5 Biblical Principles for Resolving Family Conflict This Thanksgiving

1. Seek Peace and Pursue It:

Psalm 34:14 says: “Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it.” 

This principle is vital in resolving family conflicts since peace doesn’t happen by accident. Often, conflicts within families are allowed to fester because people avoid addressing underlying issues or hope that time will naturally heal the wounds. However, this verse encourages intentionality. We are not only to avoid evil and wrongdoing but to actively chase after peace—which requires humility, patience, and effort. In a family setting, “seeking peace” means proactively mending broken relationships. It involves taking the first step to address unresolved tensions, even if it’s uncomfortable. When we’re committed to peace, we don’t wait for the other person to initiate reconciliation. Instead, we take the initiative, motivated by love and a desire for harmony. Pursuing peace requires setting aside our pride. Often, family conflicts are rooted in unmet expectations, misunderstandings, or hurt feelings. Rather than allowing these grievances to grow into resentment, we need to have open, honest conversations. This might mean addressing long-standing issues with family members before Thanksgiving or finding private time during a Thanksgiving gathering for a heart-to-heart conversation. It’s important to remember that seeking peace is not about winning an argument or proving who is right; it’s about restoring relationships and pursuing unity. This Thanksgiving, consider how you can actively pursue peace in your family. Is there someone you need to forgive or ask for forgiveness from? Is there a conversation you’ve been avoiding that needs to take place?

2. Be Quick to Listen, Slow to Speak, and Slow to Become Angry:

James 1:19 says: “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”

This is valuable advice for resolving conflicts, especially in the emotionally charged environment of a family gathering. This verse encourages us to be intentional in our responses, emphasizing the importance of listening carefully, speaking thoughtfully, and controlling our anger. These behaviors are essential for de-escalating tensions and preventing conflicts from spiraling out of control. Being “quick to listen” means actively listening to understand rather than just preparing to respond. In family disputes, misunderstandings often arise because we fail to listen fully to what the other person is saying. Instead, we may jump to conclusions or make assumptions, further inflaming the situation. When we practice the discipline of listening first, we demonstrate respect for the other person and open the door for meaningful dialogue. “Slow to speak” reminds us that our words have the power to heal or harm. Quickly reacting without thinking about our words can escalate a conflict, but carefully chosen words can bring clarity and peace. During Thanksgiving gatherings, it’s easy to get caught up in heated discussions about sensitive topics such as politics, parenting, or past grievances. If the conversation turns to emotionally charged topics, it’s wise to pause before speaking to make sure that our words are constructive rather than destructive. A well-timed pause can prevent unnecessary arguments and promote understanding. Finally, “slow to become angry” encourages us to manage our emotions. Anger is a natural response to frustration or hurt. But when left unchecked, anger can lead to sin and division. God calls us to practice self-control, particularly in stressful situations. If a conversation becomes heated during your Thanksgiving celebration, take a moment to breathe, calm your emotions, and choose to respond with grace rather than anger. This approach can defuse the situation and keep the focus on building relationships, not tearing them down.

Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Ivan Pantic

3. Forgive as the Lord Forgave You:

Colossians 3:13 says: “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

Forgiveness is central to resolving family conflicts, and Colossians 3:13 highlights this vital biblical principle. In any family, offenses are inevitable because people hurt each other, either intentionally or unintentionally. However, this verse challenges us to forgive – not based on the other person’s merit, but because we have been forgiven by God. “Forgive as the Lord forgave you” is a powerful reminder of the grace we have received. None of us deserve God’s forgiveness, yet God extends it freely through Jesus.

In the same way, we are called to extend forgiveness to others, even when they don’t ask for it or don’t seem to deserve it. This is especially relevant in family dynamics, where grudges and unresolved issues can linger for years. Forgiveness does not mean condoning wrong behavior or pretending that nothing happened. Instead, it means releasing the bitterness and resentment that keep us chained to the past. When we forgive, we free ourselves from the burden of anger and allow healing to take place in our hearts. In the context of family, forgiveness is often the key that unlocks the door to reconciliation and restored relationships. This Thanksgiving, as you gather with family, consider if there is someone you need to forgive. It might be a sibling who hurt you years ago, a parent who failed to meet your expectations or another family member whose words or actions have caused you pain. Holding on to these grievances only fuels division. But by choosing to forgive, you reflect God’s grace and mercy and pave the way for peace in your family.

Related Resource: A Prayer for Gathering When Relational Tension is High

I recently called one of my siblings to ask about holiday gathering plans. I wanted to know if he’d be okay with having the Thanksgiving meal at our house this year. The conversation was going great until we began to go over the guest list. - Ashley Moore

4. A Soft Answer Turns Away Wrath:

Proverbs 15:1 says: “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” 

This highlights a practical and powerful tool for resolving conflicts: using gentle, calm responses. This principle is especially relevant in family settings, where emotions can run high and conversations can quickly become heated. How we respond in moments of tension can either diffuse or escalate the situation. “A gentle answer” refers to responding with calm and intentional kindness, even when we’re provoked. In family conflicts, it’s tempting to meet anger with anger or criticism with criticism. However, this only adds fuel to the fire. Instead, a soft, measured response can disarm the other person and shift the tone of the conversation from hostility to understanding. This might involve lowering your voice, choosing your words carefully, or responding with empathy rather than defensiveness. For example, if a family member brings up a sensitive or controversial topic at the Thanksgiving dinner table, you might be tempted to react with frustration. Instead, try responding with grace, acknowledging their perspective, and steering the conversation in a more positive direction. On the other hand, “a harsh word stirs up anger.” Sharp, critical, or sarcastic remarks can escalate a disagreement and make reconciliation more difficult. During family gatherings, we must be mindful of our tone and language. We need to choose to be gentle, not harsh. Harsh words often reflect underlying bitterness or frustration, and they can quickly turn a minor disagreement into a full-blown argument. By choosing gentle, thoughtful responses, we contribute to an atmosphere of peace and mutual respect.

5. Love Covers a Multitude of Sins:

In 1 Peter 4:8, the Bible says: “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” 

This important principle for resolving family conflicts is rooted in the power of love. The Bible teaches us in 1 Peter 4:8 that love has the capacity to cover offenses and sins, promoting forgiveness and reconciliation. In family relationships, where we often hurt the people we love the most, we need to remember this truth. “Love each other deeply” speaks to the depth of commitment God calls us to have for one another, especially in our families. Love is not just a feeling; it’s an action. Loving our family is a choice to prioritize their well-being, even when it’s difficult to do so. In the context of conflict, love compels us to seek understanding, offer grace, and pursue reconciliation, rather than holding on to hurt or seeking revenge. “Love covers a multitude of sins” means that when we love deeply, we are willing to overlook offenses and extend forgiveness. This does not mean ignoring wrongdoing. Instead, it involves recognizing that love is more important than winning an argument or proving a point. When we prioritize love, we’re able to see past the flaws and mistakes of others and work toward healing and unity. As you gather with family this Thanksgiving, let love be your guiding principle. Choose to love each family member – even the ones who are difficult to get along with. When conflicts come up, respond with love, allowing it to cover over the offenses that might otherwise divide you. Love has the power to transform relationships, heal wounds, and create a lasting bond of unity in your family.

In conclusion, family conflicts are inevitable, but how we handle them makes all the difference. This Thanksgiving, as you gather with family, remember the biblical principles that God has given us for resolving conflicts well. By seeking peace, listening carefully, speaking gently, forgiving freely, and loving deeply, we can honor God in our relationships and create an atmosphere of unity and gratitude. May this Thanksgiving be a time of healing and reconciliation in your family as God’s love flows through your lives together.