse that she would want you to do – without being asked to do it.

You’ve heard the saying “actions speak louder than words.” It doesn’t diminish the value of words. We’ve already established that words matter. The point is, rather, that we communicate the value of our spouses by what we do, or don’t do. We can easily say “I love you” by committing each week to do something for our significant others. Just as faith without action is dead (James 2:26), love words without acts of kindness to back them up are relatively meaningless.

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5. Consider her before yourself.

Every successful marriage needs two selfless people, each valuing the needs of their spouse above their own. In the presence of love, there’s no room for selfish ambition. For real love isn’t envious, boastful, arrogant, rude, irritable or resentful. “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (1 Corinthians 13:7). 

Every decision made in the marriage should take the other person into account. It's hard find words that describe the amount of love I have for my wife. But if there's one thing I know that is too prevalent in my own marriage, it's me.

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6. Care for her.

We are reminded in Ephesians 5:28 that we should love and care for our wives the same way we do our own bodies or selves. Bob Lepine from Family Life Today says it this way: “A husband nourishes his wife by caring for her physical, spiritual, and emotional needs. He shows her that he cherishes her when he makes her a priority and regularly expresses his affection, his devotion, and his commitment to her.”

We all have needs, and they vary from day to day. It could be a kind word. It could be cooking a meal or taking your wife out on a date. Or, it could be space for peace and quiet. If you see a need, step up to meet it. If your wife is having a hard day, find a way to make it easier.

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7. Listen to her.

The most important part of communicating doesn’t involve speaking; it’s listening. Your spouse wants to be heard. How can you know what he or she is feeling if you don’t take the time to listen. Many of us are too quick to interject before the person is even finished speaking. Or, we are “listening” while we are trying to do something else. 

My wife deserves my undivided attention, yet all too often I make her share space with something far less important. “… let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger” (James 1:19).

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8. Make her laugh.

I recently stumbled across this quote from Agnes Repplier, a prominent essayist in the late 1800s and early 1900s: “"We cannot really love anybody with whom we never laugh." I think it is so true, as I consider not only my marriage, but also some of my best friendships. Laughter has many benefits – physical and emotional. It lowers blood pressure, reduces stress, fights infection… and above all, just makes us feel better.

Though we can stand to improve in many areas in our marriage, I feel like laughter has always been present. My favorite times nowadays are sending GIFs back and forth via text, knowing that my wife is smiling and laughing on the other end.

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9. Give her grace every day, and forgiveness when she needs it.

We all need a little grace in our everyday lives. We need to remind ourselves to have empathy for our spouses and extend them the grace we hope they extend to us. Don’t hold onto things and let them fester. You only harm yourself. Let it go. Forgive her and move on. Extend a little grace. Ruth Bell Graham once said that a “marriage is a union of two good forgivers.” Grace and the ability to forgive are learned skills, and they are necessary in a marriage. If you aren’t there yet, ask for God’s help.

“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts… and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive” (Colossians 3:12-13).

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10. Pray for her and with her.

Prayer is foundational to the Christian life. And, it should be foundational to a Christian marriage. Praying for, and with, your spouse should be a priority. According to FamilyLife, which has surveyed thousands of participants at its marriage retreats, less than eight percent of couples pray together on a regular basis. Even fewer Christian couples (about five percent) pray together daily. Most of us don’t take the time to pray together with our spouses. But, if we would, the result would be a closer relationship with God and each other.

It has been said that a successful marriage consists of three people: husband, wife and God. Involve Him more, even in the so-called “little things” with your marriage. “Seek the Lord and his strength; seek his presence continually” (1 Chronicles 16:11).

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