10 Small (But Powerful) Ways to Make Your Wife Feel Loved

1. Pay her a sincere compliment.

When you notice something good about your wife, be quick to compliment her. Look for a character trait, deed, or look to compliment every day. You can praise her delicious meal, her faithfulness in taking the kids to school, or her new haircut. If you look for something good on purpose, you will find it. A simple “You look pretty today” goes a long way to woo a wife and make her feel beautiful. Compliment your wife in front of others for an added wow effect. Your kind words of appreciation make her feel seen and valued. Try to say something that will make her say, “Wow, I didn’t think you’d notice.”  

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2. Stop yourself from complaining.

No wife enjoys hearing complaints about anything and everything from work, to what was served for dinner, to how messy the house is. When you bring a grumbling attitude to the home, your dissatisfaction can make your wife feel like she is not meeting your expectations. She feels unloved. As you learn to transform complaining into contentment (with the help of the Holy Spirit), it will help create a much better relationship with your wife. As it says in Philippians 2:14 (NKJV), “Do all things without complaining and disputing.”  

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3. Tell her "I love you" tenderly.

On your wedding day and in those first few weeks of marriage, it was probably second nature to look into your wife’s eyes and say with feeling, “I love you.” As the years go by, you still say I love you often but try it this way. Take her hands and stand directly in front of her. Look into her eyes and say softly, “I really love you.” Give her a kiss and go on with your day. That little moment of romance probably takes less than 10 seconds, but it will make your wife feel cherished.   

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4. Avoid harsh tones.

Wives are allergic to harsh tones. How you say things is extremely important to us. If you speak flippantly, cruelly, coldly, or angrily, we either shut down or retaliate. When you speak harshly with your wife (even when criticism is deserved), it pushes her away. Paul states it specifically in Colossians 3:19, “Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.” Abrasive, rough, severe, cruel words have no place in a happy marriage. Be quick to apologize if you speak harshly and ask for forgiveness.  

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5. Speak her love language.

Does your wife love to spend time with you on a long afternoon date? Or would she rather get a backrub or have a heart to heart talk instead? Each of us have a primary love language as Dr. Gary Chapman describes in The Five Love Languages. Discovering your wife’s love language can make a huge difference. As you speak her language more (words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, or physical touch), she will feel more loved. 

Once James brought me an empty box of donuts from work as a joke. When I jumped up and down with excitement, he knew he had made a critical error! You may not always get it right, but keep trying to speak your wife’s love language.     

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6. Talk to her.

Women love conversation, but not just any conversation. If you talk about yourself or the news the whole time, this won’t necessarily make your wife feel loved. She wants to be with someone who deeply cares about her, so a good conversation includes back and forth dialogue about each other. Ask her questions that go beyond “How was your day?” (although that is great start). Add questions like “Is there anything concerning you today?” “What are you looking forward to this week?” and “What would you like to do on our next date?”  

Your wife wants to feel close to you, and she feels close to you when you’re having a meaningful conversation. Most likely, your wife fell in love with you because you set aside time to exchange words and affection. Wives stay in love with husbands who keep meeting those needs long after saying “I do.” 

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7. Bring her an unexpected gift.

One afternoon, James brought me my favorite kind of latte. That simple gesture made my day and made me feel loved. What does your wife like? Bring a little treat to her workplace or bring home flowers when it’s not a special occasion. It doesn’t have to be expensive. It could come from a dollar store or the grocery store. A gift simply shows your wife you were thinking of her. Study her or ask her what she likes so your gift will be thoroughly enjoyed. She’ll love that you are thinking of her even when it’s not her birthday, Christmas, or Valentine’s Day.  

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8. Date her again.

How did you treat her when you were first dating? You probably opened doors, hung on her words, and held her hand. Do that again. Instead of watching an action film, sit through the romance flick without complaining once. Simply do it to make her happy. But also find mutual activities you both enjoy so date nights are something to look forward to. This is not the time to go over finances, schedules, or gripes. This is time for fun. It’s also okay to go over the top once in a while. Maybe you play an instrument; serenade her. You might plan a romantic dinner at a window table for two and have flowers waiting for her. 

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9. Give her the evening off.

If you have children, offer to serve the kids dinner and do all the evening activities so your wife can take a break. She can go out to dinner with girlfriends or go shopping all alone – whatever her heart desires. If you don’t have children, she still gets a break. You’ll take care of dinner and cleaning the kitchen (bless you if this is your normal routine anyway). Tell your wife you want her to relax and that you want to pamper her for one evening. Wives can be overwhelmed and frazzled with managing a job, children, and a household. Your concern to ease her burdens communicates love.  

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10. Pray for her out loud.

Most women crave spiritual leadership from their husbands. Your wife doesn’t only want to be emotionally and physically intimate with you; she also wants to be spiritually intimate.When you offer to pray for your wife, it reinforces your love for God and for her. Prayer brings couples together through Christ. It bonds you together spiritually. As you pray for your wife, she feels secure, comforted, and loved. Pray out loud while you are physically touching, whether you are holding hands or sitting on the couch together. 

If you’re not sure how to start, there are several books about prayer you can follow. Pray from the Word of God. For example, you might pray “Lord help me to love my wife and not to be harsh with her. Help me to love her as You loved the church” (Colossians 3:19, Ephesians 5:25).  

Like the man in our opening story, you might make a commitment today to be the best husband you can be. Let this commitment to love your wife guide your daily decisions and your actions. As you practice these 10 small (but powerful) steps, your wife will feel more and more loved. Who knows? She might even ask you what has happened and why you are acting so charming. You can tell her you’ve been taking her for granted and that you just want to be best husband in the world to her. She’ll love that.  

Arlene Pellicane is a speaker and author of several books including 31 Days to a Happy Husband and Parents Rising: 8 Strategies for Raising Kids Who Love God, Respect Authority, and Value What’s Right. She has been a guest on the Today Show, Focus on the Family, Family Life Today and Fox & Friends. Arlene and her husband James live in San Diego with their three children. Visit Arlene’s website at www.ArlenePellicane.com.