3 Tips for Divorcees Getting Back in the Dating Scene

1. Seek Confirmation That You Are Ready

One of the best things we can do when desiring to get back into the dating scene is to take our time before reentering. Let me say this another way: do not rush into a new relationship immediately after going through a divorce. The truth is that our raw emotions often need time to process and space to heal. The legality aspect involved in a divorce alone is enough to leave you feeling mentally exhausted and spiritually depleted. You will need time to reflect, recalibrate, and be restored.

Do not underestimate the value of giving yourself the gift of time as you recover from the trauma often associated with divorce, regardless of the fact that you are a Christian. Even the strongest of Christians need a healthy support team. This will look like family, friends, pastoral counseling, and therapy to assist you along your road to recovery. Although you may concurrently experience loneliness with many other emotions during the initial months that follow undergoing a divorce, do yourself a favor in the long haul by not giving into the temptation to begin dating prematurely.

Once you have taken the time necessary to heal after going through a divorce, seek confirmation through your support team that you are ready to pursue actively dating again. Proverbs 11:4 (NKJV) tells us, “Where there is no counsel, the people fall; But in the multitude of counselors there is safety.” How comforting to know that God will often use those around us to confirm His will for our lives.

The people God places in our lives are meant to look out for our best interests, especially when we are at our lowest moments or most vulnerable positions. We have to be willing to acknowledge that we all have blind spots that may prevent us from always making perfect, flawless decisions that never lead to error or regret. When we consider that our support team is there to help us discern God’s promises, protection, and specific plan for our lives with regards to our dating choices, this should bring us a great sense of assurance as we move forward.

One final thought on seeking confirmation: it is absolutely okay to admit to yourself and acknowledge to others that you are not ready to be in a dating relationship. This is not a negative representation that something is wrong with you. Actually, it is just the opposite. Healthy people are able to apply self-monitoring and self-regulation. These qualities will serve us well in our efforts to live in harmony with ourselves and authentically with others.

Before being open again to the idea of a new relationship, I recognized there was a season in my life when God did not want me to date. Once I made peace with myself about this, it became easier for me to communicate expectations and boundaries with others. I found this to be extremely helpful when presented with invitations to engage in dating relationships.

Photo credit: ©Pexels/Karolina Kaboompics

2. Seek Opportunities for Meeting Christians

This may sound as if I am stating the obvious, but if we are interested in meeting other Christians and considering dating, we should seek opportunities by looking in the right places that correspond with Christian activities, morals, and values. I am often baffled by stories I hear about relationships that went wrong, only to discover the two people met in a non-Christian environment, like a bar or a club. Is it any wonder the relationship was not sustainable?

If we want to connect with Christian singles to potentially consider dating, we might meet in settings like church, a singles’ small group, a singles’ ministry, or events tailored for Christian singles. This is not to suggest you should not participate in any secular activities, for instance, a dinner cruise, going to the movies, or something as simple as walking through the mall together. It is to say that if our faith is the most important part of our life, then pursuing a Gospel-centered lifestyle would be reflected in the choices we make, especially where dating is concerned.

Philippians 4:8 (NKJV) reminds us, “Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.” Our mindset regarding dating will be revealed in our choices, including prioritizing a Gospel-centered lifestyle. As we contemplate which occasions align with our faith, this will provide clarity as to which opportunities we should accept in a dating context.

A gospel-centered lifestyle involves regularly participating in prayer and the study of God’s Word, for example. These are the kinds of things we want to build our dating relationship upon to ensure a solid foundation. Otherwise, it would be an awkward expectation for marriage if we had not been practicing this gospel-centered way of living as a dating couple. Where we go, the kinds of people we interact with, and the activities we seek will provide opportunities to meet people we are compatible with in faith only if those places, people, and things are an intentional reflection of our desire to date other Christians who are also committed to Gospel-centered living and dating.

3. Seek Accountability through Community

A great way for divorcees to get back into the dating scene is to seek accountability through community. Just as there is safety in seeking confirmation from those you trust regarding the right time to reenter the dating scene, you want to maintain responsibility while dating through accountability with those you share in a faith community. God places us in community so that we can be encouraged, receive strength, and provided support when we need it most.

Ephesians 5:21 (NIV) admonishes, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Accountability occurs with a willingness to submit to one another. In this process, we pray for each other, speak the truth in love, and nurture one another in our endeavors to bear fruit of the Spirit as Christ-followers.

When we live in community with other believers, we permit them to be involved in our lives, ask hard questions, and furnish a safe place for us to land. It is wise for divorcees to join the right community that can serve them well while transitioning back into the dating scene. This will require honesty, transparency, vulnerability, and intentionality.

Pre-determine the people who will hold you accountable to godly dating standards. How might this look? Could you start off by going on group dating events? How about having “check-ins” with how things are going in your dating life? The key component to receiving accountability through community is the commitment of the divorcee. Being open to people you have vetted as trustworthy can be a remarkable way to encounter the love of God extended in this significant decision to begin dating again.