10 Wonderful Ways to Build Intimacy in Your Marriage

1. Talk about It

There is something about simply talking with your spouse that can invoke intimacy. I'm "talking" (no pun intended), eye-to-eye contact with the intent of fully paying attention, and striving to truly be present, which involves attentive listening. When was the last time you and your spouse did that?

Yes, that means you will need to step aside and put down the phone. It also means you will need to squelch all the inner thoughts of the day clamoring for your attention and set your eyes and focus on that lovely bride or handsome groom in front of you. Start by asking about their day. Then, in time, allow it to go deeper than that as you share your feelings, concerns, fears, struggles, and victories.

2. Have Fun Together

Ecclesiastes 8:15 tells us to enjoy this life by eating and drinking while being glad and joyful. Yes, the Bible tells us to have fun! And what better person to do that with than your mate for life? Whether you are heading to your kids' baseball game or making time to sneak away for a date night, focus on having fun. Laugh and be playful, lighten up and relax, and simply let the everyday moments that could otherwise be mundane be opportunities to enjoy each other's company.

3. Get Touchy Feely

Be a flirt. That's right; initiate foot or back rubs, grab their hand when you are strolling around in public, or sneak up behind them while they are doing the dishes for a playful hug. Side note: wives generally love this gesture, especially if you offer to help - wink, wink.

There is something very special and intimate about the physical touch between a husband and a wife, as it rekindles that "oneness." Not only that, but a simple loving gesture can rev up sparks that may lead to more later on!

4. Express Appreciation

It's so easy to get stuck in a rut and fail to recognize everything your spouse does. In other words, we can so easily take one another for granted if we aren't intentional about noticing the "good stuff."

Start with giving thanks to God for your spouse. Then, allow Him to stir in your heart for ways to speak words that will resonate and express gratitude that will speak volumes. Try sharing one simple form of gratitude daily for a week and watch what may happen. A simple word of thanks could mean more than you know, turning some of those daily responsibilities they may see as a burden into a smile, realizing that it has been a blessing to you.

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5. Greet One Another Warmly

There is a powerful message behind the way we greet each other. After a long day of work and even a short jaunt to the grocery store, that simple greeting is almost like the thermometer, if you will, to your relationship. Yep! That simple hug, kiss, wink, or "hey" exudes not only acknowledgment of their presence but a way of saying, "I'm so glad you're back, and we are together again."

2 Corinthians 13:12 tells us to greet one another with a holy kiss as it encourages and promotes a deeper connection. Maybe there won't be a "holy kiss" exchanged every single time, but there should always be a sense of excitement to see your precious love.

6. Seek Wise Mentors

We all need those slightly older and wiser friends who have "been there, done that" and can reign down some helpful tips or nuggets of truth that essentially enhance our marriages. Proverbs 11:14 commands us to seek advice and counsel from mentors, even claiming we are bound to fail and fall when we don't. We need to remember that great marriages don't just happen; they are created with love and time, along with lots (and lots) of chiseling, shaping, pruning, and fine-tuning. That often comes from the guidance of those who invest in us and help our marriages grow.

7. Create Space to Be Alone

It's so hard to find alone time when you have busy schedules, kiddos to wrangle, and other family or friend obligations to deal with, but your spouse has got to be your priority. Sure, you might have to get crafty and creative, but when the investment is made, and there is time that the two of you have carved out to be alone, you will both reap the benefits.

If nothing else, start small and build from there. Even if you have to wait until the kiddos go to bed and you get a moment to snuggle on the couch or plop the kids in front of a movie and sneak out in the backyard for some alone time, just do it. It will ignite those sparks and send a glaring message to your kiddos that your marriage is valuable and important.

8. Recall Special Memories

This is one of my favorites because it really allows you to see how far you have come in your marriage while also revisiting some of the most precious times you have spent together. It could be returning to the moment when you said those two most important words of " I do" to a special date or vacation you took together. It could even be recalling your first date or that all-too-sweet first kiss. You may just find that the best part isn't the memories themselves but watching your spouse's face light up when they share them!

9. Try Something New

My husband is more of the adventurous one in our marriage, so he has acquired quite the knack of making me get out of my comfort zone. Maybe it's the sweet way he asks or the sparkle in his eye when he grabs my hand that begs for me to trust him. Over the years, we have been on treacherous mountain hikes and experienced the thrill of indoor skydiving (I simply would not jump out of a plane)! All that to say, trying something new is fun while building trust and intimacy. Think about your interests and go from there. The possibilities are endless.

10. Pray Together

This goes without saying, but the spiritual intimacy that occurs in a marriage when a husband and wife come together and present their hearts to the Lord is priceless and precious. Inviting God into your marriage allows you to not only embrace the beauty in your union but also tackle the tough stuff.

This can be done in a variety of ways. However, if this is new for you and your spouse, or praying out loud together feels awkward, you are not alone; many couples struggle in this area of their marriage. After all, it is so much easier to pray separately than to come together and talk about it later. Of course, this is fine to begin with, but the power of joining hands, lifting your hearts to the Lord, and hearing one another's prayers will build intimacy like no other. Try it, and let God move!

A Prayer for Your Marriage

Lord, You are so faithful and give us so many beautiful blessings that can only be found within the sanctity of a marriage. We ask that You come into our union and lead and guide us to seek You and do Your will. Help us be patient and kind, and grant forgiveness where needed so that we can see one another as You do. Please help us build intimacy by attaining an intimate relationship with you first. We love you and want to honor you with our marriage. Amen.