10 of the Biggest Disagreements New Parents Have

1. Navigating Parenthood Together

Our first major challenge as new parents was navigating our identity as a couple. The transition into parenthood was daunting for us, given the different ways we were raised. Our differences seemed insignificant until we became parents, considering the type of upbringing we wanted for our children.

Whether you lean towards strict discipline, gentle parenting, or a blend of both, it helps to seek guidance from good parenting books and wise mentors. We found invaluable support from a couple we met at church. The wisdom shared in Titus 2 about older individuals teaching the younger holds true for good reason. I always say, "Old Ladies Know Stuff" (which happens to be the name of my podcast). Older mentors offer a unique perspective, having already navigated the challenges of parenting ––so they may provide unbiased insights. Their guidance can help you navigate the complexities of raising children. Trust me, establishing friendships with these experienced individuals trained us to parent well. In my experience, finding older mentors is a wise decision that will benefit your marriage and your children.

2. The Great Name Game

Selecting a name is a big decision, right? In our case, I wanted names that would give a unique identity to our child in a sea of common names. On the other hand, my husband preferred traditional.

Back when I was pregnant with our first child, they did not routinely schedule ultrasounds, leaving us in suspense over the baby's gender until it arrived. This meant we had to brainstorm both boy and girl names. Complicating matters was my husband's family tradition of using the father's first name as a middle name for sons––leaving me with no say in that decision. Finally, we landed on the boy name: "Aaron Steven Stoppe."

However, one night, I was going over baby names in my head. Suddenly, I sat straight up in our waterbed (google what is a waterbed if you don't know, LOL). As the bed sloshed my husband awake, I proclaimed, "We cannot name our baby Aaron Steven because his initials will be A.S.S.!" I'm laughing now, but that realization sent us back to the drawing board to find a boy's name we both liked.

If you are struggling to agree on a name, consider turning to the Lord for guidance. God already holds the perfect name for your child, so trust in His timing and seek His wisdom through prayer. In our case, upon meeting our daughter and gazing into her precious face, we both knew that she was meant to be a "Meredith." It was a unanimous decision - not Mary, but Meredith. Simple yet profound.

3. Sleep Training Differences

To cry it out or not - that is the question, right? It's hard to know what to do when your baby's fed, changed, and healthy. The bedtime tug-of-war begins when she adamantly resists drifting off to dreamland. While Dad may lean towards the approach of cradling her to sleep, Mom's opinion might differ.

I recall those challenging days when our first child suffered from colic. It was an incredibly tough time of sleepless nights and endless crying. Steve wanted to let her cry, but I longed to comfort her. Eventually, Steve heard the depth of my heart. He rocked our precious baby for hours while playing worship music, providing both of them with peace and solace.

Today, our memories of the turbulent time aren't marked by disagreement. Instead, the enduring recall of Steve passionately serenading our baby with worship music remains among our most cherished moments. Bedtime can be stressful, but remember, while figuring it out, it's a season that can draw you together as a couple when you are resolved to listen and support each other.

4. Nursing Verses Bottle Feeding

Oh, the dilemma! Whether you're dedicated to breastfeeding or considering bottle-feeding, finding a solution that works for you and your partner is crucial. I have nursed my babies for over a year, but for health reasons, we switched to bottle-feeding our youngest at four months. Remember, there's no need for mom guilt, no matter what you choose. Communication is vital - discuss the pros and cons together to reach a united decision. Don't let this become a source of stress, as that can affect your milk supply. The goal is to feed your baby healthily while maintaining harmony in your home. There's no judgment here - everyone's journey is different. Trust yourself and respect others' choices in feeding their babies.

Photo credit: ©GettyImages/AleksandarNakic

5. In-Law Interference

Navigating boundaries with in-laws, especially regarding parenting advice, requires finesse and assertiveness. With 15 grandchildren, I've made mistakes and have had to learn the importance of respecting boundaries, even if it means apologizing for overstepping.

When my husband's mother asked us not to discipline in her home, I understood her desire for a joyful environment. However, I knew consistency was key in parenting. I quietly pulled my husband aside to have a candid discussion with him, who thankfully supported me. With kindness and courage, Steve explained our values to his mother, and thankfully, she complied. I know these situations don't always resolve so easily. In my experience as a mom mentor, conflict occurs after visiting in-laws when one refuses to speak up to their parents. While it's easy to blame your spouse for not setting up boundaries, I encourage you to show compassion. When with our parents, we often revert to our childhood role. If your spouse grew up with parents who triggered or are easily offended, it's crucial to remember that childhood experiences shape our responses to such situations. Compassion and understanding go a long way in resolving conflicts. Communication and setting boundaries are essential in maintaining a healthy balance between family dynamics.

