3 Things You Need to Know about the Devastating Impact of an Affair

  • Chad Roberts Founder and Lead Pastor of Preaching Christ Church
  • Published Jul 16, 2024
3 Things You Need to Know about the Devastating Impact of an Affair
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If you were tasked with capturing a monkey, how do you suppose you would do it? Some years ago, I was leading pastors' conferences in Tanzania and Zanzibar in East Africa. The hotel I happened to stay at had a delightful and entertaining resident. His name was Chomoko. They had captured and used him to entertain guests like myself. It is not easy to capture such a witty creature. As much as I like Chomoko, it saddens me that he is now confined to captivity. 

Satan would love to ensure you. Jesus made it clear what the enemy’s agenda is for your life. “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy.” In contrast, Christ “Came that they may have life and have it abundantly” (John 10:10).

One of the most common snares for today’s believer is sexual affairs. While it is not easy to capture a monkey in the wild, hunters have figured out a crafty method. They would take a jar and place something to entice a monkey like nuts or fruit. The opening of the jar would be large enough that a monkey could easily slip his hand in and out. After reaching into the jar, he would be unable to remove his hand while holding onto the fistful of nuts or fruit. If the monkey were willing to let it go, his hand would slide right out. Consequently, these monkeys fall prey to their hunters because of their unwillingness to walk away. Paul’s prayer is that we would avoid such entrapments by the enemy when he writes, 

“And they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will.” 2 Timothy 2:26

Photo Credit:

  • Shadow of an upset man leaning against a wall; the devastating impact of an affair.

    1. Are You Willing to Lose it All for an Affair?

    I will never forget the Sunday morning a good friend of mine approached me after the sermon. “An old flame from high school has found me on Facebook. What do you think I should do about it?” I pastorally told my friend, who had been married for decades and was even a grandfather, “You better extinguish this old flame.” Sadly, my friend did not listen; it was not long before he lost everything. 

    There is another man in the scriptures who lost everything in a moment of weakness. Esau and Jacob were twin brothers. Esau was the firstborn; therefore, his birthright belonged to him. Like most siblings, they were as different as day and night. Esau was a hunter, and Jacob was a chef. According to Genesis 25, Esau came in from the fields from hunting and was exhausted and famished. Jacob had been cooking a stew. When Esau pleaded for a bowl, Jacob convinced him to sell him his birthright in exchange for it. 

    Esau was willing to trade his entire future in one moment of weakness. Are we any different? If you are contemplating an affair, are you willing to trade everything for one bowl of stew? In other words, are you willing to forfeit your marriage, your character and integrity, your children’s admiration and respect, and most of all, God’s blessings for one temporary bowl of stew?

    I’ve met many people willing to make the trade, but the question is, are you? Dietrich Bonhoeffer said it well. 

    “Temptation does not make you hostile toward God. Temptation makes you forget Him.”

    Perhaps the Holy Spirit wants you to read this to awaken your spiritual senses and quickly realize that you are about to trade your future for one temporary bowl of stew. May God forbid!

    Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/KatarzynaBialasiewicz

  • Woman with hand on her head; the devastating impact of an affair.

    2. The Illusion of Containing a Dangerous Fire

    My first counseling session of the day was at 10:00 AM. The young father of four sat nervously in my office. Before I walked in, I prayed that God would give me every word to say to him. I offered him some coffee and tried to put him at ease because I knew how difficult it was for him to come to see me, especially since we had never met. A sexual affair had ripped his marriage apart.

    On the surface, I sensed his conviction, and it appeared he wanted to be right with God. However, when I pressed the issue of ending it with the other woman, he refused. “What are you thinking?” I objected. “Do you seriously think this will not destroy your family and future?” He assured me that he knew what he was doing and that his kids would be fine. 

    It was cold and snowy on this particular day. There is no fireplace in my counseling office. So I asked the young man what he thought about me building a fire in one of its corners. He said that would be a bad idea since the room was all sheetrock. “Yes, but I’m quite certain I can contain it,” I explained that no matter how much I wanted him to trust me, there would be no way I could contain a fire outside a fireplace. It would be foolish to believe that the entire building would not burn to the ground. Proverbs 6:27 says, 

    “Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned?” 

