Over the past twenty years, big tech has turned what childhood looks like completely upside down. At first, the effects of this grand-scale experiment were unknown. Now, the research is pointing us toward very tragic effects of this "great rewiring" of our kids' brains, as Jonathan Haidt, author of The Anxious Generation, calls it. We see that our children's developing minds and bodies are not designed to be hijacked by intentionally addictive devices and applications marketed to our children.
This is just one aspect of our pressure-filled culture that is stealing away everything that we have learned is truly best for our children as they develop. We see more and more pressure to make our kids' lives "academic" from a young age. Our kids are going to school at younger ages and spending more than ever on academic work, but research tells us this is not how young kids learn best, and their brains are not made to meet these high demands.
Our family time is being sucked away as our culture pushes us more and more into "scheduled" activities than relational and play-based activities. Being overscheduled actually gets in the way of kids building their executive function skills that allow them to thrive in self-directed activities; our kids struggle with creativity and don't have the skills to structure their own time.
Even though we know these things are not the best for our kids, parents still feel pressured to follow the crowd, worrying their child will miss out if not pushed to be tech-savvy, highly academic, and super-scheduled children. I'm here to remind you that our job as parents is to shepherd our kids, not keep up with the culture. The goal is to be faithful to our families and not successful.
Here are some ways our culture is stealing our kids' childhood and how we can live in a counter-cultural way as Christ-following families:
1. Pressure to Give Our Kids Phones, Tablets, Social Media, and More!
1. Pressure to Give Our Kids Phones, Tablets, Social Media, and More!
We are seeing iPads handed out in schools for Kindergarteners, personal smartphones in the hands of elementary aged kids, and social media ruling the lives of our preteens and beyond. All of these choices harm our kids. We feel like if we push back on a technology based childhood our kids will miss out but actually these devices and platforms are decidedly detrimental to almost every aspect of our kids growth and development.
The use of technology in school has a few drawbacks: it lowers kids' attention spans, increases the risk of depression, lowers social skills, increases bullying, increases the risk of obesity, lowers academic performance, and is a privacy risk. Our preteens and teens are suffering tremendously because we are stealing their opportunity to grow the skills they need to navigate the real world when we hand them their own smartphones before the age of 18. Our kids' developing brains are stunted when their existence becomes primarily online. We see depression and anxiety skyrocketing because our kids' lives have been taken away from them by devices.
I invite you to do your own research on how these practices are harming our kids. You will be shocked at how technology that should be a helpful tool has become a weapon against our children. As Christ followers we know that one way our kids are distracted from being the gift God has called them to be in God's real world is through devices. It's essential that we put proper limitations in our homes in order to protect our kids from the pulling tide of the culture.
As your kids go to school, do all you can to 'opt out' of technology-based education. Push for phone-free schools, low-tech classrooms, and discussion-based learning. Delay giving your child a smartphone until at least 15, but if you can, wait until 18. Limit interactive devices and time spent on them in your home, such as tablets, iPads, video games, computers, YouTube, etc. Instead, when using technology, opt for movies, shows, or group games so it's not an isolating or solely online experience. Just these few boundaries will make space for your kids to play, interact, and better develop the skills essential to being a human.
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2. Pressure to Perform Academically
2. Pressure to Perform Academically
God made us unique and diverse individuals. He tells us that every person is fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). We all have special ways we interact and learn about God's great and beautiful world! One person may have a brain that masters math facts easily and another that loves using their hands to build forts outdoors. Both of these natural skills are valuable and have a place in God's great creation.
The pressure to "perform" at younger ages does not align with God's call to honor our unique gifts and talents and develop them. It also goes against what researchers have learned is the best way for our kids' brains to grow and develop. Play is essential to our kids' development because it leads to the cognitive, physical, social, and emotional well-being of children and youth.
We can help our kids have the space to develop properly when we choose to make space to explore through play rather than opting for a more structured learning setting at a young age. Take time as a family to be outside, explore the outdoors, be with their peers in an unstructured manner, play games as a family, and resist the urge to make every moment of their days structured towards and focused on academic skills.
Two of my kids have mild dyslexia meaning they have begun to learn to read closer to 10 putting them outside the normal expected range for reading mastery in our system. Our culture would say that we must start panicking because they are not excelling on standardized tests but my kids are socially and emotionally advanced. Their executive function skills are excelling because rather than solely focusing on their academic deficits, we have allowed them the freedom to play and explore the world alongside practicing their academic skills as a homeschooling family.
Not everyone can homeschool, but we can "take the pressure off" our kids when we see they need more time or practice in a certain academic area by giving them support and emphasizing that life requires various skills, and each person masters skills at different rates.
3. Pressure to Overschedule Our Kids
3. Pressure to Overschedule Our Kids
We learn best when we are motivated and when we have space to discover on our own. More classes, activities, and sports is actually doing more harm than good. When we push our kids into a schedule that pushes out anytime for friendship, discovery, play, and family their brains and bodies suffer. More than that we are giving up too much of our influence in our kids lives when we don't allow time for us to be together as families. Our kids need to see us, hear us, and be with us in order for us to have the chance to train them in the way they should go.
When choosing activities, consider these questions:
Does your child enjoy the skill or sport you are signing them up for?
Does your child have enough time to be with friends and family during their week?
Is your child anxious or stressed out?
Does your child have enough rest? Are they having trouble with behaviors or self-regulation?
Does this activity point your child towards the good and beautiful things God has made in their world?
Do you feel your family has a balanced schedule or are you feeling 'stretched thin' by your family schedule?
Proverbs 22:6 tells us, "Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it." Parents are called by God to be intentional in their parenting. We cannot let the culture tell us what is best for our kids. We have to follow the guidance of the Holy Spirit and seek true wisdom for every decision we make for our families.
Originally published January 13, 2025.
