4 Truths for Christian Singles to Cling to While Dating

2. Christianity Doesn't Replace Personality

So many of us have been there. You finally found a great person who loves Jesus, is gainfully employed, and has no history that your best friend can find online. It can be SO exciting when you not only find this needle in a haystack but you hit it off too. Unfortunately, as almost every single/divorced Christian friend of mine has found, being a Christian (even the real kind) doesn't automatically mean you've found the one.

I believe one of the reasons the Christian divorce rate is nearly equivalent to the secular divorce rate is because we feel that the mutual love for Jesus covers a multitude of flaws or voids in the relationship itself. The logic being if the person we're dating loves God, they'll make a good spouse and parent, so we overlook or excuse red flags because frankly, we're just so relieved to have finally found a Christian.

Sadly, many of us, myself included, have discovered this brand of fairytale thinking doesn't quite hold up because being a Christian doesn't cure narcissism. Or small-mindedness. Or selfishness. Or any of the other qualities and characteristics that a person can have while still working out their salvation in Christ. Christ's blood covers all our sins and flaws, but we still have a choice of whom to hitch ourselves up to. Even the Apostle Paul seemed a bit prickly at times, right? Resist the urge to make wedding plans or assume your days on Match are over just because you found a man who loves God. Compatibility components are vital regardless of our religious affiliation. There are obviously so many factors that go into making a relationship work, including basic personality differences that can be deal breakers, even when pairing the best of Jesus lovers together.

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3. Keep God Your Focus

As a card-carrying romantic, I find it very easy to fall quickly and hard in the beginning. All the electricity and butterflies felt in the first six months or so when dating can almost feel addicting, making it very hard to take it slow, remain prayerful, and not become completely absorbed with the relationship. I believe the single best way to navigate dating and relationships (of any kind, really) is to make sure God remains the focal point of our lives. Make sure you spend time with God first. Make sure to incorporate prayer in all things, and involve God in your dating journey every step of the way.

Ensuring God is still the source of our comfort, strength, and joy ensures that our relationship does not become an idol. I've been guilty of this many times. Especially in the beginning stages of a new relationship, or if the relationship gets serious and enters the engagement season, we may unknowingly substitute our romantic love in the place in our hearts reserved for God only. God-ordained relationships are, of course, a blessing. Still, we need to be careful not to run to our partner for validation and emotional support when God should always be the singular source of our affection. Otherwise, the relationship becomes unhealthy and imbalanced, and things can go south quickly.

4. Guard Your Heart

I believe the Proverbs 4:23 verse, "Guard your heart, above all else," is one of the most important pieces of wisdom we can cling to when navigating romantic relationships. Guarding your heart means protecting your innermost being and making choices that align with your values. It means remaining aware of our thoughts and actions, being alert to what enters your heart, and how your thoughts and actions shape you.

When dating for a significant amount of time, it's tempting to let our guard down, inviting the person we're dating into our hearts before the proper time. The desire to know and be known is natural and God-ordained, but we must allow God to lead us according to his timing and pace. When dating, we must constantly pray for wisdom and discernment, ask for God's leading, and make sure we're making choices that align with His will. And as we know, His will is always for our best.

If we don't guard our hearts well, we might either compromise on what's important to us, ignore our priorities, or share parts of ourselves with someone who's not meant to be our forever person. Not only does it create unhealthy dynamics in the relationship, but if the relationship ends, the pain becomes so much worse.

Dating can be stressful and overwhelming, but singleness can also be a beautiful season of developing trust and reliance on God that lasts a lifetime—even if the current boyfriend doesn't. When we make God our focus and our refuge, He'll faithfully guide us through any confusion that awaits.