6. Baby Gear Galore

From strollers to cribs, the struggle is real. When it's your first baby, everyone has recommendations for that one item you can't live without. However, purchasing all these objects can quickly become a financial burden. It's tempting to want to splurge on everything, but the truth is that space and budget constraints often lead to conflicts.

The strain of new baby expenses combined with the need to stick to a budget can create tensions in your marriage. It's crucial to sit down together and carefully evaluate what your baby truly needs. Consider your available space and the functionality of items before making any purchases.

Seek advice from parents who live within their means. They can provide valuable insights on the essential paraphernalia to prioritize. Additionally, reach out to your experienced parent friends to see if they have any gently used baby gear you can borrow or purchase at a lower cost.

By being discerning with your purchases and seeking advice from those who have been in your shoes, you can save money and avoid unnecessary stress during this exciting time in your life.

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7. Balancing Responsibilities

Wow. How does one little human create so much laundry? Our firstborn habitually projectile vomited. This meant she would soak not just her own clothing, but also my shirt, carpet, sofa, and whatever else I didn't catch in the spray. Gross, yep. Super gross. And if you've never had a baby who spits up like that, don't judge us barf-baby mommas. Just be thankful that's not your plight. And then there's the diaper blowouts, right? Seriously, how does one baby make so much poo!

New parents are often overwhelmed by the work involved in caring for their little bundle. Conflicts can arise when the once-determined responsibility roles now need to be revisited and redistributed. It's crucial to realize the need to reevaluate the chore chart in your household. With the arrival of a new baby, many couples fall into a competitive mindset, which causes disagreements. Instead of pointing fingers and blaming your partner for not doing their fair share, trust in their efforts and intentions. Remember, you're both navigating this new chapter together. It's time to collaborate and find a balanced approach to sharing responsibilities.

8. Parenting Guilt

Parenting guilt is real. Before a baby, we all have an idea of the type of parent we will be. We imagine the joy and unity that parenthood will bring, only to be faced with the harsh truth that parenting is incredibly challenging. It's normal to feel overwhelmed when your baby won't stop crying, to regret losing your composure, and to struggle with exhaustion to the point of tears. Rest assured, you are not alone in these challenges.

It's tempting to compare yourself to the seemingly perfect parents on social media, but this might leave you feeling even more discouraged, especially when you follow influencers who wear cute little clothes that fit two weeks after they gave birth.

Remember, guilt is not from God. He sees your strength and your struggles. He is the One who has chosen you to parent your child. The Lord calls us to do hard things because that's when we look to Him for help. And parenting is a refiner's fire for your marriage––and for you personally. Know that to what God calls you, He will equip you. So, don't listen to the enemy's lies of self-doubt and comparison. Instead, hold onto the words of encouragement that God spoke to Joshua, "Be strong and courageous…for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go" (Joshua 1:9). Trust God's guidance as you embark on this challenging yet rewarding journey of parenthood.

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9. Working Parent vs. Stay-at-Home Parent

When I decided to become a mom, it was clear to us that I would leave my job to stay at home with our child. Being a stay-at-home mom had always been my dream, and I was thrilled to be able to fulfill that role. However, the reality of our financial situation was a challenge. Losing my income strained our budget, and we both felt the impact.

In today's world, the cost of living has soared, making the decision for one parent to stay home while the other works a complex one. Childcare expenses versus income needed must be carefully weighed. Thankfully, these days, creative options for side hustles and remote jobs can provide a variety of ways to contribute financially without sacrificing time with your child.

If you do decide to leave your baby with a caregiver, it is crucial to realize you are choosing someone who will play a significant role in their upbringing. Consider this quote from my book, "Never underestimate the amount of influence you can have on your [child] in his first years of life. Intentional togetherness with your infant will play a key role in shaping his brain."

So, it's essential to seek out a dependable Christian caregiver who will nurture a biblical worldview in your child. Prayerfully approach this decision together. Ask God to help you find a godly person who offers a loving and faith-filled environment.

10. Conflict Resolution

Embrace the reality of unexpected disagreements that arise with new babies - it's all part of the rewarding journey of parenting. We learn as we go, right? Each resolved issue may lead to another challenge, but remember, you and your spouse are a team chosen by the Lord to raise your child together. Always remember your spouse is not your enemy; they are your partner in this ministry of parenting. God wants you to learn to walk in joyful union. Unity is key.

Creating a peaceful home is a precious gift for your children, and learning how to resolve conflicts in a Christ-like manner is essential. Break unhealthy patterns from your past by seeking God's help to communicate graciously with each other. Your child thrives in a home where love and peace abound between mommy and daddy. Let your love for each other reflect Christ's love, drawing your children closer to faith. Despite disagreements, remember that Christ's selfless love conquers all, making love the secret sauce of parenting without regrets!

For more marriage and family help you can receive Rhonda’s FREE video: Your Marriage Can Survive Toddlers & Teens by texting: NO REGRETS to 55444.

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