    Perhaps you are playing with fire. It may be texting conversations that should not be happening. Perhaps lunches and side conversations at work are beginning to cross the line, or you are already in an affair. Do not be deceived. You cannot play with fire and not be burned. Walk away before it destroys your marriage, your children, and your future.

    Photo Credit: @Getty Images/Maria Korneeva

  • couple talking in marriage counseling; the devastating impact of an affair.

    3. Can There Be Life after an Affair?

    Is there life after an affair? As devastating and destructive as an affair can be, there is still hope for restoration and reconciliation. If you are someone that the sin of adultery has been committed against you by your spouse, I would agree that biblically, you have grounds for divorce. However, I would remind you that there are also grounds for forgiveness. I understand that is much easier to say than to experience. If you are someone who has committed adultery and the sin is upon you, I would remind you that God knows well how to restore what has been broken and shattered by sinful and selfish decisions.

    In Psalm 51, the sins of adultery and murder had finally caught up with King David because the prophet Nathan boldly confronted him. David convinced himself that he could hide his sin. Don’t we do the same? Like David, we convince ourselves that we can manage our sinful decisions. Yet sin always has a way of catching up to us and delivering its price tag. In David’s case, he paid a hefty price. All the while, David was a man after God’s own heart (1 Samuel 13:14). When he hit the lowest place of his life, he clung to the Lord.  

    “Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercy, blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin! For I know my transgressions and my sin is ever before me.” Psalm 51:1-3

    According to the Mosaic Law, David had no chance at forgiveness. David sinned intentionally with a high hand for he understood full well what he was doing. Atoning sacrifices were only for unintentional sins (Hebrews 9:7). No sacrifices were available to forgive David’s sins. This is why he wrote, 

    “For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it; you will not be pleased with a burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.” - Psalm 51:16-17 

    David looked beyond the Mosaic Law to the steadfast love of the Lord. Friends, you can as well. Whether you have been sinned against or you are the one who has committed the sin, there is hope in the steadfast love of God.

    Related Resource: From Destruction to Restoration: 3 Keys to Rebuilding Your Marriage

    Many marriages face problems and losses that test the very fabric of their relationships. From communication breakdowns to deep-rooted conflicts, navigating through the complexities of a marriage can be difficult. But there is hope. In this episode of Rebuilding Us, we will explore the crucial concept of tearing down and building up in the context of a struggling marriage. Rebuilding Us is a podcast for anyone who needs help to restoring intimacy and renew hope in your marriage. Listen now!

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/jacoblund

    This article originally appeared on Christianity.com. For more faith-building resources, visit Christianity.com. Christianity.com

    Chad RobertsChad Roberts is the founder and lead pastor of Preaching Christ Church. He is the author and Bible teacher for Awakened to Grace. He has authored Calling on the Name of the Lord, Awakened to Grace, and He’s in the Waiting. He has traveled through forty countries, sharing the Gospel, and training leaders. When the unexpected storm of blindness slammed into Chad’s life in 2018, he had a decision to make. He could resign to the life of disability or he could go forward trusting God with the unknown. He could not have continued on without the support of his amazing wife of over fifteen years, Sadie. Their four children, Piper, Emmy, Hudson, and John Mark, are their greatest joys. They live just outside the Great Smoky Mountains in Kingsport, Tennessee.

    Chad’s pastoral career has not been defined by blindness. Rather, it is his clear, biblical teaching that continues to grow an audience. He has traveled through forty nations, training pastors and strengthening churches.

    Today, Chad teaches people to trust a God they cannot see. His days are filled with the things he loves most: leading, speaking, writing, and of course, coffee! He is a spiritual content creator. By God’s grace, he is emerging as a trusted spiritual voice in people’s lives. Chad may have blindness, but blindness does not have him.