10 Steps to Take to Save Your Marriage

If you haven't already, you should pray for the Lord's guidance and wisdom. Ask him to tell you specifically what you need to do. Ask him to lead you and guide you and to put people in your path that can help you and your spouse work through the issues you are having so that you can save your marriage. He will give you the resources you need, whether it's a person like a therapist, a book, a webinar, or a podcast, to help you move in the right direction.

He brought you two together for a reason and doesn't want to see you go under. Ask him, and he will help you save your marriage, get your focus on him, and build a stronger union than you have ever had before.

Start by sitting down together and writing a list of the issues that are weighing your relationship down. This is not the time to be ugly or place blame.

List the issues that you both contribute to your relationship. For example, maybe you both spend too much money. Next, list what issues each of you contributes individually to the relationship. The wife may be a workaholic, and the husband may be emotionally unavailable. One of you may have issues with your stepchildren, and the other may go out too much and not share the household load. People have all kinds of different issues in their marriages.

Decide to renew your fight for your marriage. In order to do this, people need to take some time apart and work on themselves. This means doing your best to get past anger, resentment, and sadness. Only when you get these emotions either totally under control or somewhat under control will you be able to renew the fight for your relationship.

We all know the tongue can be a weapon. You can choose to either speak life or death over yourself and others. Give up on the constant fighting, negativity, and sarcasm. Breaking this pattern is crucial and learning how to argue in a healthier manner is important to saving your marriage.

The next time you get into an argument with your partner, stop and pause instead of blowing up. Remember what you have learned about effective arguing, gather your thoughts, and then respond to your husband or wife.

Related Resource: 3 Tools for Tackling Everyday Conflicts

How do you and your spouse tackle everyday conflicts? In this episode of Team Us,  we share three of our favorite tools for working through those smaller disagreements or disputes. If this episode helps your marriage, be sure to subscribe to Team Us on Apple or Spotify so you never miss an episode.

Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/PeopleImages

Have a discussion about major deal breakers in your marriage and take them off the table before trying to move on. Affairs, aggression, and addiction are toxic and will only hinder your progress if you continue. If you want to save your marriage and learn healthier ways of dealing with things, these must go.

Discuss massive deal-breakers before you get married. Every deal breaker doesn't have to be toxic. It could be whether you want kids. Or discussing how much time one person will spend on their own business. All kinds of things can be significant deal breakers for people, and every couple is different. We must have open, honest conversations about important, life-changing things before getting married. It will give you insight and save a lot of heartache later.

You can always start over. Commit to each other to learn how to communicate, show each other love and affection, and simply enjoy being in each other's company again. Once you have agreed to this commitment, share it with a trusted friend or family member so you have support and accountability on your path to fixing your relationship.

Make time each day to genuinely connect. Have a cup of coffee together in the morning. Go out for lunch together on the weekend. Go to bed a half hour earlier so you have time to talk before you go to sleep. It may not go perfectly, but at least you are trying.

A few decades ago, going to couples therapy meant that something was wrong. These days, it's accepted as something you do to get the help you need. It's seen as a strength rather than a weakness.

Going to couples therapy together is a sign that you're willing to work on what is wrong to get it right. It's a commitment to each other that you will talk things out and resolve your issues with each other. Having someone there to mediate and offer suggestions will make it easier to see each other's point of view (even if you don't agree) and find solutions to your issues.

One of the best things about therapy these days is you don't have to go to the office if you don't want to. There are all kinds of companies that specialize in therapy and connect you with a therapist in the comfort of your own home. You may have to try a few different therapists to find the right one for you as a couple. This is a normal part of the process. But once you do, you will be on the path to healing.

It may also be helpful to go to therapy alone to work on yourself as an individual. We all go through things and have experiences that affect us differently and shape who we become.

Talk with your therapist about the issues you bring to your marriage and see how you can resolve it. You can also talk about other experiences in your life and things that you struggle with as an individual, like depression, anxiety, perfectionism, etc.

If you are comfortable, it may be helpful to talk to your spouse about how you are learning to cope with said issue so they know you are putting in the work to help yourself as well. And vice versa.

Remember that neither of you is perfect. When you first fall in love, everything about the other person seems perfect, and they can do no wrong. This isn't the case for any person. We all have flaws we need to work on and things we can do better.

The concept of the "perfect" person is a fantasy that the entertainment industry has made up in movies and books. This is fine when you want to escape into some superb entertainment, but it falls flat in reality.

God is the only perfect being who can help two imperfect people heal and save their marriage.

Make a commitment to grow together. Go to therapy together and commit to doing the work. When your therapist makes suggestions, don't brush them off. Give them some thought, talk them over, and act on them.

Read books about healing your marriage together. Listen to podcasts about marriage and relationships together. When you're done, talk about what you read or heard and how you can apply it to your relationship.

The most important thing is to apply what you learn. Sit and have that conversation. Try an activity that will draw you closer. Practice actively listening to each other rather than only half listening to your partner. Whatever you need to do to help save your marriage, do it.

Marriage is one of the greatest events in a person's life. A couple's wedding day should be a time of happiness and celebration. Still, people need to keep in mind that marriage is a journey and not a destination. You will constantly learn about your partner, and neither of you will stay the same. People change and evolve over the years, in both good ways and bad. This is human nature.

Trials testing both partners afflict all marriages, and you may sometimes wonder if your marriage can be saved. As long as you involve God in your marriage, it's never lost. Ask him to help guide you back to each other, and watch him restore your marriage.

Related:

When Your Marriage Is Hidden Under Layers of Resentment

10 Bible Verses to Heal and Restore a Troubled Marriage

When Should a Married Couple Separate?

5 Necessary Steps for Marriage Restoration