20 Signs of a Healthy Family

Signs of an Unhealthy Family

Families are so different and dynamic, and our society considers unhealthy family dynamics the norm. To understand what a healthy family looks like, let's review some signs of an unhealthy family unit.

1. Unrealistic Expectations

Unrealistic expectations place children in situations where they are expected to meet standards that are unrealistic, such as disciplining younger siblings, taking on tasks like cooking and laundry before they are old enough to do so, and providing emotional support as if they are adults.

2. Harsh Criticism

Criticism is harsh and never constructive. Parents often make the child feel inferior or unloved.

3. Unmet Needs

People in unhealthy families don't have their needs met, such as setting boundaries, making sure family members have food to eat and clothes to wear, and making sure the kids go to school and get an education.

4. Control

Parents in unhealthy families try to control everything their kids do, including relationships and careers. They may even hold it over a child's head that the parent will no longer love or support them if they don't stop dating this person.

5. No Love, Compassion, or Respect

There is no love, compassion, or respect in a toxic family. A toxic family member will belittle your choices, attack your vulnerable points, or chip away at your self-esteem.

6. Substance Abuse

Toxic households are full of substance and drug abuse. Family members often hide these things from outsiders and never discuss them.

7. Verbal, Physical, or Emotional Abuse

Abuse comes in all forms, not just physical. Things like inappropriate touching, name-calling, and gaslighting are all examples of non-physical violence. This kind of abuse happens repeatedly and there is never any resolution.

8. Dysfunction Is Chronic

The various problems in an unhealthy family happen constantly, causing members to have problems at work or school, friendship issues, financial issues, health concerns, and stress.

9. Lacking Empathy

Members of toxic families don't possess empathy. They don't understand or respect each other's feelings, which causes emotional stress.

10. Poor Communication

Communication in a family is crucial and if there is a lack of it, it causes constant conflict and emotional distress for everyone.

If you are reading this and recognize some of these things in your own family, don't despair. You can always try to turn it around. Take some time to sit down with your family and discuss some issues you are having and what some solutions may be.

Photo credit: © Getty Images/Kiwis

Signs of a Healthy Family

1. Respecting Boundaries and Valuing Individuality

Members of a healthy family respect each other's physical and emotional boundaries. They also value the individuality of each member. They recognize that each person has skills and talents that help make the family better.

2. Consistent Rules

The rules in healthy families are consistent and solid. Parents agree together on what those rules are and don't undermine or override the other's authority.

3. Looking Out for Each Other

Family members prioritize meeting each other's needs before attending to their own.

4. Safety and Security

Members of a healthy family feel safe in their surroundings and with other family members.

5. Forgiveness

Family members are quick to forgive each other and ask for forgiveness. They don't hold grudges or stay mad for very long.

6. Time Together

Healthy families spend time together. This includes having family dinner every night, movie night once a week, volunteering together, or supporting each other's interests together, like going to a brother's basketball tournament or a sister's ballet recital.

7. Conflict Management

In conflict management, families promptly deal with conflicts. The offender assumes responsibility for their actions, offers an apology, and the person who is offended listens and forgives promptly. Everyone talks things out without attacking the other person. If the situation is between a parent and child, the parent takes the lead in repairing the damage that has been done.

8. Contribution

Everyone in the family contributes, whether doing chores, taking turns cooking once a week, older kids tutoring younger ones, or anything else. This also means that all members contribute to family conversations and discussions, from the everyday casual to more serious matters.

9. Spiritual Commitment

All members show commitment to the spiritual foundation they were raised in. They are bound by their mutual relationship with God, and they learn to nurture that relationship through encouragement from each other.

10. Supporting Each Other

Family members show a deep commitment to one another by providing unquestioned loyalty and support.

11. Communicating in a Way That's Constructive

Communication is a big part of being in a family and can go one of two ways. Poor communication or constructive communication. Rather than communicating badly with each other, members of a healthy family communicate in a more constructive manner. They are open and honest while speaking lovingly and choose to build each other up rather than tear one another down. They listen carefully and actively without distractions and don't read each other's minds or jump to conclusions. When doing this, they show genuine interest in each other and mutual respect.

12. Showing Sincere Appreciation for One Another

Members show genuine appreciation for each other by expressing it verbally and through meaningful gestures. For example, you can thank your spouse for an amazing meal or praise your children for cleaning their rooms. You can also do this through a note in a lunchbox or by text. Showing genuine appreciation encourages family members to behave positively and also builds confidence.

13. Looking Out for Each Other

Healthy families do their best to live by the "golden rule." They consider what they say before they say it, consider how big decisions will affect the whole family, and treat each other well. Doing this ensures a high-functioning family. There may be times when you may have to endure things you don't want to, like two hours at the symphony with your wife or foregoing what you want to do to spend time with your kids on the weekends. However, the sacrifice will be worth it.

14. Studying the Bible Together

Healthy families spend time studying the Bible together. This could be mom and dad studying together, the kids studying together, or the whole family getting together to read God's Word.

15. Praying Together

As the phrase says, the family that prays together, stays together. Gathering together to pray for others and for your own family issues is important.

16. Turn Inward in Times of Crisis

This means working through crises and difficult times together and gathering strength from each other rather than looking for something outside.

17. Affirm and Encourage Each Other

Members of a healthy family encourage and affirm each other regularly. They affirm each other for who they are by telling them they did a good job. You encourage by telling someone that you believe in their dreams and what they want to do.

18. Valuing Trust

Family members should trust each other and value the trust they have earned from one another. Trust is a crucial aspect within a family and is established through mutual respect and a commitment to always telling the truth.

19. Have Open Communication

Healthy families talk about everything and anything together. No question is off-limits, no topic taboo, no opinion disrespected. This is where most important, life-determining conversations happen.

20. Having a Healthy Relationship with Other Family Members

Healthy families have good relationships with extended family members like grandparents, aunts and uncles, and nieces and nephews.

Our family is the most important and dynamic relationship we have in our lives. It's important to note that no family is perfect. Everyone has their own quirks and things that need to be worked out. However, there is a difference between unhealthy and healthy families. No one should have to put up with any kind of abuse in a family, ever.

Look at your own family and see if there is anything that needs improvement. Then pray about it and ask God to help you find the words to share your concerns with your family members and for them to have open hearts and minds. By asking for God's help and having open communication with your relatives, you can move forward into a healthy and harmonious family dynamic.